The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education, so that they can at least read, write and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Developing countries are facing the situation of low economic growth, which is due to poverty. Therefore, there is a common belief that providing those who are illiterate with 6-year complimentary education is the most viable solution in order to decrease the level of illiteracy. While this proposal is true to some extent, I am more convinced that there remain other ways to enhance that kind of status.

On the one hand, I agree that free educational provision is quite pivotal to encourage people’s awareness. First and foremost, it is obvious that a small amount of grant may reduce the financial burden for poor families. By that way, they are able to focus on pursuing higher academic achievements without worrying too much regarding tuition as well as living expenses. Secondly, illiterate individuals are well equipped with elementary education from an early age, which opens doors to numerous job opportunities and leads them to a successful personal as well as professional life. The corollary of this is that the government can build a robust and stable workforce in the long run. Therefore, it seems beneficial not only for themselves but also the country’s economy as a whole.

On the other hand, I am firmly of the opinion that other useful ways are still existing to overcome poverty. This is because the suggestion of free education may have some potential drawbacks. For example, although illiterate people are granted to attend courses free of charge up to six years, they have no intention to learn and suppose that it is unnecessary.
As a result, this support from the government appears to be worthless and time-consuming. Instead, it is suggested that some municipal and local officials look for possible ways on how to help poor families get rid of financial difficulties. Take, for instance, an amount of money can be given to these individuals, so that they can earn a living themselves.

