The best way to improve children’s life is for fathers and mothers to attend courses for parenting and children development. Do you agree or disagree

Some people contend that the most effective method to improve life of children is for parents to participate in courses for parenting and children development. From my point of view, I totally agree with this statement because this way provides several benefits for fathers and mothers to raise their children in a more comprehensive way.
First of all, Parenting courses provide comprehensive, research-backed strategies for child development, making them the most effective way for parents to foster emotional, social, and intellectual growth in their children. The process of children development has gone through thousands of years of humanity. In order to completely optimize this process of a child, experts with their knowledge have created courses with research- backed strategies to help parents enhance their children’s behaviour, emotion, society’s manners and knowledge in an early age. Many findings currently show that, in modern cities, children whose parents are equipped with parenting courses often tend to behave more correctly than those who naturally develop themselves.
Secondly, this method is vastly applied for every family in today’s society which prove the efficiency of this method in educational perspective. While many parents choose the traditional method to educate their children, which shows less effective in the child performance, this approach directly influences the way parents orientate their children’s mindsets, manners from a early phase of the development. Many scientists point out that, a child who are well-educated by parents with scientific educational method usually has a better performance in school and communicates more consciously in daily conversation.
In conclusion, parenting and children development courses have offered several advantages in the quality improvement of children’s life. This is also a method that changes the way parents educate their children, helps them understand and connect the family relationship.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"improve life of children" -> "enhance the lives of children"
Explanation: "Enhance the lives of children" is more precise and formal, aligning better with academic style by using the plural form "lives" and the verb "enhance," which is more specific than "improve."
"participate in courses for parenting and children development" -> "enroll in courses on parenting and child development"
Explanation: "Enroll in courses on parenting and child development" is more formal and specific, using "enroll" which is more precise than "participate," and "child development" is the standard term in academic contexts.
"I totally agree with this statement" -> "I strongly concur with this assertion"
Explanation: "I strongly concur with this assertion" replaces the colloquial "totally agree" with a more formal expression, enhancing the academic tone.
"this way provides several benefits" -> "this approach offers several advantages"
Explanation: "This approach offers several advantages" is more formal and precise, replacing "this way" with "this approach," which is more specific and academic.
"comprehensive, research-backed strategies" -> "comprehensive, evidence-based strategies"
Explanation: "Evidence-based" is a more precise and academically accepted term than "research-backed," which is less commonly used in formal writing.
"the process of children development" -> "the process of child development"
Explanation: "Child development" is the correct term, using the singular "child" to refer to the general process, which is more grammatically correct and formal.
"In order to completely optimize this process of a child" -> "to optimize this process of child development"
Explanation: Removing "completely" and rephrasing to "optimize this process of child development" simplifies and clarifies the sentence, making it more direct and formal.
"enhance their children’s behaviour, emotion, society’s manners and knowledge" -> "enhance their children’s behavior, emotional development, social etiquette, and knowledge"
Explanation: Replacing "behaviour, emotion, society’s manners" with "behavior, emotional development, social etiquette, and knowledge" uses more precise and formal terms, aligning with academic standards.
"in an early age" -> "at an early age"
Explanation: "At an early age" is the correct prepositional phrase, which is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"this method is vastly applied for every family" -> "this approach is widely applied by every family"
Explanation: "This approach is widely applied by every family" corrects the awkward phrasing and uses "approach" instead of "method," which is more suitable for the context of parenting strategies.
"which prove the efficiency" -> "which demonstrates the effectiveness"
Explanation: "Demonstrates the effectiveness" is more precise and formal than "prove," which is less commonly used in academic writing.
"orientate their children’s mindsets" -> "orient their children’s mindsets"
Explanation: Correcting "orientate" to "orient" fixes a common spelling error, ensuring grammatical accuracy.
"communicates more consciously" -> "communicate more effectively"
Explanation: "Communicate more effectively" is a more precise and formal way to describe improved communication skills, replacing the less formal "communicates more consciously."
"children’s life" -> "children’s lives"
Explanation: "Children’s lives" should be plural to match the context of multiple children, enhancing grammatical correctness and formality.

