The bar chart below shows the estimated sales of jeans for two companies next year in Turkey. The pie chart shows the projected market share of the two companies in jeans at the end of next year.

The bar chart illustrates how much jeans are expected to sell next year and the pie chart depicts the predicted market contribution at the end of the same year for two Turkish companies.
On the whole, there is an increase in the figures for both companies with Jack and Jones Co is anticipated to experience the highest rise, while this corporation is also projected to comprise the bigger proportion in the market share.
In terms of the bar chart, the sales of Jack and Jones are likely to commence at over 400 thousand pairs, after which it is expected to witness a gradual growth to approximately 600 thousand in September, before reaching a peak of over 900 thousand at the end of the next year. Similar changes are forecasted in the figures for Mango corporation, which will be around 100 thousand at the beginning, with a subsequent rise in the middle of the year, and finally ending at roughly 500 thousand.
Regarding the pie chart, 30% is the projection of Jack and Jones company in the market percentage, which is higher than that of Mango, with 20%. Other companies will hold the rest of the market, which is estimated around 50%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the figures for both companies with Jack and Jones Co is anticipated" -> "the figures for both companies, with Jack and Jones Co anticipated"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks proper subject-verb agreement and clarity. Placing the subject ("Jack and Jones Co") before the verb ("is anticipated") rectifies this issue and improves readability.
"comprise the bigger proportion" -> "dominate a larger share"
Explanation: "Comprise" is used incorrectly here; "dominate" conveys a stronger sense of control and influence in the market, and "a larger share" is more precise than "the bigger proportion."
"the sales of Jack and Jones are likely to commence at over 400 thousand pairs" -> "Jack and Jones’s sales are projected to commence at over 400 thousand pairs"
Explanation: "Likely to commence" is unnecessarily wordy; "projected" is more concise and formal. Additionally, using the possessive form "Jack and Jones’s" clarifies ownership.
"Similar changes are forecasted" -> "Analogous changes are forecast"
Explanation: "Forecasted" is grammatically correct but less precise; "forecast" is a stronger verb choice. "Analogous" is a more sophisticated alternative to "similar."
"Regarding the pie chart, 30% is the projection of Jack and Jones company in the market percentage" -> "The pie chart illustrates that Jack and Jones company is projected to hold 30% of the market share"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and lacks clarity. Restructuring the sentence improves readability and precision by clearly indicating the subject ("Jack and Jones company") and the quantity ("30% of the market share").
"Other companies will hold the rest of the market" -> "The remaining market share will be held by other companies"
Explanation: The original phrase is vague and lacks specificity. By stating "remaining market share" explicitly, the sentence becomes clearer and more precise. Additionally, using passive voice ("will be held") adds formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by describing the data presented in the charts. It provides a clear overview of the main trends in both the bar chart and the pie chart, detailing the estimated sales of jeans for two companies and the projected market share. The key features and bullet points are presented and highlighted clearly. The essay effectively communicates the expected increase in sales for both companies and the market share projections.
How to improve:
To improve, the essay could further extend the presentation of key features and bullet points. It may benefit from providing more specific data points or additional analysis to enhance the depth of the response. Additionally, ensuring a smoother transition between sentences and paragraphs could enhance overall coherence and cohesion.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information in a generally coherent manner with a clear overall progression. It effectively describes the data from both the bar chart and the pie chart, providing details about the projected sales of jeans for two companies and their market share. The essay starts with an introduction summarizing the main points to be discussed. It then proceeds to describe the data from the bar chart, discussing the sales figures for each company over the course of the year. The transition between the discussion of Jack and Jones and Mango is smooth, indicating a clear progression of ideas. Similarly, the essay discusses the pie chart data, providing percentages for each company’s market share. The use of cohesive devices such as ‘On the whole’, ‘In terms of’, ‘Regarding’, etc., contributes to coherence. However, there are instances of mechanical cohesion, and the essay could benefit from clearer referencing and substitution. Additionally, the paragraphing is somewhat logical but could be improved for better organization and flow.

How to improve:

Ensure more consistent use of cohesive devices throughout the essay to strengthen coherence.
Work on smoother transitions between paragraphs for better flow of ideas.
Improve referencing and substitution to avoid repetition and enhance clarity.
Review and refine paragraphing to enhance the logical organization of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay effectively employs a range of vocabulary to describe the data presented in the charts. There is an appropriate mix of general and specific terms related to sales figures and market share. The writer uses vocabulary such as "anticipated," "projected," "comprise," "forecasted," and "proportion," which demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary. Additionally, less common lexical items like "corporation" and "gradual growth" are used appropriately. The writer also demonstrates some awareness of style and collocation by employing phrases like "on the whole" and "similar changes are forecasted." While there are occasional minor errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., "rise in the middle of the year" could be improved to "mid-year increase"), these do not significantly detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.

How to improve:
To further improve lexical resource, the writer could aim for greater variety in vocabulary usage by incorporating more synonyms or alternative expressions where appropriate. Additionally, paying closer attention to word choice and collocation can help enhance fluency and precision in conveying ideas. Finally, proofreading for minor errors in spelling and word formation can help maintain a higher level of lexical accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence forms. The writer effectively uses conjunctions, prepositions, and transitional phrases to connect ideas throughout the essay. There is evident control over grammar and punctuation, with the majority of sentences being error-free. However, there are a few minor errors and awkward phrasings that slightly affect the overall fluency and coherence of the essay. For instance, "with Jack and Jones Co is anticipated to experience" could be revised for clarity and fluency. Despite these minor issues, the essay maintains good control over grammatical structures and punctuation, contributing to effective communication.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical accuracy further, the writer should pay closer attention to sentence structure and ensure consistency in verb tense usage. Additionally, proofreading for clarity and coherence can help eliminate any awkward phrasings or ambiguous constructions. Finally, expanding vocabulary and incorporating more sophisticated language where appropriate can elevate the overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided data delineates the anticipated sales of jeans for the upcoming year and the projected market share for two companies in Turkey, as illustrated in the bar and pie charts respectively.

Overall, both companies are expected to experience an upward trend in sales, with Jack and Jones Co poised to witness the most substantial increase. Additionally, Jack and Jones Co is forecasted to dominate a larger portion of the market share.

Examining the bar chart, sales for Jack and Jones are predicted to commence at slightly over 400 thousand pairs, steadily increasing to approximately 600 thousand by September, and peaking at over 900 thousand by the year’s end. A similar trajectory is expected for Mango Corporation, beginning around 100 thousand units, experiencing a mid-year surge, and culminating at roughly 500 thousand.

Turning to the pie chart, Jack and Jones Company is projected to command a 30% market share, surpassing Mango, which is anticipated to hold 20%. The remaining market share, estimated at around 50%, will be distributed among other companies.

In conclusion, the data suggests a positive outlook for jeans sales in Turkey next year, with Jack and Jones Co leading in both sales figures and market share.