The bar chart shows the amount of money which was invested by different museums in London. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the amount of money which was invested by different museums in London.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart depicts the volume of money allocated by four distinct museums in London in the second half of the year. Overall, the British Museum was the greatest investor for nearly the entire time. Additionally, while there was a slight decrease in the amount of money invested by the History, National, and Science Museum, a remarkable fluctuation was witnessed in the quantity of investment by the British Museum.
There was a similar trend in the volume of money spent by the History and British Museum in the first two months of the period, at over 400,000 pounds initially, with a substantial increase to a peak of 600,000 and 700,000 in August respectively. The former then halved to 250,000 and the latter also witnessed a plunge of nearly 300,000 to 420,000 pounds at the end of the period.
Regarding the Science Museum, it began the period as the greatest investor and allocated over 400,000 pounds, which was double the investment of the National Museum, at 200,000. Both figures moderately declined by 300,000 and under 200,000 respectively, despite reaching a peak in September.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "the volume of money" -> "the financial allocation"
   Explanation: "Volume of money" is a somewhat informal phrase. "Financial allocation" is a more formal and precise term suitable for describing the distribution of funds in this context.

2. "investor" -> "spender"
   Explanation: While "investor" can refer to someone who allocates funds, in this context, it might be more appropriate to use "spender" to describe how the museums are utilizing the allocated funds.

3. "remarkable fluctuation" -> "significant variation"
   Explanation: "Remarkable fluctuation" could be seen as slightly redundant. "Significant variation" maintains clarity while providing a more formal and precise description of the changes in investment.

4. "plunge" -> "decline"
   Explanation: "Plunge" implies a sudden, steep drop, which might not accurately represent the gradual decrease in investment. "Decline" is a more neutral term that better conveys the gradual nature of the decrease.

5. "Regarding" -> "Concerning"
   Explanation: "Regarding" is slightly informal. "Concerning" is a more formal alternative that fits better with the tone of the essay.

6. "it began the period as the greatest investor" -> "it commenced the period with the highest allocation"
   Explanation: "Began the period as the greatest investor" is somewhat awkward phrasing. "Commenced the period with the highest allocation" provides a clearer and more formal description of the initial financial status of the Science Museum.

7. "Both figures moderately declined" -> "Both amounts experienced moderate declines"
   Explanation: "Both figures moderately declined" could be clearer. "Both amounts experienced moderate declines" provides a more precise description of the decrease in financial allocation.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the data. It presents and highlights key features and bullet points clearly, such as the investments made by different museums over time. However, the essay could be more fully developed, especially in terms of extending the analysis and providing more detailed comparisons between the museums.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could be more detailed in its analysis, providing more specific comparisons between the museums and a deeper exploration of the trends in investment over time. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more varied and precise vocabulary.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information, with a clear progression throughout. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data presented in the bar chart, such as the investment trends of different museums over time. The information is sequenced logically, allowing for a smooth flow of ideas. Cohesive devices are used appropriately to connect sentences and ideas, aiding in the overall coherence of the essay. The central topic of each paragraph is evident, with clear transitions between them.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion further, the essay could benefit from more varied and sophisticated cohesive devices. Additionally, ensuring a consistent and logical use of paragraphing throughout the essay would strengthen its organization. Some sentences could be refined to improve clarity and coherence further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. It effectively uses less common lexical items such as "allocated," "witnessed," "substantial," "plunge," "regarding," and "moderately," which indicate a good attempt at variety. There is also an awareness of style and collocation, as seen in phrases like "distinct museums," "remarkable fluctuation," and "substantial increase." While occasional errors in word choice and word formation are present (e.g., "volume of money" instead of "amount of money" and "allocated by" instead of "invested by"), they do not significantly hinder understanding. The essay maintains coherence and clarity throughout.

How to improve:
To enhance lexical resource further, the essay could incorporate more diverse vocabulary, particularly in describing trends and comparisons. Additionally, paying closer attention to word choice and ensuring accuracy in word formation will help improve precision. Consider refining sentence structures to add sophistication and complexity, which can contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures, such as subordinate clauses and comparisons, enhancing the overall clarity and sophistication of the language. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. The essay also exhibits good control of grammar and punctuation, with only occasional errors or inappropriacies.

How to improve: To further enhance grammatical range and accuracy, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and complex grammatical forms. Additionally, pay close attention to punctuation consistency and ensure that all sentences are structurally sound to minimize occasional errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart illustrates the distribution of funds among four prominent museums in London during the latter half of the year. Overall, the British Museum emerged as the primary investor throughout the period, displaying significant fluctuations in its investment volume. Conversely, the History, National, and Science Museums experienced a gradual decline in their investment amounts.

Initially, both the History Museum and the British Museum started with similar investment levels, surpassing 400,000 pounds. However, while the British Museum’s investment surged to a peak of 700,000 pounds in August, the History Museum witnessed a decline, halving its initial investment to 250,000 pounds by the end of the period. Similarly, the British Museum saw a notable drop in investment, plummeting to 420,000 pounds towards the end of the observed timeframe.

In contrast, the Science Museum commenced the period as the leading investor, allocating over 400,000 pounds, double the amount invested by the National Museum, which stood at 200,000 pounds. Despite both museums experiencing fluctuations, with the Science Museum’s investment declining to around 100,000 pounds and the National Museum’s to under 200,000 pounds, they remained consistent in their relative investment positions.

In summary, the British Museum dominated investment throughout the period, while the other museums experienced varying degrees of decline in their investment amounts.