The best way for a country to prepare for the future is to invest resources in its young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that young generation in each country being the most significant investment for the future development. In my point of view, I totally agree with this opinion considering its vital role in economical and cognitive development.

Regarding the economy, it is unadmitted that young people contribute to developing the economy through many fields. First, when the government spends money on the young population, human resources in the future will be enhanced by receiving quality education, skills training, and opportunities for personal growth so that the economy develops. Second, the world develops day by day, so the government needs to spend more money improving education to generate future generations who can adapt to global changes. By doing so, these young people will become the main drive for economic and societal growth of a nation in the long run.

On the other hand, investing in young people can raise their awareness by educating. When young people benefit from high quality education, it will create a more civilized society. Education can raise people’s awareness, and as a result to reduce crime rate in the society can be significantly reduced. For instance, Poland has one of the best education programs and being called the happiest country with low crime rate, which prove for allocating money for young people is the best way to prepare for the development of the country in the future.

In conclusion, I hold the belief that young people is the most clever investment for nation's future preparedness through its benefits in economy and cognition development.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"It is believed that young generation" -> "It is believed that the young generation"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "young generation" corrects the grammatical error, making the phrase grammatically correct and more formal.
"In my point of view, I totally agree" -> "From my perspective, I strongly agree"
Explanation: "In my point of view" is a less formal expression; "From my perspective" is more academically appropriate. Also, "totally" is somewhat informal and can be replaced with "strongly" to maintain a formal tone.
"economical and cognitive development" -> "economic and cognitive development"
Explanation: "Economical" refers to being thrifty or cost-effective, whereas "economic" pertains to the economy, making it the correct term in this context.
"it is unadmitted" -> "it is undeniable"
Explanation: "Unadmitted" does not convey the intended meaning, which is that a fact is widely accepted or cannot be denied. "Undeniable" is the correct term to express this.
"developing the economy through many fields" -> "advancing the economy across various sectors"
Explanation: "Advancing" is more precise than "developing" in this context, and "sectors" is more specific and formal than "fields."
"human resources in the future will be enhanced" -> "the future workforce will be strengthened"
Explanation: "The future workforce" is a more specific term than "human resources in the future," and "strengthened" is more formal and fitting than "enhanced" in this context.
"the world develops day by day" -> "the world evolves continuously"
Explanation: "Evolves continuously" is a more academically appropriate phrase than "develops day by day," which sounds too informal.
"raise their awareness by educating" -> "enhance their awareness through education"
Explanation: "Enhance" is more formal than "raise," and "through education" is a more precise and academic way to express the idea than "by educating."
"it will create a more civilized society" -> "it will foster a more civilized society"
Explanation: "Foster" is a more formal and suitable verb for the context of promoting or encouraging development within society.
"as a result to reduce crime rate in the society can be significantly reduced" -> "as a result, the crime rate in society can be significantly reduced"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and repetitive. The correction streamlines the sentence structure and removes redundancy, improving clarity and formality.
"being called the happiest country with low crime rate" -> "referred to as the happiest country with a low crime rate"
Explanation: "Referred to as" is more formal and appropriate than "being called," and "a low crime rate" corrects the article usage, making the phrase grammatically correct.
"which prove for allocating money" -> "which serves as proof that allocating money"
Explanation: "Which serves as proof that" is a more formal and logically coherent way to introduce evidence supporting the previous statement.
"young people is" -> "young people are"
Explanation: "Young people" is a plural noun, so "are" is the correct verb form, not "is."
"clever investment" -> "wise investment"
Explanation: "Wise" is more formal and fitting than "clever" when referring to the judicious allocation of resources in an academic context.
"nation’s future preparedness" -> "the nation’s future preparedness"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "nation’s" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase grammatically correct and more formal.
"economy and cognition development" -> "economic and cognitive development"
Explanation: "Economic development" is the correct term, and "cognitive development" maintains parallel structure, improving the formality and clarity of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by expressing agreement with the idea that investing in young people is crucial for a country’s future preparedness. It discusses both economic and cognitive aspects of investing in youth.
- How to improve: While the essay acknowledges the importance of investing in young people, it could enhance its response by providing more depth in discussing the potential challenges or counterarguments related to this approach. Additionally, further elaboration on how investing in young people specifically addresses the future needs of the country would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, consistently supporting the idea that investing in young people is essential for the future development of a nation.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, ensure that each paragraph reinforces the main argument and avoids ambiguity. Explicitly stating the thesis in the introduction and restating it in the conclusion can also help reinforce clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the economic benefits and societal impact of investing in young people. It supports these ideas with examples, such as the connection between education and reduced crime rates in Poland.
- How to improve: To extend ideas further, provide additional examples or statistics to bolster the argument. Additionally, offering a more nuanced discussion by considering potential drawbacks or limitations of investing in young people would enhance the depth of the analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the importance of investing in young people and its implications for future development.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the central argument and avoid tangential discussions. Additionally, clearly linking each point back to how it contributes to the overall argument will help strengthen coherence.

