The air pollution problem is one of the largest problems the world is facing today. What are the some causes of air pollution and what measures can be proposed to solve this problem?

At the present time,air pollution is one of the most worrisome issues on the global scale.While
there are several causes for this environmental issue, some effective solutions can be
offered to reduce pollution in the air.
Air pollution can be attributed to two main reasons.This is because of the combustion of
fossil fuels for manufacturing.Accordingly,industrial emssions could deteriorate the purity of
the air,thereby catastrophically exacerbating air pollution. Another cause is that the rate of
car ownership is rocketing. When commuting, cars release toxic exhaust fumes,which in
turn render the atmosphere in major cities alarming contaminated and lead to various
health problems such as asthma and other respiratory illnesses.
In order to address the aforementioned problems,the following steps should be taken.The
first solution is that the government should allocate more funding to green technology to
lower the reliance on carbon-intensive energy source.For example,the use of eco-friendly
modes of transport,such as electric buses,do not only have detrimental impacts on the
air.Another solution is that individuals should limit contribution to air pollution.They have to
become more energy efficient by flying less,using bicycles and public transport.
In conclusion,the air pollution originates from many causes,to tackle with this
problem,individuals as well as the government should implement practical and possible
measures.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"At the present time" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more concise and formal alternative to "At the present time," which is slightly redundant and less commonly used in academic writing.
"worrisome issues" -> "concerning issues"
Explanation: "Concerning" is a more precise and formal term than "worrisome," which can sound overly emotional and less academic.
"some effective solutions can be offered" -> "several viable solutions can be proposed"
Explanation: "Several viable solutions can be proposed" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone by using "proposed" instead of the less formal "offered."
"This is because of the combustion of fossil fuels for manufacturing" -> "This is due to the combustion of fossil fuels in manufacturing"
Explanation: "Due to" is more precise and formal than "because of," and removing "for" after "manufacturing" corrects the grammatical structure.
"industrial emssions" -> "industrial emissions"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring accuracy and professionalism.
"could deteriorate the purity of the air" -> "could degrade the air quality"
Explanation: "Degrade the air quality" is a more precise and commonly used term in environmental contexts than "deteriorate the purity of the air."
"catastrophically exacerbating" -> "significantly exacerbating"
Explanation: "Significantly" is more appropriate in academic writing than "catastrophically," which is overly dramatic and less formal.
"the rate of car ownership is rocketing" -> "the rate of car ownership is increasing rapidly"
Explanation: "Increasing rapidly" is a more formal and precise way to describe the rapid growth in car ownership.
"render the atmosphere in major cities alarming contaminated" -> "render the atmosphere in major cities severely contaminated"
Explanation: "Severely" is more specific and formal than "alarming," which is too subjective and informal for academic writing.
"do not only have detrimental impacts on the air" -> "do not only have adverse effects on the air"
Explanation: "Adverse effects" is a more formal and precise term than "detrimental impacts," which is slightly less commonly used in this context.
"lower the reliance on carbon-intensive energy source" -> "reduce reliance on carbon-intensive energy sources"
Explanation: "Reduce reliance" is grammatically correct and more formal than "lower the reliance," and "sources" is plural to match the general context.
"limit contribution to air pollution" -> "minimize their contribution to air pollution"
Explanation: "Minimize their contribution" is more precise and formal, specifying the action and the subject (individuals).
"become more energy efficient by flying less,using bicycles and public transport" -> "adopt more energy-efficient practices by reducing air travel, using bicycles, and public transport"
Explanation: "Adopt more energy-efficient practices" is a more formal and comprehensive way to describe the actions individuals can take, and "reducing air travel" is more specific than "flying less."
"to tackle with this problem" -> "to address this problem"
Explanation: "To address" is the correct preposition and verb combination for formal writing, replacing the incorrect "tackle with."
"practical and possible measures" -> "practical and feasible measures"
Explanation: "Feasible" is a more precise and formal term than "possible," aligning better with academic standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately discusses both causes and proposed solutions related to air pollution. It identifies two primary causes: industrial emissions and increased car ownership, and suggests solutions such as investing in green technology and promoting individual energy efficiency.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure a more detailed exploration of each cause and solution. For instance, elaborate further on specific types of industrial emissions and their impacts, and provide more concrete examples of successful green technologies.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance on the causes of air pollution (industrial emissions and car ownership) and consistently proposes solutions (investment in green technology and individual behavior change).
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, explicitly state the main argument in the introduction and reaffirm it in the conclusion. Additionally, strengthen topic sentences in body paragraphs to reinforce the essay’s central position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented with basic elaboration; for example, the causes are briefly described without in-depth analysis of specific emissions sources. Support for solutions is provided with general statements rather than detailed examples or evidence.
- How to improve: Extend ideas by providing more specific examples and evidence. Discuss particular types of pollutants from industrial sources and their environmental impacts. Include case studies or statistics that demonstrate the effectiveness of proposed solutions.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing causes and solutions to air pollution. However, it occasionally veers towards generic statements about pollution without tying them back to the specific causes mentioned.
- How to improve: Maintain focus on the prompt throughout the essay. Ensure that every point made directly relates to either identifying causes of air pollution or proposing solutions, avoiding tangential discussions about environmental issues in general.