These changes refine the essay’s language to better suit an academic context, ensuring precision, formality, and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly agreeing with the statement that parenting courses improve children’s lives. The author articulates the benefits of these courses in terms of emotional, social, and intellectual growth. However, while the essay presents a strong argument for the benefits of parenting courses, it could have briefly acknowledged opposing views or alternative methods to provide a more balanced perspective.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, consider including a counterargument that acknowledges other ways parents can support their children’s development, such as experiential learning or community support. This would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently supporting the idea that parenting courses are beneficial. The use of phrases like "I totally agree" and "this way provides several benefits" reinforces the author’s stance. However, the transition between points could be smoother to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument more effectively. For example, phrases like "Furthermore" or "In addition" can help connect ideas and reinforce the overall position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-supported ideas, such as the effectiveness of parenting courses and their broad applicability. The author cites research-backed strategies and mentions the positive outcomes for children. However, some claims, such as "children whose parents are equipped with parenting courses often tend to behave more correctly," could benefit from specific examples or data to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: Incorporate specific examples or statistics to substantiate claims. For instance, referencing studies or surveys that demonstrate the positive impact of parenting courses on children’s behavior would enhance the credibility of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of parenting courses. However, there are moments where the language becomes slightly vague, such as "this method is vastly applied for every family," which could lead to confusion about the intended meaning.
- How to improve: Ensure that all statements are precise and directly related to the topic. Avoid vague language and clarify any ambiguous phrases. For example, instead of saying "this method is vastly applied," specify that "parenting courses are increasingly popular among families seeking to improve their parenting skills." This will help maintain focus and clarity.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument supporting the idea that parenting courses improve children’s lives. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs logically follow this premise. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of parenting courses in terms of child development, while the second paragraph addresses the broader applicability and effectiveness of these courses. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother, as the connection between the benefits and their application is somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the benefits in the first paragraph, a sentence like "Moreover, the widespread adoption of these courses highlights their relevance in contemporary society" could serve as a bridge to the second paragraph.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs delve into the benefits and applications of parenting courses. However, the second paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate back to the thesis, as the current topic sentence is somewhat vague.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences of each paragraph to ensure they clearly reflect the main idea of the paragraph. For instance, instead of "this method is vastly applied for every family in today’s society," a more direct statement like "The widespread application of parenting courses demonstrates their effectiveness in improving child outcomes" would provide clearer guidance for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "secondly," and "in conclusion," which help to structure the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For instance, the essay relies heavily on simple transitions and could benefit from more complex structures to enhance cohesion.
- How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of ideas. For example, using phrases like "in addition," "furthermore," or "consequently" can help to create more nuanced connections between sentences and ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can reduce repetition and enhance cohesion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, but with some refinements in transitions, topic sentences, and the variety of cohesive devices, it could achieve an even higher level of clarity and fluidity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "comprehensive," "strategies," and "development." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "children development" and "parenting courses." The use of synonyms or varied expressions could enhance the richness of the language.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating a broader array of vocabulary related to child development and education. For example, instead of repeatedly using "parenting courses," you might use "parenting workshops," "educational seminars," or "child-rearing programs." This variety can help to convey your ideas more dynamically.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally communicates ideas effectively, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary use. For example, the phrase "the process of children development" could be more accurately expressed as "child development processes." Additionally, "behave more correctly" is awkward; "behave more appropriately" would be a more precise choice.
- How to improve: Focus on refining your word choices for clarity and precision. Review your essay for phrases that could be misinterpreted or that sound unnatural. For instance, instead of "the way parents orientate their children’s mindsets," consider "the way parents shape their children’s mindsets." This not only clarifies your meaning but also enhances the overall fluency of your writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "behaviour" (British English) and "a early phase" (should be "an early phase"). While these do not significantly impede understanding, they do detract from the professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy where you read through your essay multiple times, focusing specifically on spelling. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help catch errors before finalizing your work. Practicing spelling common academic terms related to your topic can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "In order to completely optimize this process of a child, experts with their knowledge have created courses with research-backed strategies to help parents enhance their children’s behaviour, emotion, society’s manners and knowledge in an early age" show an attempt to convey intricate ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "this method" or "parents," which can make the writing feel less dynamic.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, instead of repeating "this method," you might use phrases like "Such an approach" or "These courses" to introduce variety. Additionally, incorporating more varied introductory phrases (e.g., "Moreover," "Furthermore," "In contrast") can enhance the flow and coherence of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, the phrase "the process of children development" should be "the process of child development." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the unnecessary comma in "Many scientists point out that, a child who are well-educated," which should be removed. The use of "which shows less effective in the child performance" is also incorrect; it should be "which is less effective in child performance."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review subject-verb agreement (e.g., "a child who are" should be "a child who is") and ensure proper noun forms (e.g., "children development" should be "child development"). Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common errors can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used correctly will enhance clarity. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and grammatical mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and a good command of language, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy will help achieve a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people contend that the most effective method to enhance the lives of children is for parents to enroll in courses on parenting and child development. From my point of view, I strongly concur with this assertion because this approach offers several advantages for fathers and mothers to raise their children in a more comprehensive way.

First of all, parenting courses provide comprehensive, evidence-based strategies for child development, making them the most effective way for parents to foster emotional, social, and intellectual growth in their children. The process of child development has evolved over thousands of years. To optimize this process, experts have created courses grounded in research-backed strategies to help parents enhance their children’s behavior, emotional development, social etiquette, and knowledge at an early age. Many findings currently show that, in modern cities, children whose parents are equipped with parenting courses often tend to behave more appropriately than those who develop without such guidance.

Secondly, this approach is widely applied by every family in today’s society, which demonstrates its effectiveness from an educational perspective. While many parents choose traditional methods to educate their children, which show less effectiveness in child performance, this method directly influences how parents orient their children’s mindsets and manners from an early phase of development. Many scientists point out that a child who is well-educated by parents using scientific educational methods usually performs better in school and communicates more effectively in daily conversations.

In conclusion, parenting and child development courses offer several advantages in improving the quality of children’s lives. This approach also transforms the way parents educate their children, helping them understand and strengthen family relationships.