The bar chart shows expectations for change of European young people in the next 20 years in five different areas. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows expectations for change of European young people in the next 20 years in five different areas.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the bar charts compare European young people will plan to change health, air quality, water quality, food quality and people communication in the next 20 years, calculated by percent. Overall, young people in Europe will only change people communication in the improvement way while others will be changed badly.
As can be seen, European young people will get their health worse by 58% compare with 42% for improving their health. With air quaility, it even worse, 76% of the european young people will change it in the bad aspect, led to there will be only 24% of them will get better. And the water quality will as same as the health one. Turning to the food quality, the percent of getting worse and will improve will not have big different. However, the ratio of the improvement still less than the getting wors one. Especially, people communication will have 63% of European young people change in the better way, and also the highest propotion in the improvement figure

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"will plan to change" -> "plan to change"
Explanation: The phrase "will plan to change" is redundant; "plan to change" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing.
"calculated by percent" -> "expressed as percentages"
Explanation: "Expressed as percentages" is a clearer and more formal way to convey the method of calculation.
"the improvement way" -> "a positive manner"
Explanation: "A positive manner" is more precise and formal than "the improvement way," which is vague and informal.
"will only change people communication in the improvement way" -> "will only improve communication among people"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the intended meaning and uses more formal language, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "change people communication."
"get their health worse" -> "experience a decline in their health"
Explanation: "Experience a decline in their health" is more formal and precise than "get their health worse," which is informal and vague.
"compare with" -> "compared to"
Explanation: "Compared to" is the correct phrase to indicate a comparison, improving grammatical accuracy.
"With air quaility, it even worse" -> "Regarding air quality, the situation is even worse"
Explanation: This revision corrects the spelling of "quality" and improves clarity and formality.
"led to there will be only 24% of them will get better" -> "resulting in only 24% of them improving"
Explanation: This change clarifies the sentence structure and uses more formal language.
"will as same as the health one" -> "will be similar to that of health"
Explanation: "Will be similar to that of health" is a more formal and precise way to express the comparison.
"the percent of getting worse and will improve will not have big different" -> "the percentage of those experiencing decline and improvement will not differ significantly"
Explanation: This revision uses more formal language and clarifies the comparison being made.
"the ratio of the improvement still less than the getting wors one" -> "the ratio of improvement is still less than that of decline"
Explanation: This change improves clarity and grammatical accuracy while maintaining a formal tone.
"Especially, people communication will have 63% of European young people change in the better way" -> "Notably, 63% of European young people will experience improvements in communication"
Explanation: This revision uses more formal language and clarifies the intended meaning.
"the highest propotion in the improvement figure" -> "the highest proportion among the improvement metrics"
Explanation: "Proportion among the improvement metrics" is more precise and formal than "propotion in the improvement figure," correcting the spelling and enhancing clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by providing an overview of the main features of the bar chart. However, the overview is not clear and the essay does not adequately highlight the key features. The essay also includes some irrelevant details, such as the specific percentages for each category.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main features of the bar chart. The essay should also focus on highlighting the key features of the chart, rather than providing irrelevant details. For example, the essay could state that the majority of European young people expect a decline in health, air quality, and water quality, while a majority expect an improvement in people communication. The essay could also compare the different categories, such as noting that the expectations for change in health, air quality, and water quality are similar.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas, but they are not arranged coherently, leading to a lack of clear progression throughout the response. The use of cohesive devices is basic and often inaccurate, resulting in confusion. For example, phrases like "the percent of getting worse and will improve will not have big different" are unclear and poorly structured. Additionally, the essay struggles with paragraphing; it does not clearly separate different ideas or topics, which further complicates understanding.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing ideas logically and using appropriate cohesive devices to connect sentences and paragraphs. Clearly defined paragraphs for each topic would help improve clarity. Additionally, refining sentence structure and ensuring accurate use of language would contribute to a more coherent presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the bar chart, the use of vocabulary is repetitive and lacks precision. There are noticeable errors in spelling (e.g., "quaility," "wors," "propotion") and word formation, which may cause some difficulty for the reader. The overall structure and coherence of the vocabulary used do not fully support clear communication of the data presented.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, to convey precise meanings. Additionally, paying attention to spelling and word formation will help avoid errors that can impede understanding. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can also improve the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. There are frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms ("will plan to change" should be "plan to change") and issues with subject-verb agreement ("the percent of getting worse and will improve will not have big different"). Punctuation errors are also present, which can hinder clarity. While the main ideas are communicated, the frequent errors can cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of sentence structures, incorporating more complex sentences accurately. Additionally, careful proofreading to minimize grammatical and punctuation errors would enhance clarity. Practicing the correct use of comparative structures and ensuring subject-verb agreement will also contribute to improved grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar charts compare the expectations of European young people regarding changes in health, air quality, water quality, food quality, and communication over the next 20 years, expressed as percentages. Overall, young people in Europe anticipate that only communication will improve, while the other areas are expected to deteriorate.

As can be seen, European young people expect their health to worsen, with 58% anticipating a decline compared to 42% who foresee improvements. Regarding air quality, the outlook is even more negative, with 76% of European youth expecting it to deteriorate, leaving only 24% who believe it will get better. Water quality is projected to follow a similar trend as health, with a significant majority expecting a decline. In terms of food quality, the percentages of those expecting it to worsen and those anticipating improvements are not vastly different; however, the proportion expecting deterioration is still higher than that of those expecting improvement. Notably, communication is expected to see a positive change, with 63% of European young people anticipating improvements, representing the highest proportion among the areas surveyed.