In conclusion, although free educational support is quite sensible to boost a diverse workforce, it seems not valuable when it comes to implementing on a large scale in some developing countries because of residents’ poor awareness. Hence, the government should take a lot of pros and cons into consideration regarding this initiative.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"facing the situation of" -> "confronted with"
Explanation: "Confronted with" is a more direct and academically appropriate term than "facing the situation of," which simplifies the expression and enhances the formal tone.
"providing those who are illiterate with 6-year complimentary education" -> "offering six years of free education to the illiterate"
Explanation: The revised phrase is more concise and uses formal language appropriate for an academic context. Additionally, spelling out numbers under ten is a standard practice in formal writing.
"true to some extent" -> "partially accurate"
Explanation: "Partially accurate" is a more precise and academically suitable expression than "true to some extent," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"quite pivotal" -> "crucial"
Explanation: "Crucial" is a more straightforward and formal term than "quite pivotal," which sounds less academic due to the use of "quite."
"a small amount of grant" -> "a modest grant"
Explanation: "A modest grant" is a clearer and more formal way to describe financial support, avoiding the awkward construction "a small amount of grant."
"By that way" -> "Thus"
Explanation: "Thus" is a concise and formal transitional word that replaces the informal and awkward phrase "By that way."
"well equipped with" -> "provided with"
Explanation: "Provided with" is a more straightforward and academically appropriate term than "well equipped with," which can be seen as overly descriptive in this context.
"opens doors to" -> "facilitates"
Explanation: "Facilitates" is a more formal and concise term than "opens doors to," which is a colloquial idiom not suited for academic writing.
"I am firmly of the opinion" -> "I firmly believe"
Explanation: "I firmly believe" is a more direct and academically appropriate expression than "I am firmly of the opinion," which is unnecessarily wordy.
"other useful ways are still existing" -> "other viable solutions exist"
Explanation: "Other viable solutions exist" is a more concise and formal way to convey the same meaning as "other useful ways are still existing," which is awkwardly phrased.
"granted to attend courses" -> "permitted to enroll in courses"
Explanation: "Permitted to enroll in courses" is a more precise and formal expression than "granted to attend courses," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"have no intention to learn" -> "lack the motivation to learn"
Explanation: "Lack the motivation to learn" is a more specific and academically suitable phrase than "have no intention to learn," which is informal and lacks precision.
"worthless and time-consuming" -> "ineffective and inefficient"
Explanation: "Ineffective and inefficient" are more formal and precise terms than "worthless and time-consuming," which can convey a negative connotation not suitable for academic writing.
"some municipal and local officials" -> "municipal and local authorities"
Explanation: "Municipal and local authorities" is a more formal and appropriate term in an academic context than "some municipal and local officials," which is less precise.
"an amount of money can be given" -> "financial assistance can be provided"
Explanation: "Financial assistance can be provided" is a more formal and clear way to express the idea than "an amount of money can be given," which is vague and informal.
"earn a living themselves" -> "support themselves financially"
Explanation: "Support themselves financially" is a more formal and precise phrase than "earn a living themselves," which is colloquial.
"quite sensible" -> "highly reasonable"
Explanation: "Highly reasonable" is a more formal and emphatic term than "quite sensible," which uses "quite," a word often seen as informal in academic writing.
"not valuable" -> "not effective"
Explanation: "Not effective" is a more precise and academically suitable term than "not valuable," which is vague and less appropriate in this context.
"a lot of pros and cons" -> "numerous advantages and disadvantages"
Explanation: "Numerous advantages and disadvantages" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea than "a lot of pros and cons," which is informal and imprecise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument presented in the prompt. It discusses the potential benefits of providing free education for reducing poverty while also acknowledging potential drawbacks and suggesting alternative approaches.
- How to improve: To further enhance the response, consider providing more specific examples or data to support the points made, demonstrating a deeper understanding of the issue. Additionally, ensuring that each aspect of the prompt is explicitly referenced and analyzed would strengthen the completeness of the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, stating the author’s preference for alternative approaches to reducing poverty over solely relying on free education.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph reinforces the stated position, providing cohesive reasoning and evidence to support it. Additionally, consider refining the thesis statement to explicitly state the author’s stance early in the essay for greater clarity from the outset.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly and attempts to support them with reasoning and examples, such as discussing the financial burden reduction and job opportunities provided by free education. However, some points lack depth and thorough development, particularly in addressing potential drawbacks and alternative solutions.
- How to improve: To extend and support ideas effectively, consider providing more detailed explanations and evidence for each point made. Engage with potential counterarguments more thoroughly to strengthen the overall argumentation. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph follows a clear structure with topic sentences and supporting details to enhance coherence and cohesion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the proposed solution of providing free education to reduce poverty. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing alternative approaches towards the end.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that every point made directly relates to the central argument regarding the efficacy of free education in reducing poverty. Avoid tangential discussions that detract from the main topic, or if included, ensure they are directly tied back to the main argument in a clear and relevant manner.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed and thorough analysis, supporting ideas with stronger evidence, and maintaining a consistent focus throughout. By enhancing these aspects, the essay could strengthen its argumentation and coherence, potentially achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It starts with an introduction that introduces the topic and states the writer’s opinion, followed by two body paragraphs presenting supporting arguments, and concludes with a succinct summary. Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, contributing to the coherence of the essay. However, there are minor instances where the flow could be smoother, such as the transition between the first and second body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure seamless transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through the progression of ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a clear and distinct main point to avoid any potential confusion for the reader.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize its ideas. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately structured, providing a clear framework for the reader to follow. However, there is room for improvement in paragraph unity and coherence, particularly in the second body paragraph where the discussion shifts abruptly from potential drawbacks of free education to alternative solutions.
