The best way to solve the traffic and transportation problem is to encourage people to live in cities rather than suburbs or countryside. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, many urban planners have been struggling with traffic congestion in metropolises. Many policies are approved by government and local authorities to deal with problems. One of the most noticeable policies is to encourage people to move to inhabit cities rather than outskirts or rural areas. In my opinion, this policy is unrealistic because of many reasons which are given in this essay to support my idea.
We admit that the number of vehicles in city centers has been increasing dramatically in recent years. The main cause for this situation because of rising rapidly the quantity of people who move into the cities instead of living in the suburbs or the countryside. According to a survey on the Vn-express website which is one of the most e-newspaper in Vietnam, over half of people express that they want to live in city center rather than outskirt areas. Policy conductors realize that if people can live in the city center, they can save a lot of money because of distance but it also faces many issues that arise such as traffic congestion or lack of school and public service. Therefore, in the future, when the population in the city increases significantly it can put pressure on the facilities of the city.
We cannot deny the fact that moving into a city is a major reason which causes many environmental problems such as carbon dioxide emission, air and water pollution and so on. For example, when the number of people in the city tends to increase the council of the city has to research many plans to develop urban sustainably. We can list some of the projects which can be listed as transportation systems, parking development, etc. but most of them need a strong financial source. It puts pressure on people who live in the city by adding more taxes, therefore, the gap between the rich and the poor is stretched out.
Although living in cities sometimes is more convenient than living in the suburbs or the countryside, however, I want to live in the countryside to contribute to one’s mite to reduce traffic congestion.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"struggling with traffic congestion" -> "addressing traffic congestion"
Explanation: The term "struggling" has a slightly informal tone. "Addressing" maintains the focus on dealing with the issue of traffic congestion while being more appropriate in an academic context.
"One of the most noticeable policies" -> "One prominently observed policy"
Explanation: "Noticeable" is a bit informal. "Prominently observed" offers a more formal description of a widely recognized policy.
"this policy is unrealistic because of many reasons" -> "this policy is impractical due to various reasons"
Explanation: "Unrealistic" may sound subjective; "impractical" carries a more neutral tone. "Various" emphasizes a multitude of reasons without being too specific.
"which are given in this essay to support my idea" -> "outlined in this essay to substantiate my viewpoint"
Explanation: "Given" is informal; "outlined" maintains formality. "Support my idea" is slightly casual; "substantiate my viewpoint" aligns with academic language.
"we admit" -> "it is acknowledged"
Explanation: "We admit" has a personal tone; "it is acknowledged" maintains a more objective, academic perspective.
"The main cause for this situation because of rising rapidly" -> "The primary reason for this situation is the rapid increase"
Explanation: "Main cause for this situation because of rising rapidly" is awkward. "Primary reason" is clearer and more formal. Reordering the sentence improves clarity and formality.
"survey on the Vn-express website which is one of the most e-newspaper in Vietnam" -> "survey on the VnExpress website, a prominent online news platform in Vietnam"
Explanation: "E-newspaper" is an informal term. "Prominent online news platform" offers a more formal description.
"over half of people express that they want to live in city center" -> "more than half of the respondents express a preference for living in the city center"
Explanation: "Over half of people" is casual; "more than half of the respondents" is more formal and precise. "Want to live in city center" is informal; "express a preference for living in the city center" is more formal.
"Policy conductors realize that if people can live in the city center" -> "Policy makers acknowledge that urban residency can lead to"
Explanation: "Policy conductors" is an uncommon term; "policy makers" is more appropriate. Restructuring the sentence improves clarity and formality.
"but it also faces many issues that arise" -> "yet it also confronts numerous resultant issues"
Explanation: "Faces many issues that arise" is redundant. "Confronts numerous resultant issues" is more formal and concise.
"Therefore, in the future, when the population in the city increases significantly" -> "Consequently, as the urban population significantly increases in the future"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence enhances clarity and formality.
"We cannot deny the fact that moving into a city" -> "It is undeniable that the migration to urban areas"
Explanation: The phrase "We cannot deny the fact" is slightly informal. Replacing it with "It is undeniable that" maintains formality.
"many environmental problems such as carbon dioxide emission, air and water pollution and so on" -> "various environmental issues, including carbon dioxide emissions, air, and water pollution"
Explanation: "Environmental problems" can be refined to "environmental issues." Enumerating specific problems in a structured way enhances clarity and formality.
"For example, when the number of people in the city tends to increase" -> "For instance, as the urban population grows"
Explanation: "Tends to increase" is less definitive; "as the urban population grows" is a more formal and direct expression.
"the council of the city" -> "the city council"
Explanation: "Council of the city" can be replaced with the more commonly used term "city council."
"it puts pressure on people who live in the city by adding more taxes" -> "imposes financial pressure on city residents through increased taxation"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality.
"the gap between the rich and the poor is stretched out" -> "exacerbates income inequality"
Explanation: "Stretched out" is an informal expression; "exacerbates income inequality" is a more formal and precise description.
"Although living in cities sometimes is more convenient than living in the suburbs or the countryside" -> "While urban living can be more convenient than residing in suburban or rural areas"
Explanation: Restructuring for a more formal tone and clarity.
"however, I want to live in the countryside to contribute to one’s mite to reduce traffic congestion" -> "However, I prefer to reside in the countryside as my contribution to alleviating traffic congestion"
Explanation: "I want to live in the countryside" is slightly informal; "I prefer to reside in the countryside" maintains formality. Clarifying the contribution to alleviating traffic congestion improves precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Quoted text: "In my opinion, this policy is unrealistic because of many reasons which are given in this essay to support my idea."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction lacks clarity in presenting a precise stance on the given prompt. It is crucial to explicitly state whether you agree or disagree with the idea that encouraging people to live in cities is the best way to solve traffic and transportation problems. A more effective introduction could be: "I strongly disagree with the notion that encouraging people to live in cities is the most viable solution to traffic and transportation problems. In this essay, I will elucidate my reasons and provide examples to support my viewpoint."
- Improved example: "I strongly disagree with the notion that encouraging people to live in cities is the most viable solution to traffic and transportation problems. In this essay, I will elucidate my reasons and provide examples to support my viewpoint."
Quoted text: "Policy conductors realize that if people can live in the city center, they can save a lot of money because of distance, but it also faces many issues that arise such as traffic congestion or lack of school and public service."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The idea presented here lacks clarity and coherence. It’s essential to articulate the connection between living in the city center, saving money, and the subsequent issues faced. Additionally, the sentence structure could be improved for better comprehension.
- Improved example: "While it is true that residing in the city center might lead to cost savings due to reduced commuting distances, it simultaneously gives rise to challenges such as increased traffic congestion and inadequate access to schools and public services."
Quoted text: "We cannot deny the fact that moving into a city is a major reason which causes many environmental problems such as carbon dioxide emission, air and water pollution and so on."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The idea presented is relevant but lacks depth. To improve, provide specific examples or elaborate on the environmental problems caused by moving into cities. This would strengthen your argument and demonstrate a more thorough understanding of the topic.
- Improved example: "Moving into a city significantly contributes to environmental problems, including increased carbon dioxide emissions, air pollution, and water pollution. For instance, the escalating demand for urban infrastructure often leads to deforestation and increased vehicular emissions, exacerbating environmental issues."
Quoted text: "Although living in cities sometimes is more convenient than living in the suburbs or the countryside, however, I want to live in the countryside to contribute to one’s mite to reduce traffic congestion."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The concluding statement is somewhat contradictory, as it begins by acknowledging the convenience of living in cities but then expresses a preference for the countryside. The rationale behind the choice is not clearly connected to the essay’s central argument. Clarify your stance and ensure consistency in your reasoning.
- Improved example: "While it is acknowledged that city living can be more convenient, my preference for the countryside is driven by a desire to contribute to alleviating traffic congestion. Living in less populated areas not only reduces personal reliance on urban transportation but also contributes to a more sustainable and eco-friendly lifestyle."

