The bar chart below shows the popularity of well-known Instagram accounts in 2011 and 2021. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart illustrates the popularity of famous accounts belongs to Cristiano Ronaldo, The Rock, Ariana Grande, Kylie Jenner and Selena Gomez on instagram in 2011 and 2021.

A glance at the graph reveals that in 2018 , Selena Gomez’s account was the most popular while The Rock’s account was in the opposite. Furthermore, in 2021 the most well-known account was Cristiano Ronaldo’s account and the least notorious was Selena Gomez’s account.

In 2018 , it can be observed that Selena Gomez’s account had the most followers which was about 120 millions. After that was accounts of Cristiano Ronaldno and Ariana Grande. The popularity of their account was quite the same with about 112 millions. The Rock and Kylie Jenner instagram account were the two that had the least followers which roughly 97 millions.

On the other hand , in 2021 the statistics had changed. Cristiano Ronaldo’s account was the highest with 315 millions.Three accounts which belong to The Rock , Ariana Grande and Kylie Jenner were similar with approximately 250 millions. Nevertheless , even though Selena Gomez’s account was the highest in 2018. Her account was the lowest in 2021 with 295 millions followers.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"belongs to" -> "belonging to"
Explanation: Using the present participle "belonging" instead of the simple present "belongs" enhances the grammatical correctness of the sentence.
"popularity" -> "popularity of"
Explanation: Adding "of" after "popularity" clarifies that the popularity being referred to is that of the accounts.
"in the opposite" -> "conversely"
Explanation: Replacing "in the opposite" with "conversely" provides a more precise transition between contrasting ideas.
"well-known" -> "preeminent"
Explanation: Substituting "well-known" with "preeminent" elevates the vocabulary choice, conveying a stronger sense of prominence.
"least notorious" -> "least renowned"
Explanation: "Least renowned" is a more sophisticated way to express the idea of being the least well-known or recognized.
"followers" -> "followership"
Explanation: Using "followership" instead of "followers" adds variety to the vocabulary and offers a more formal term for the concept of followers.
"quite the same" -> "approximately equal"
Explanation: "Approximately equal" is a more precise and formal way to express the similarity between the popularity of the accounts.
"Two" -> "Both"
Explanation: Replacing "Two" with "Both" improves the flow of the sentence and avoids repetition of the word "accounts."
"highest" -> "most prominent"
Explanation: "Most prominent" offers a more nuanced description than simply "highest," conveying not just the numerical value but also the significance or importance.
"Nevertheless" -> "However"
Explanation: "However" is a more commonly used transition word to indicate a contrast or concession in the context of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the given bar chart and making relevant comparisons between the popularity of Instagram accounts in 2011 and 2021. It presents an overview of the data, highlighting key points such as the most popular accounts in both years and changes in followership. However, there are areas where the response could be improved to achieve a higher band score.

How to improve:

Clarity and Cohesion: Improve clarity and cohesion by organizing the essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences. This will help the reader follow the progression of ideas more easily.
Accuracy and Detail: Ensure accuracy and provide more specific details where necessary. For instance, stating exact follower counts rather than using terms like "quite the same" or "approximately" would enhance precision.
Language Use: Use a wider range of vocabulary and more varied sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of the writing.

By addressing these areas, the essay can better fulfill the requirements of the task and achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay arranges information with a clear overall progression, starting with an introduction and then presenting data for both 2011 and 2021. There is an attempt at paragraphing, although it could be more logically structured. The essay utilizes cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas, but there are instances of faulty cohesion, such as unclear referencing ("it can be observed that" is redundant). Additionally, the essay could benefit from clearer referencing and substitution to avoid repetition.

How to improve:

Ensure clearer referencing and substitution to avoid repetition of phrases.
Focus on more logical paragraphing to improve the flow of information.
Double-check cohesion within and between sentences to eliminate instances of faulty cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with attempts to use some less common lexical items ("glance at the graph," "notorious," "statistics"). However, there are noticeable errors in word choice and word formation, such as "belongs to" instead of "belonging to," "quite the same" instead of "quite similar," and "highest" instead of "most popular." Additionally, there are repetitive phrases ("the most popular," "the highest") and some awkward collocations ("had the most followers," "had the least followers"). Spelling and word formation errors are noticeable ("Ronaldno" instead of "Ronaldo," "notorious" instead of "noteworthy").

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, aim for greater variety and accuracy in vocabulary selection. Use precise and appropriate terminology consistently. Focus on improving word choice, spelling, and word formation to convey ideas more accurately and effectively. Avoid repetitive phrases and strive for smoother collocations. Consider proofreading to correct errors and enhance overall clarity.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. There is some effort to vary sentence length and structure, although it could be more consistent. While the essay contains occasional complex sentences, they tend to be less accurate, resulting in grammatical errors that may impede comprehension. The use of punctuation is somewhat faulty, with errors such as missing commas and inconsistent capitalization. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing and word choice that slightly affect clarity.

How to improve:

Work on sentence structure variety by incorporating more complex sentences alongside simple ones.
Pay closer attention to punctuation rules, particularly the use of commas and capitalization.
Focus on clarity and precision in phrasing and word choice to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar chart delineates the popularity trends of notable Instagram accounts belonging to Cristiano Ronaldo, The Rock, Ariana Grande, Kylie Jenner, and Selena Gomez in the years 2011 and 2021.

A cursory examination of the data reveals that in 2011, Selena Gomez’s account boasted the highest popularity, while The Rock’s account occupied the lowest position. Conversely, by 2021, Cristiano Ronaldo’s account emerged as the most prominent, with Selena Gomez’s account experiencing a decline in popularity.

In 2011, Selena Gomez’s account amassed the highest number of followers, approximately 120 million, followed closely by Cristiano Ronaldo and Ariana Grande, each with around 112 million followers. The accounts of The Rock and Kylie Jenner garnered the fewest followers, both tallying roughly 97 million.

In contrast, the landscape shifted in 2021. Cristiano Ronaldo’s account soared to the zenith with a staggering 315 million followers. The accounts of The Rock, Ariana Grande, and Kylie Jenner converged around the 250 million mark. Notably, Selena Gomez, who led in 2011, witnessed a decline, registering 295 million followers, the lowest among the five accounts in 2021.