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The bar chart shows the scores of teams A, B and C over four different seasons.

The bar chart shows the scores of teams A, B and C over four different seasons.

The bar chart illustrates the scores gained by three teams per season from 2002 to 2005. Overall, it can be seen that all teams' points fluctuated, but team B remained at the highest score throughout this time.
At the beginning of this period, in 2002, team A and team C accounted for 5 and 10 points consecutively, whereas team B was at its peak of 82 points. Over the next 3 years, team B's score decreased by approximately 20 points in 2003 and 2004, then increased to 55 points in 2005, although still being the highest.

Team A and team C mainly both stood between 5 and 15 points, except for the year 2004, when team A experienced a significant rise of about 25 points.

At the end of the period, the score of team A quickly plummeted from 35 points to 8 points, thus being closer to team C with 5 points.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "the scores gained by three teams per season" -> "the points accrued by three teams annually"
    Explanation: "Scores gained" is somewhat redundant and less formal. "Points accrued" is a more sophisticated alternative that conveys the idea of accumulation over time.

  2. "all teams’ points fluctuated" -> "the points of all teams fluctuated"
    Explanation: The possessive form "all teams’" is unnecessary here. Removing it simplifies the sentence without altering its meaning.

  3. "remained at the highest score" -> "maintained the highest score"
    Explanation: "Remained at the highest score" is awkward phrasing. "Maintained the highest score" conveys the same meaning more clearly and concisely.

  4. "accounted for 5 and 10 points consecutively" -> "held 5 and 10 points, respectively"
    Explanation: "Accounted for" is not the most precise term here. "Held" is a better choice to indicate possession or ownership.

  5. "whereas team B was at its peak of 82 points" -> "while team B reached its peak at 82 points"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and using "reached its peak" provides a smoother flow of information.

  6. "Over the next 3 years" -> "During the subsequent three years"
    Explanation: Using "during the subsequent" adds sophistication and avoids repetition of the word "over."

  7. "score decreased by approximately 20 points" -> "points decreased by roughly 20"
    Explanation: Placing "points" before "decreased" enhances clarity and conciseness.

  8. "still being the highest" -> "still maintaining the highest position"
    Explanation: "Being the highest" lacks specificity. "Maintaining the highest position" provides a clearer description of the team’s status.

  9. "mainly both stood" -> "primarily remained"
    Explanation: "Mainly both stood" is redundant and awkward. "Primarily remained" is more concise and formal.

  10. "when team A experienced" -> "when team A underwent"
    Explanation: "Experienced" is somewhat informal. "Underwent" is a more sophisticated term for describing a change or experience.

  11. "significant rise of about 25 points" -> "substantial increase of approximately 25 points"
    Explanation: "Rise" can be replaced with "increase" for variety, and "significant" can be substituted with "substantial" for a more precise description.

  12. "quickly plummeted" -> "rapidly declined"
    Explanation: "Plummeted" is already strong, so adding "quickly" is unnecessary. "Rapidly declined" maintains the intensity of the action.

  13. "thus being closer to team C with 5 points" -> "thus approaching the 5 points of team C"
    Explanation: "Closer to" can be replaced with "approaching" for clarity, and rephrasing the end of the sentence provides a smoother transition.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in the scores of teams A, B, and C over the four-year period. It presents a clear overview of the main scores achieved by each team in different years and effectively highlights key features such as fluctuations in scores and the consistent high performance of team B. The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the data presented in the chart.

How to improve:
To improve, the essay could extend its discussion of key features slightly further, providing more specific details about the fluctuations in scores and perhaps exploring any potential reasons for these fluctuations. Additionally, ensuring that all information provided is relevant and accurate will strengthen the overall response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, providing a clear overview of the data presented in the bar chart. There is a logical progression in discussing the scores of the teams over the four seasons, with clear references to the years and the corresponding scores. Paragraphing is utilized to separate key points, although there is room for improvement in ensuring a more logical flow between paragraphs. Cohesive devices are used effectively to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs, aiding the overall coherence of the essay. However, there are some instances where cohesion could be improved, particularly in transitioning between ideas and paragraphs. Overall, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of coherence and cohesion, there is room for refinement to enhance the clarity and fluidity of the writing.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs by ensuring that each paragraph builds upon the previous one in a clear and systematic manner. Use cohesive devices more consistently to establish connections between ideas and to guide the reader through the essay. Additionally, pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to ensure a smooth progression of ideas throughout the essay. Finally, consider refining the structure of the essay to further enhance its coherence and cohesion, perhaps by grouping related information more closely together.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering the necessary terms related to describing a bar chart and discussing scores. There is an attempt to incorporate less common vocabulary such as "fluctuated" and "consecutively," although some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation are noticeable ("accounted for" could be replaced with "had" or "scored"). There are minor errors in word formation and spelling, such as "points" being repeated frequently and "peak" being used instead of "peak score" for clarity. However, these errors do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, aim for more varied and precise vocabulary choices. Try to avoid repetition of words like "points" and ensure consistency in terminology usage. Proofreading for spelling and word formation errors can enhance the overall clarity of the essay. Additionally, consider refining sentence structures to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with attempts at using complex structures. There are some errors in grammar and punctuation, but they rarely reduce communication. The writer shows a basic ability to vary sentence structure and uses a range of vocabulary appropriately.

How to improve:
To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of complex structures with more accuracy. Pay attention to the correct use of verb tenses and punctuation to enhance clarity and coherence.


This assessment considers the variety of sentence structures used in the essay and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. Let me know if you need further assistance!

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart delineates the performance of teams A, B, and C across four consecutive seasons from 2002 to 2005. Overall, it is evident that there were fluctuations in the scores of all teams, with team B maintaining the highest score throughout the period.

Commencing in 2002, team A and team C recorded scores of 5 and 10 points, respectively, while team B reached its pinnacle with 82 points. Over the subsequent three years, team B witnessed a decline in its score by approximately 20 points in both 2003 and 2004, before rebounding to 55 points in 2005, though still maintaining its lead.

Throughout the duration, team A and team C primarily remained within the range of 5 to 15 points, with an exception in 2004 when team A experienced a notable surge of about 25 points.

Towards the end of the period, team A’s score sharply dropped from 35 points to 8 points, thus bringing it closer to team C, which maintained 5 points throughout.

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