the advantages and disadvantages of smart cities
the advantages and disadvantages of smart cities
one of the major good sides is the development of high-tech transport system.Thanks to the invention of advanced transport system such as driveless cars -an auto-driving system without making mistakes will help human reduce the incident of road collisions,especially according to a famous article, more than 90% of road collisions involve human error as primary cause.Moreover,vehicle automation will be a good choice for certain people,for example, older or disabled people who are impossible to drive by themselves.When using this cutting-edge cars like that -the elderly and the disabled can easily face challenges with the existing mobility vehicles and enjoy significantly greater travel autonomy.
I hold a firm belief that smart cities leads to the unemployment of many dwellers
Because When a wide range of cutting-edge technologies are prevalent in our life,the labor demand in different sectors such as drivers,architecture ,agricultures decreases remarkably.Thus,dwellers face risks of losing jobs, then undergo a period of emotional and financial stress and it also detrimentally affects their life quality.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"one of the major good sides" -> "one of the significant advantages"
Explanation: "Major good sides" is awkward and unclear. "Significant advantages" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing. -
"Thanks to the invention of advanced transport system" -> "Thanks to the development of advanced transportation systems"
Explanation: "Transport system" is a singular noun and should be pluralized to "transportation systems" to reflect the general term. Additionally, "invention" might imply a single, specific innovation, whereas "development" encompasses a broader range of advancements. -
"driveless cars -an auto-driving system without making mistakes" -> "driverless vehicles with autonomous systems that minimize errors"
Explanation: "Driveless cars" is informal and imprecise. "Driverless vehicles" is more accurate and formal. "Auto-driving system without making mistakes" is redundant and informal; "autonomous systems that minimize errors" is clearer and more formal. -
"help human reduce the incident of road collisions" -> "assist humans in reducing road collisions"
Explanation: "Help human" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Assist humans" is grammatically correct and more formal. "Incident of" is awkward; "incidents of" is more natural. -
"especially according to a famous article" -> "particularly as reported by a reputable study"
Explanation: "Famous article" is vague and informal. "Reputable study" is more specific and academically appropriate. -
"vehicle automation will be a good choice for certain people" -> "vehicle automation may be advantageous for certain individuals"
Explanation: "Good choice" is informal and vague. "Advantageous" is more precise and formal. "People" can be replaced with "individuals" for a more formal tone. -
"older or disabled people who are impossible to drive by themselves" -> "older or disabled individuals who are unable to drive independently"
Explanation: "Impossible to drive by themselves" is informal and imprecise. "Unable to drive independently" is more formal and accurate. -
"cutting-edge cars like that" -> "advanced vehicles such as these"
Explanation: "Cutting-edge cars like that" is informal and vague. "Advanced vehicles such as these" is more precise and formal. -
"smart cities leads to the unemployment of many dwellers" -> "smart cities may lead to the unemployment of many residents"
Explanation: "Leads" should be "may lead" to indicate a potential outcome rather than a definite one. "Dwellers" is less formal than "residents," and "unemployment of many dwellers" is awkward; "unemployment of many residents" is clearer. -
"the labor demand in different sectors such as drivers,architecture,agricultures" -> "the labor demand in sectors such as driving, architecture, and agriculture"
Explanation: "Drivers" should be "driving" as it is a verb form. "Architecture" and "agricultures" are misspelled; they should be "architecture" and "agriculture." Using "and" instead of commas for listing items improves readability. -
"dwellers face risks of losing jobs" -> "residents face the risk of job loss"
Explanation: "Dwellers" is less formal than "residents." "Face risks of losing jobs" is awkward; "face the risk of job loss" is more direct and formal. -
"then undergo a period of emotional and financial stress" -> "then experience a period of emotional and financial distress"
Explanation: "Undergo" is less specific than "experience," which is more commonly used in academic contexts to describe the effects of a situation. "Stress" can be replaced with "distress" for a more formal tone.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of smart cities. However, it primarily focuses on the advantages of high-tech transport systems and only briefly mentions the disadvantage of unemployment. This imbalance suggests that not all parts of the question are adequately addressed. The discussion on advantages is somewhat detailed, but the disadvantages lack depth and examples.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are explored in a balanced manner. Each point should be elaborated with specific examples and explanations. For instance, if discussing the advantages of smart cities, consider including aspects such as improved public services, environmental benefits, or enhanced safety. Similarly, for disadvantages, explore issues like data privacy concerns, increased cost of living, or potential social isolation.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position regarding the advantages of smart cities, particularly in relation to transport systems. However, the transition to discussing disadvantages is abrupt and lacks a clear connection to the previous points. The phrase "I hold a firm belief" introduces the second part but does not seamlessly integrate with the earlier discussion.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use transitional phrases to connect ideas more fluidly. For example, after discussing the advantages, the writer could introduce the disadvantages by stating, "While there are significant benefits, it is also important to consider the potential drawbacks, such as…"
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas effectively, particularly regarding the advantages of smart transport systems. However, the support for the disadvantages is weak and lacks sufficient elaboration. The mention of unemployment is a valid point, but it is not adequately developed or supported with examples or data.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. For instance, when discussing unemployment, the writer could include statistics or studies that illustrate the impact of automation on job markets. Additionally, exploring potential solutions or mitigations for these disadvantages could provide a more rounded argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on smart cities. However, the lack of depth in the discussion of disadvantages may lead to a perception of drifting away from the prompt’s requirements. The essay could benefit from a more structured approach to ensure that all aspects of the topic are covered.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should create an outline before writing the essay. This outline should include a clear structure with separate sections for advantages and disadvantages, ensuring that each point is addressed thoroughly. Regularly referring back to the prompt during writing can also help keep the content aligned with the topic.