Overall, while the essay effectively conveys the importance of investing in young people for a country’s future, further development of ideas, depth of analysis, and coherence could elevate the response to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt to organize information logically. It begins with an introduction that states the author’s agreement with the notion of investing in young people for future development. The body paragraphs discuss two main points: the economic benefits of investing in youth and the societal benefits, each supported by examples and reasoning. Finally, the conclusion reaffirms the author’s stance. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, ensure that each paragraph builds upon the previous one and transitions smoothly to the next. Use transitional phrases like "Furthermore," "In addition," or "On the other hand" to guide the reader through the essay’s flow.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into three paragraphs: introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph serves its purpose adequately. However, the body paragraph could benefit from further subdivision to enhance clarity and organization of ideas. The body paragraph discusses both economic and societal benefits, which could be separated into two distinct paragraphs for better structure.
- How to improve: Consider breaking the body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing solely on economic benefits and another on societal benefits. This will help maintain a clear and focused structure, allowing each idea to be developed more thoroughly within its own paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Examples include transitional phrases ("regarding," "on the other hand," "in conclusion") and pronouns ("it," "these"). However, the variety and effectiveness of these devices could be improved for stronger cohesion.
- How to improve: Increase the range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Incorporate a variety of transition words and phrases such as "moreover," "nevertheless," and "consequently" to create stronger connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure pronouns are used consistently and refer clearly to antecedents to avoid confusion.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents its argument and demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, there are areas for improvement to enhance the logical organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices. By addressing these aspects, the essay could achieve a higher band score in the Coherence and Cohesion criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "significant investment," "economical," "cognitive development," "human resources," "societal growth," "civilized society," and "preparedness," among others. These vocabulary choices contribute to the depth and clarity of the argument presented.
- How to improve: To further enhance the lexical richness, consider incorporating more nuanced or specialized vocabulary where applicable. For instance, instead of using "significant investment," you might opt for "paramount investment" or "crucial investment" to add variety and sophistication to your expression. Additionally, aim to integrate domain-specific terminology related to economics and education to strengthen the essay’s coherence and credibility.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas and arguments. For instance, phrases like "young generation," "quality education," and "reduce crime rate" are clear and apt in their usage. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise, such as in the phrase "unadmitted that," which could be replaced with "undeniable that" for greater clarity and accuracy.
- How to improve: Continuously refine your vocabulary usage by striving for greater precision and specificity. Be mindful of context and select words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Consider utilizing a thesaurus or vocabulary-building resources to expand your repertoire of precise terminology, particularly in areas where clarity and conciseness are paramount.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with minimal errors observed throughout. Examples of correctly spelled words include "significant," "development," "awareness," and "civilized." However, there are a few instances where spelling errors detract from the overall coherence of the essay, such as "economical" instead of "economic" and "cognition" instead of "cognitive."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider employing proofreading techniques such as reading your essay aloud or using spell-checking software to identify and correct errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common spelling patterns and exceptions to avoid recurrent mistakes. Regular practice and attention to detail will contribute to improved spelling proficiency over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. It includes simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, the variety is somewhat limited, with a tendency to rely heavily on simple sentences. For example, "It is believed that young generation in each country being the most significant investment for the future development."
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, try incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses. For instance, "Investing in young people, who represent the future of a nation, is crucial for long-term economic and societal development."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar and punctuation. However, there are some notable errors throughout the essay. For example, "Regarding the economy, it is unadmitted that young people contribute to developing the economy through many fields." Here, "unadmitted" is not the appropriate word choice. Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors, such as missing commas in certain places.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and word choice. Also, work on using commas correctly to enhance clarity and readability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy. Incorporating these suggestions can help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is believed that the young generation in each country constitutes the most significant investment for future development. From my perspective, I strongly agree with this notion, considering their vital role in economic and cognitive development.

Regarding the economy, it is undeniable that young people contribute to advancing the economy across various sectors. Firstly, when the government allocates resources to the young population, it enhances the future workforce through quality education, skills training, and personal growth opportunities, thus fostering economic development. Secondly, as the world evolves continuously, investing in education becomes crucial to prepare future generations to adapt to global changes. Consequently, these young individuals will emerge as the primary drivers of a nation’s economic and societal growth in the long term.

Moreover, investing in young people can enhance their awareness through education. When young individuals receive high-quality education, it fosters a more civilized society. Education plays a pivotal role in raising people’s awareness, consequently leading to a significant reduction in the crime rate within society. For example, Poland, with one of the best education programs, is often referred to as the happiest country with a low crime rate, serving as proof that allocating resources for young people is a wise investment in a nation’s future preparedness.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that investing in young people is the wisest investment for a nation’s future preparedness, given its profound benefits in both economic and cognitive development.