The bar chart shows the types of media that people of different age groups used to get daily news in one country in 2011. (Đề thi ngày 17/04/2021)

The bar chart shows the types of media that people of different age groups used to get daily news in one country in 2011. (Đề thi ngày 17/04/2021)

The bar graph displays the 2011 usage rates of three news media by citizens in an undisclosed country across various age groups.

While previous generations mostly relied on radio to keep up with current events, teenagers mostly got their daily news from social networking sites. It is interesting to note that among individuals of all ages, microblogging was the least favored way to obtain news.

Eighty percent of people in the adolescent (10–17) and young adult (18–29) age groups used social networks. Social networks dominated the first category, with a significantly higher percentage than radio and microblogging, which came in at two and three times, respectively. Radio, with a utilization rate of more than 90%, presented a challenge to social networks' supremacy in the latter category. Moreover, up to 25% of the population chooses microblogging for those aged 18 to 29.

Now let's look at the remaining age groups. Radio remained the most popular at almost 90%, but as the years in the age group increased, so did the usage rates of the other two media. In particular, just 10% of elderly people in the oldest age group used social networks, and only a small portion of this population preferred microblogging.

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Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all components of the prompt by providing a clear overview of the data presented in the bar chart and discussing the usage patterns of different age groups regarding various media for obtaining daily news in 2011.
  • How to improve: To enhance the completeness of the response, consider providing more analysis on the implications of the trends observed in the data, such as potential reasons behind the differences in media preference among age groups or the potential impact of these preferences on society and media consumption habits.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout, presenting factual information about the usage rates of different media types without expressing personal opinions or biases.
  • How to improve: Since this essay doesn’t require taking a position or expressing personal views, there’s no specific improvement needed regarding maintaining a clear stance. However, ensure that the factual information presented remains objective and accurate.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents the data from the bar chart, extending the discussion by providing detailed statistics and comparisons between different age groups’ media usage patterns. It also supports the ideas with specific percentages from the chart.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the development of ideas, consider elaborating on the potential reasons behind the observed trends, such as societal changes, technological advancements, or cultural influences. Providing more context could enrich the analysis.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay stays focused on the topic by analyzing the data presented in the bar chart and discussing the usage patterns of various media types for obtaining daily news across different age groups in 2011.
  • How to improve: Ensure that all the information provided directly relates to the data presented in the chart and avoids any tangential discussions. Additionally, maintaining a clear structure throughout the essay can help in staying on topic and avoiding irrelevant details.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt by providing a comprehensive analysis of the data presented in the bar chart regarding media usage for obtaining daily news across different age groups in 2011. To improve further, consider providing deeper analysis, extending the discussion, and ensuring the information remains relevant and focused.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information, with a clear introduction that presents the topic and data from the bar chart. It proceeds to compare the usage rates across different age groups systematically. Each paragraph focuses on a specific age group, discussing the predominant media consumption pattern within that group. The progression from discussing teenagers to older adults is coherent and facilitates understanding.
  • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider providing transitions between paragraphs to improve the coherence of the essay. For instance, using phrases like "moving on to," "conversely," or "in contrast" can help readers follow the flow of ideas more smoothly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize information, with each paragraph dedicated to analyzing the media consumption patterns within a particular age group. This structuring allows for clear delineation of ideas and prevents the essay from becoming overly dense or confusing. The paragraphs maintain a clear topic sentence and provide supporting details and analysis.
  • How to improve: While the essay’s paragraphing is generally effective, ensure that each paragraph maintains unity and coherence around a central idea. Consider revising sentences or phrases that may seem disconnected from the main topic of the paragraph to strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices such as pronouns ("it," "which"), conjunctions ("while," "moreover"), and transitional phrases ("now let’s look at") to connect ideas and facilitate smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs. These cohesive devices help maintain coherence and cohesion throughout the essay, enabling readers to follow the argumentation easily.
  • How to improve: To further enrich the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of transition words and phrases to signal relationships between ideas more explicitly. Additionally, ensure consistency in the use of pronouns and other referential expressions to avoid ambiguity and confusion for the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable breadth of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "adolescent," "microblogging," "supremacy," and "utilization rate." These words contribute to a nuanced description of the data presented in the bar chart.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more varied synonyms or related terms where appropriate. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "usage rates," you could interchange it with phrases like "adoption levels" or "utilization patterns" to avoid repetition and add richness to the expression.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision. For instance, phrases like "utilization rate," "dominated the first category," and "remained the most popular" effectively convey specific meanings in the context of discussing data trends. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, when discussing the prevalence of social networks among teenagers, using "predominantly" or "overwhelmingly" instead of "mostly" would add precision to the description.
  • How to improve: Continuously strive to select the most accurate and fitting vocabulary to express ideas. When revising, consider whether there are more precise terms available to convey the intended meaning. Utilizing a thesaurus or studying word usage in context can aid in expanding vocabulary precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally high level of spelling accuracy. Key terms and phrases are spelled correctly throughout the text, contributing to the overall clarity of communication.
  • How to improve: While spelling accuracy is already strong, it’s beneficial to remain vigilant during the writing process and utilize tools such as spell checkers to catch any potential errors. Additionally, reviewing commonly misspelled words and practicing spelling exercises can further solidify spelling skills.