- How to improve: Aim for stronger paragraph unity by ensuring that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its central idea. In the second body paragraph, provide a smoother transition or introduction to the discussion of alternative solutions to poverty to improve coherence and flow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Examples include transition words and phrases such as "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "first and foremost," and "in conclusion." These cohesive devices help guide the reader through the writer’s argument and contribute to the overall clarity of the essay. However, there is a tendency to rely on basic transitional phrases, and more varied and sophisticated cohesive devices could further enhance coherence.
- How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices beyond basic transitions to include a variety of linking words, pronouns, and synonyms. This can help create a more nuanced and cohesive argument, improving the overall flow and readability of the essay. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices to ensure that they effectively connect ideas within and between paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with varied expressions such as "low economic growth," "financial burden," "numerous job opportunities," "robust and stable workforce," "potential drawbacks," "worthless and time-consuming," and "boost a diverse workforce." These terms contribute to the clarity and depth of the argument presented.
- How to improve: While the essay exhibits a solid vocabulary repertoire, incorporating more sophisticated terminology or nuanced phrasing could elevate the lexical richness further. Consider integrating specialized vocabulary related to poverty alleviation and education policy to enhance precision and sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary effectively, conveying the intended meaning clearly. For instance, phrases like "financial burden," "successful personal as well as professional life," and "worthless and time-consuming" are used precisely to articulate specific concepts. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise, such as the repetition of "illiterate" which could be substituted with synonyms like "uneducated" or "non-literate" for variation and clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, strive for diversity in word choice to avoid redundancy. Additionally, consider utilizing synonyms or contextually appropriate terms to add depth and clarity to the discussion. Thesaurus tools can be valuable resources for discovering alternative expressions.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally adequate, with minimal errors observed. However, there are a few instances of misspelled words, such as "complimentary" instead of "complementary" and "corollary" instead of "corollary." These errors, though infrequent, slightly detract from the overall coherence and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider employing spell-checking tools or proofreading techniques to identify and rectify errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, reviewing common spelling patterns and practicing spelling exercises can contribute to improved spelling proficiency over time. Regular self-editing and seeking feedback from peers or educators can also aid in identifying and correcting spelling mistakes effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, incorporating both simple and complex constructions. For instance, there are complex sentences such as "Developing countries are facing the situation of low economic growth, which is due to poverty," which effectively convey ideas with clarity and sophistication. Additionally, the use of conditional sentences ("This is because the suggestion of free education may have some potential drawbacks") showcases the writer’s ability to express nuanced arguments.
- How to improve: While the essay displays a good range of structures, further diversity could be introduced by incorporating compound-complex sentences and varying the placement of phrases and clauses within sentences. This can enhance the overall flow and coherence of the essay, providing a more engaging reading experience for the audience.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy with minimal errors. Most sentences are grammatically correct, contributing to clear communication of ideas. Punctuation is generally used effectively to separate clauses and phrases, though there are a few instances where errors occur, such as missing commas after introductory phrases ("On the one hand, I agree that free educational provision is quite pivotal to encourage people’s awareness").
- How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, attention to detail regarding punctuation, particularly the consistent use of commas, is advised. Additionally, while the essay is largely free from grammatical errors, revising for subject-verb agreement and maintaining consistency in verb tense usage can help refine the overall fluency and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Developing nations grapple with the challenge of sluggish economic progress, largely attributed to widespread poverty. Consequently, there is a prevailing notion that offering six years of complimentary education to the illiterate populace holds promise in alleviating this issue. While this proposal holds partial merit, I contend that alternative strategies warrant exploration to address this pressing concern.

Undoubtedly, providing free education holds considerable importance in fostering literacy awareness. Initially, a modest grant can alleviate the financial strain on impoverished families, enabling them to concentrate on academic pursuits without fretting over tuition fees and daily expenses. Subsequently, equipping illiterate individuals with rudimentary education from an early age not only broadens their prospects for employment but also paves the path towards personal and professional success. Consequently, such initiatives contribute not only to individual prosperity but also to the overall economic advancement of the nation.

However, I am of the firm belief that alternative solutions exist to combat poverty. The proposition of free education, while well-intentioned, may encounter resistance from individuals lacking the motivation to learn, rendering it ineffective and inefficient. Instead, municipal and local authorities should explore avenues to provide financial assistance directly to impoverished families, empowering them to support themselves economically. For instance, offering monetary aid enables these individuals to generate sustainable livelihoods, thereby addressing the root cause of poverty more directly.

In conclusion, while the provision of free education holds merit in cultivating a skilled workforce, its efficacy may be compromised in contexts where literacy awareness is lacking. Hence, it is imperative for governments to weigh the advantages and disadvantages carefully before implementing such initiatives on a large scale. Ultimately, a multifaceted approach that addresses the diverse needs of the populace is essential in the pursuit of poverty alleviation in developing nations.