In summary, to improve the essay’s band score, the writer should aim for a more balanced exploration of both advantages and disadvantages, ensure a clear and cohesive position throughout, provide more detailed support for ideas, and maintain focus on the topic.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents two main points: the advantages of high-tech transport systems and the disadvantages related to unemployment. However, the transition between these points is somewhat abrupt. For instance, the first paragraph focuses on the benefits of smart cities, particularly in transportation, but it does not clearly connect to the second paragraph, which discusses the negative impact on employment. The lack of a clear thesis statement or introductory sentence that outlines the structure of the essay contributes to this disjointedness.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider starting with a clear introduction that outlines both the advantages and disadvantages of smart cities. For example, you could state, "While smart cities offer significant advancements in transportation, they also pose challenges such as potential job losses." Additionally, using transitional phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" at the beginning of the second paragraph can help clarify the shift from advantages to disadvantages.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses two paragraphs, which is appropriate for the task. However, the first paragraph is quite lengthy and contains multiple ideas that could be better organized. The second paragraph, while focused, lacks depth and could benefit from further development. The use of topic sentences is also inconsistent; the first paragraph lacks a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea.
- How to improve: Break down the first paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing solely on the advantages of smart transport systems and the other discussing the implications for the elderly and disabled. This will allow for a more focused discussion. Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point. For example, "One significant advantage of smart cities is the development of high-tech transport systems that enhance mobility for all citizens."
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Moreover" and "Because," to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and their use is sometimes awkward. For instance, "Because When a wide range of cutting-edge technologies are prevalent in our life" contains a grammatical error with the capitalization of "When" and could be more fluidly integrated into the sentence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," "However," and "Consequently." This will help create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used correctly and appropriately within the context of the sentence. For example, instead of starting a sentence with "Because," consider revising it to "As a result of the prevalence of cutting-edge technologies, many workers may face unemployment."
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to an improved band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic of smart cities, such as "high-tech transport system," "driveless cars," and "cutting-edge technologies." However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of repetition, particularly with phrases like "cutting-edge" and "transport system." The vocabulary used is appropriate but lacks the sophistication expected at higher band levels.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "cutting-edge," you could use "innovative," "state-of-the-art," or "advanced." Additionally, expanding the lexical field to include terms related to urban planning, sustainability, or technology could provide more depth to the discussion.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices are imprecise or awkward. For instance, "impossible to drive by themselves" could be better expressed as "unable to drive independently." Furthermore, the phrase "the elderly and the disabled can easily face challenges" is unclear; it suggests that they may easily encounter difficulties, which contradicts the intended meaning that smart cities will help them overcome challenges.
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. Review phrases for potential ambiguity and revise them for clearer expression. For example, instead of "the unemployment of many dwellers," consider "job loss for many residents." Using more precise vocabulary will help convey your ideas more effectively.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "driveless" (should be "driverless") and "agricultures" (should be "agriculture"). These mistakes detract from the overall quality of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review the essay specifically for spelling errors. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help catch mistakes before submission. Regular practice with vocabulary lists and flashcards can also reinforce correct spelling.
By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy—the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as the use of complex sentences ("Thanks to the invention of advanced transport system such as driveless cars – an auto-driving system without making mistakes will help human reduce the incident of road collisions"). However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the second paragraph, where simple sentence forms dominate ("I hold a firm belief that smart cities leads to the unemployment of many dwellers"). The use of phrases like "cutting-edge technologies are prevalent in our life" shows an attempt at complexity, but overall, the range is limited.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence types, such as conditional sentences ("If smart cities are implemented, they could lead to…") or relative clauses ("which can significantly improve…"). Additionally, using more transitional phrases can help connect ideas and create more complex sentence structures.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "driveless cars" should be "driverless cars," and "leads" should be "lead" to agree with the plural subject "smart cities." There are also punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases ("Because When a wide range of cutting-edge technologies are prevalent in our life"). The essay lacks proper spacing after periods and commas, which affects readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and correct word forms. Practicing grammar exercises focused on these areas can also be beneficial. For punctuation, reviewing rules regarding comma usage, especially in complex sentences, will help. Consider using tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct mistakes before finalizing the essay.
Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly enhance the quality of writing and potentially raise the band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
One of the significant advantages of smart cities is the development of high-tech transportation systems. Thanks to the invention of advanced transportation solutions such as driverless cars, these autonomous vehicles can help humans reduce the incidence of road collisions. This is particularly relevant, as reported by a reputable study, which indicates that more than 90% of road collisions involve human error as the primary cause. Moreover, vehicle automation may be advantageous for certain individuals, such as older or disabled people who are unable to drive independently. With the use of advanced vehicles like these, the elderly and disabled can overcome challenges associated with existing mobility options and enjoy significantly greater travel autonomy.
However, I firmly believe that the rise of smart cities may lead to the unemployment of many residents. When a wide range of cutting-edge technologies becomes prevalent in our lives, the labor demand in sectors such as driving, architecture, and agriculture decreases remarkably. Consequently, residents face the risk of job loss, which can lead to a period of emotional and financial distress, ultimately detrimentally affecting their quality of life.