Overall, the essay exhibits a proficient command of vocabulary and spelling, contributing to its clarity and coherence. To continue improving, focus on diversifying vocabulary, refining precision, and maintaining consistent spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and relative clauses. For instance, "While previous generations mostly relied on radio to keep up with current events, teenagers mostly got their daily news from social networking sites" showcases a complex sentence structure with a contrastive subordinate clause. Additionally, the essay employs appositive phrases ("Eighty percent of people in the adolescent (10–17) and young adult (18–29) age groups used social networks") and conditional sentences ("Radio, with a utilization rate of more than 90%, presented a challenge to social networks’ supremacy in the latter category").
  • How to improve: To further enhance grammatical range, consider integrating more advanced structures such as inversion, passive voice constructions, and participial phrases. For instance, instead of solely relying on conjunctions for complex sentences, experiment with other subordinating connectors like "although," "despite," or "whereas." Additionally, incorporating rhetorical devices such as parallelism and chiasmus can add sophistication to the essay’s structure.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. Sentences are generally well-structured, and grammatical errors are minimal. For instance, "Eighty percent of people in the adolescent (10–17) and young adult (18–29) age groups used social networks" is grammatically sound, with correct subject-verb agreement and appropriate use of modifiers. Punctuation marks are used effectively to separate clauses and indicate pauses, contributing to the coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: While the essay exhibits proficiency in grammar and punctuation, there are a few areas that could be refined. Specifically, ensure consistency in verb tense usage throughout the essay. While the majority of the essay maintains a consistent past tense, there are instances where present tense is used ("Now let’s look at the remaining age groups"). Maintaining uniformity in tense usage enhances the overall clarity and coherence of the essay. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation consistency, particularly regarding the use of commas before introductory phrases and in compound sentences. Reviewing punctuation rules, especially in complex sentence structures, can help refine punctuation accuracy further.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart illustrates the media preferences for daily news consumption across different age groups in a particular country during the year 2011.

Traditionally, radio was the primary source of news for earlier generations, while teenagers favored social networking sites. Notably, microblogging was the least utilized medium across all age groups.

Approximately 80% of individuals in the adolescent (10–17) and young adult (18–29) categories accessed news through social networks. This platform significantly surpassed radio and microblogging, with usage rates two to three times higher. Despite this, radio maintained a utilization rate of over 90%, posing a challenge to the dominance of social networks in the latter age group. Furthermore, approximately 25% of individuals aged 18 to 29 preferred microblogging.

Moving on to older age groups, radio remained the preferred choice, with almost 90% utilization. However, as age increased within these groups, the usage rates for social networks and microblogging also rose. Notably, only 10% of elderly individuals in the oldest age group utilized social networks, and a small portion of this demographic favored microblogging.