The bar chart below gives information about grain production in metric tons (MT) in 3 countries A, B, and C in 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar graph provides data on the production of four types of grain across three distinct nations during the year 2015, measured by metric tons. Overall, it can be observed that barley emerged as the primary grain source across all surveyed countries, compared to other grains. Notably, Country A harvested the largest yield in almost all grain sources, with the exception of rice.
Examining barley, this was the grain with the greatest output across all depicted nations in 2015, with around 100 tonnes harvested Country A and 90 tonnes each in Country B and C. Conversely, the production of rice in these countries was less pronounced during this year. Specifically, Country C yielded approximately 60 metric tons, remaining the top rice producer, followed by Country B with 50 metric tons and 10 metric tons lower in Country C.
An interesting feature of this graph was the similarity for maize and wheat production across each nation. Around 40 tonnes of maize were harvested in Country B, mirroring the wheat figure. Similarly, the maize and wheat outputs in Country C were identical, totaling approximately 60 tonnes, whereas these figures in Country A were considerably greater, each recording 80 metric tons, boasting as the nation with the highest maize and wheat yields.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar graph provides data" -> "The bar graph presents data"
Explanation: "Presents" is a more formal and precise verb choice than "provides" in academic writing, emphasizing the act of displaying or showing the data in the graph.
"measured by metric tons" -> "measured in metric tons"
Explanation: "In" is more appropriate here as it correctly indicates the unit of measurement, enhancing the formality and precision of the description.
"it can be observed that" -> "it is evident that"
Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal and assertive way to introduce a conclusion in academic writing, replacing the more conversational "it can be observed."
"emerged as the primary grain source" -> "emerged as the primary grain source"
Explanation: This is a correction to maintain parallel structure in the sentence, ensuring consistency in the form of the phrase.
"Notably, Country A harvested" -> "Notably, Country A produced"
Explanation: "Produced" is a more specific and accurate term for agricultural output, aligning better with the context of grain yields.
"the largest yield in almost all grain sources" -> "the highest yields across all grain types"
Explanation: "Highest yields" is more precise and formal than "largest yield," and "across all grain types" is a clearer and more specific phrase than "in almost all grain sources."
"with around 100 tonnes harvested" -> "yielding around 100 tonnes"
Explanation: "Yielding" is more direct and formal, fitting better in academic contexts to describe the outcome of agricultural production.
"the production of rice in these countries was less pronounced" -> "rice production in these countries was relatively lower"
Explanation: "Relatively lower" is a more precise and formal way to describe a comparative decrease in quantity, replacing the less formal "less pronounced."
"An interesting feature of this graph was" -> "A notable aspect of this graph is"
Explanation: "A notable aspect" is more formal and academic than "an interesting feature," which can sound too casual for scholarly writing.
"Around 40 tonnes of maize were harvested" -> "approximately 40 tonnes of maize were produced"
Explanation: "Produced" is more specific to agricultural contexts and aligns better with the formal tone of academic writing.
"the maize and wheat outputs in Country C were identical" -> "the maize and wheat yields in Country C were equivalent"
Explanation: "Equivalent" is a more precise term than "identical" in this context, as it implies similarity in value or quantity without implying exactness.
"boasting as the nation with the highest maize and wheat yields" -> "boasting the highest maize and wheat yields"
Explanation: Removing "as the nation" simplifies and clarifies the sentence, making it more direct and formal.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with the standards of academic writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the chart, including the highest production of barley in all countries and the similarity in maize and wheat production. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and includes some irrelevant details, such as the specific production figures for each grain in each country.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the main trends and comparisons, rather than providing a detailed account of the data. For example, the essay could state that Country A had the highest production of barley, maize, and wheat, while Country C had the highest production of rice. The essay could also compare the production of maize and wheat in each country, highlighting the similarity in production levels.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the introduction to the details of grain production. However, while cohesive devices are used, there are instances where the cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to some mechanical flow. For example, the transition between discussing barley and rice lacks smoothness, which may disrupt the reader’s understanding. Additionally, the referencing could be clearer, particularly in the section discussing the production figures for rice, where the phrasing is somewhat confusing. Paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through the different sections.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively, ensuring that transitions between ideas are smoother. Clarifying references and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic will also help improve the logical flow of information. Additionally, organizing the content into distinct paragraphs that each address a specific aspect of the data would strengthen the overall structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the primary grain source" and "the top rice producer," which could be expressed more clearly. Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "tonnes" being used inconsistently with "metric tons." These issues do not completely impede communication but do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more precise word choices. They should also pay attention to collocation and ensure that terms are used correctly in context. Furthermore, minimizing spelling and word formation errors will enhance the overall quality of the writing. Engaging with more sophisticated vocabulary and practicing the use of uncommon lexical items can also contribute to a better score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some attempts at using complex structures, the overall grammatical range is limited, and there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation. For example, phrases like "with around 100 tonnes harvested Country A" lack clarity and proper structure, which can confuse the reader. Additionally, the sentence "10 metric tons lower in Country C" is awkwardly constructed and lacks a clear subject. Despite these issues, the errors do not significantly impede communication, which aligns with the criteria for Band 6.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay should focus on increasing the range of grammatical structures used, ensuring that complex sentences are accurately formed. Additionally, attention should be paid to clarity and coherence, particularly in sentence construction. Reducing grammatical errors and improving punctuation will also enhance the overall quality of the writing. Practicing with varied sentence structures and proofreading for clarity can help in achieving a more polished and error-free essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar graph provides data on the production of four types of grain across three distinct nations during the year 2015, measured in metric tons. Overall, it can be observed that barley emerged as the primary grain source across all surveyed countries compared to the other grains. Notably, Country A harvested the largest yield in almost all grain types, with the exception of rice.

Examining barley, this was the grain with the greatest output across all depicted nations in 2015, with around 100 metric tons harvested in Country A and 90 metric tons each in Country B and Country C. Conversely, the production of rice in these countries was less pronounced during this year. Specifically, Country C yielded approximately 60 metric tons, remaining the top rice producer, followed by Country B with 50 metric tons and Country A with 40 metric tons.

An interesting feature of this graph is the similarity in maize and wheat production across each nation. Around 40 metric tons of maize were harvested in Country B, mirroring the wheat figure. Similarly, the maize and wheat outputs in Country C were identical, totaling approximately 60 metric tons, whereas these figures in Country A were considerably greater, each recording 80 metric tons, making it the nation with the highest maize and wheat yields.