Overall, while the essay adequately addresses the prompt by discussing causes and solutions related to air pollution, it could benefit from deeper analysis, more specific examples, and a stricter adherence to maintaining a clear and focused argument throughout. Strengthening these aspects will elevate the clarity and depth of the response, potentially achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure. It begins with an introduction that outlines the issue and proposed solutions. Each paragraph focuses on either causes or solutions, providing a coherent progression of ideas. For instance, causes such as industrial emissions and increased car ownership are clearly presented in separate paragraphs, followed by solutions in subsequent paragraphs.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph maintains a unified focus on either causes or solutions. Consider using transitional phrases between paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas. Additionally, reinforcing topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph would strengthen the overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different aspects of the topic. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details. For example, paragraphs are dedicated to discussing causes (industrial emissions, car ownership) and solutions (government funding for green technology, individual actions).
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph develops a single main idea cohesively. Consider varying sentence structure within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, check for consistency in paragraph length to avoid abrupt shifts in focus or detail.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices such as transition words (e.g., "accordingly," "another," "in conclusion") and cohesive phrases (e.g., "in order to," "for example," "such as"). These devices help connect ideas within and between paragraphs, enhancing overall coherence.
- How to improve: To further diversify cohesive devices, consider integrating more advanced connectors (e.g., "moreover," "furthermore," "on the contrary") to indicate relationships between ideas more explicitly. Aim to use cohesive devices not only at the beginning of sentences but also within sentences to maintain smooth transitions and improve overall flow.

Overall, the essay effectively achieves a Band Score of 8 for Coherence and Cohesion by maintaining a clear organizational structure, utilizing paragraphs effectively to present ideas cohesively, and employing a range of cohesive devices to connect and sequence information logically. To continue improving, focus on reinforcing topic sentences, enhancing paragraph unity, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices to further strengthen coherence in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of air pollution. For instance, it effectively uses terms such as "combustion of fossil fuels," "industrial emissions," "eco-friendly modes of transport," and "carbon-intensive energy source." These terms are appropriate and contribute to addressing the essay prompt adequately.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary further, consider incorporating more specialized terms related to environmental science and pollution mitigation. For example, using terms like "particulate matter," "greenhouse gases," "sustainable practices," or "urban air quality" could enrich the essay’s lexical diversity and depth.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with reasonable precision, but there are instances where the language could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "rocketing" could be replaced with "rapidly increasing," and "detrimental impacts" might be better as "negative effects." However, terms like "toxic exhaust fumes" and "carbon-intensive energy source" are used appropriately to convey specific concepts related to air pollution.
- How to improve: Aim for more precise and nuanced vocabulary choices throughout the essay. Use adjectives and adverbs that accurately describe the severity or nature of environmental issues and proposed solutions. For example, instead of "effective solutions," consider "effective strategies" or "practical measures."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally maintained throughout the essay, with no significant errors noted. Common words like "emissions," "environmental," and "pollution" are spelled correctly, contributing to clear communication.
- How to improve: Continue to prioritize spelling accuracy, especially for more complex or less frequently used vocabulary related to environmental issues. Review commonly misspelled words in English and proofread carefully to catch any inadvertent errors.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of vocabulary relevant to the topic of air pollution, with a clear attempt to use precise language and maintain correct spelling. To improve further, focus on incorporating a broader range of specialized vocabulary and ensuring consistently precise language usage throughout the essay. This will enhance both clarity and sophistication, potentially leading to a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. It utilizes simple and compound sentences effectively throughout. There is evidence of some complex structures, such as subordinate clauses and conditional sentences ("While there are several causes…," "Another cause is that…"). However, more sophisticated structures like passive voice, inverted sentences, or complex sentence combinations (e.g., combining conditional and relative clauses) are underrepresented.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more passive constructions where appropriate to vary sentence beginnings and emphasize different parts of sentences ("Air pollution can be attributed to…"). Introducing inverted sentences for emphasis or variety would also benefit the essay’s complexity. Experiment with complex sentences that contain multiple clauses to convey ideas more intricately and improve coherence.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar and punctuation usage. There are instances of minor errors, such as missing articles ("the purity of the air"), punctuation inconsistencies (comma usage), and occasional awkward phrasing ("the rate of car ownership is rocketing"). However, these do not significantly impede comprehension or clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring consistent use of articles ("the," "a," "an") to clarify nouns and improve sentence flow. Pay closer attention to comma placement for clearer sentence structures and to avoid run-on sentences or comma splices. Review the usage of verb tenses and ensure they are consistently applied throughout the essay. Practicing editing for punctuation and grammar specifically would further refine accuracy.

Overall, the essay is cohesive and effectively addresses the prompt with clear arguments and solutions. To achieve a higher band score, continue developing a wider variety of sentence structures and refine grammar and punctuation accuracy to enhance overall fluency and precision in expression.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, air pollution stands out as one of the most concerning issues globally. While there are several causes for this environmental problem, several viable solutions can be proposed to alleviate it.

Air pollution primarily stems from two main sources. This is due to the combustion of fossil fuels in manufacturing processes. Consequently, industrial emissions could degrade the air quality, significantly exacerbating pollution levels. Another significant cause is the rapid increase in car ownership. Cars emit toxic exhaust fumes during commutes, which severely contaminate the atmosphere in major cities and contribute to various health issues like asthma and respiratory illnesses.

To address this issue, practical and feasible measures can be implemented. Firstly, governments should allocate more funding to green technology to reduce reliance on carbon-intensive energy sources. For instance, adopting eco-friendly modes of transport such as electric buses not only mitigates their contribution to air pollution but also promotes cleaner urban environments. Another effective solution is for individuals to adopt more energy-efficient practices, such as reducing air travel and opting for bicycles or public transport.

In conclusion, air pollution originates from various causes. To tackle this problem effectively, both individuals and governments should collaborate to implement practical and possible measures. By doing so, we can work towards cleaner air and healthier environments for current and future generations.