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The bar chart shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.”

The bar chart shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant."

The given graph illustrates the proportion of the UK citizens eating five proportion of fruits and vegestables a day over a period of 8 years, commencing from 2001.
Overall, despite some fluctuations, there was a rise in the percentage of all surveyed categories, namely children, men and women with the figure for women always topping the chart. It is also noticable that the proportion of children remained the lowest over this recorded time frame.
Specifically, the percentage of children who ate five portion of fruits per day was north of 14% in the first three years, then increased subsequently to south of 26% in 2006 before decreasing minimally to 24% in 2008. Similarly, the figure for men started at about 18%, following by an upward trend to nearly 24% in the next 5 years and a final slight rise of 2% in the last year recorded.
In terms of women, the UK people of this category seem to eat fruits and vegetable most regularly with the figure always topping the chart. Starting at 23%, the proportion of female eating fruits and vegetables in the UK located dramatically to 35% in the year 2006. However, between 2006 and 2008 it enjoyed an insignificantly decline, hitting a low of 26% in the final year of the studied period.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "the proportion of the UK citizens eating five proportion of fruits and vegestables a day" -> "the proportion of UK citizens consuming five portions of fruits and vegetables per day"
    Explanation: "UK citizens" does not require "the" for general reference. "Consuming" is a more precise term than "eating," and "portions" is the correct term to use in this context. Additionally, "vegetables" is the correct spelling.

  2. "despite some fluctuations, there was a rise in the percentage of all surveyed categories" -> "despite some fluctuations, there was an increase in the percentage of all surveyed categories"
    Explanation: "Increase" is a more formal and precise term than "rise," which can sound informal.

  3. "the figure for women always topping the chart" -> "the figure for women consistently leading the chart"
    Explanation: "Consistently leading" conveys a more formal tone and suggests reliability over time, whereas "topping" can sound casual.

  4. "noticable" -> "notable"
    Explanation: "Notable" is the correct spelling and is more appropriate in an academic context.

  5. "the percentage of children who ate five portion of fruits per day" -> "the percentage of children who consumed five portions of fruits per day"
    Explanation: "Consumed" is a more formal term than "ate," and "portions" is the correct term to use in this context.

  6. "north of 14%" -> "exceeding 14%"
    Explanation: "Exceeding" is a more formal and precise expression than "north of," which is more colloquial.

  7. "south of 26%" -> "below 26%"
    Explanation: "Below" is a clearer and more formal expression than "south of," which can be ambiguous in academic writing.

  8. "decreasing minimally" -> "decreasing slightly"
    Explanation: "Slightly" is a more commonly used term in academic writing that conveys the intended meaning more clearly than "minimally."

  9. "following by an upward trend" -> "followed by an upward trend"
    Explanation: "Followed" is the correct past participle form to maintain grammatical accuracy.

  10. "the UK people of this category seem to eat fruits and vegetable most regularly" -> "women in the UK appear to consume fruits and vegetables most regularly"
    Explanation: "Women in the UK" is more precise and formal than "the UK people of this category," and "appear" is more appropriate than "seem" in an academic context.

  11. "located dramatically to 35%" -> "increased dramatically to 35%"
    Explanation: "Increased" is the correct verb to describe the change in percentage, while "located" is inappropriate in this context.

  12. "enjoyed an insignificantly decline" -> "experienced a negligible decline"
    Explanation: "Experienced" is a more formal term than "enjoyed," and "negligible" is a more precise term than "insignificantly," which is incorrectly used as an adverb here.

  13. "hitting a low of 26%" -> "reaching a low of 26%"
    Explanation: "Reaching" is a more formal and precise term than "hitting" in this context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the chart, including the overall trend and the key features of each category. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the percentage of children who ate five portions of fruits per day was "north of 14%" in the first three years, but the chart shows that the percentage was actually between 12% and 14%.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate and relevant details about the key features of the chart. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of children who ate five portions of fruits per day increased from 12% in 2001 to 24% in 2008, while the percentage of men increased from 18% to 26% over the same period. The essay could also provide more specific comparisons between the different categories, such as stating that the percentage of women who ate five portions of fruits per day was consistently higher than the percentage of men and children.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression. It provides a general overview of the trends in the data and includes specific details about the percentages for children, men, and women. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, with phrases like "north of" and "south of" being informal and not always appropriate for academic writing. Additionally, there are instances of unclear referencing, such as "the figure for women always topping the chart," which could be more explicitly connected to the data presented. While paragraphing is present, it could be improved for better logical flow.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a more varied and sophisticated use of cohesive devices. Ensuring that references are clear and precise will enhance coherence. Furthermore, improving the logical organization of paragraphs and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic will contribute to a more cohesive structure. Finally, avoiding informal expressions and focusing on more formal language will strengthen the overall academic tone of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "proportion," "fluctuations," and "insignificantly," but there are notable inaccuracies in word choice and spelling, such as "vegatables" (should be "vegetables") and "north of" (which is informal and less appropriate in this context). The errors in spelling and word formation do not severely impede communication, but they do detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and ensuring the accuracy of word choice and spelling. Additionally, using more sophisticated lexical items and varying sentence structures would enhance the fluency and flexibility of the language. Proofreading the essay for minor errors before submission would also help to minimize inaccuracies and improve overall coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which aligns with the criteria for Band 6. While there are some grammatical errors (e.g., "five proportion of fruits" should be "five portions of fruits," and "noticable" should be "noticeable"), these errors do not significantly impede communication. The essay maintains a clear structure and presents the information logically, but the frequency and nature of the errors indicate that the writer has not fully mastered grammatical accuracy.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

  1. Increase Accuracy: Pay closer attention to grammatical details, ensuring that all sentences are free from errors.
  2. Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures while maintaining accuracy.
  3. Proofreading: Review the essay for spelling and punctuation errors before submission to enhance overall clarity and professionalism.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given graph illustrates the proportion of UK citizens consuming five portions of fruits and vegetables per day over a period of eight years, commencing from 2001. Overall, despite some fluctuations, there was a rise in the percentage across all surveyed categories, namely children, men, and women, with the figure for women consistently topping the chart. It is also noticeable that the proportion of children remained the lowest throughout this recorded time frame.

Specifically, the percentage of children who ate five portions of fruits and vegetables per day was above 14% in the first three years, then increased to just below 26% in 2006 before decreasing slightly to 24% in 2008. Similarly, the figure for men started at about 18%, followed by an upward trend to nearly 24% over the next five years, culminating in a final slight rise of 2% in the last year recorded.

In terms of women, this demographic appears to consume fruits and vegetables most regularly, with the figure consistently leading the chart. Starting at 23%, the proportion of women eating fruits and vegetables in the UK rose dramatically to 35% in 2006. However, between 2006 and 2008, it experienced a slight decline, reaching a low of 26% in the final year of the studied period.

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