Overall, the essay exhibits partial task response with relevant ideas, but there is a need for more clarity, depth, and coherence in presenting and supporting arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion to a moderate extent. The writer organizes ideas coherently with a clear overall progression. The introduction and conclusion provide a general structure to the essay. However, the use of cohesive devices, such as transitions and linking words, is effective but not consistently so. Some sentences lack clear connections, and the progression between ideas can be faulty or mechanical at times. The paragraphing is generally logical, but improvements can be made to enhance the overall flow.

How to improve:

Use more varied cohesive devices: Incorporate a wider range of transitions and linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will create a smoother progression of ideas throughout the essay.
Ensure logical connections: Pay close attention to the logical relationship between ideas within and between sentences. Clarify connections to enhance overall coherence.
Refine paragraphing: While there is evidence of paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and contributes logically to the overall argument. This will strengthen the essay’s organization.

By addressing these areas, the coherence and cohesion of the essay can be improved, leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision. The use of less common lexical items with awareness of style and collocation is evident. There are occasional errors in word choice and spelling, but they do not significantly impede communication. The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear stance with supporting reasons.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource, consider incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and minimizing errors in word choice and spelling. Aim for a greater variety of expressions to convey ideas, ensuring precision and clarity. Additionally, proofreading can help eliminate minor errors that may distract from the overall quality of language use.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. While the author makes some errors in grammar and punctuation, they rarely hinder communication. There is a variety of sentence structures used throughout the essay, contributing to an overall good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are noticeable errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, awkward phrasing, and punctuation errors.

How to improve:

Sentence Structure: Continue to diversify sentence structures. Introduce more complex sentence forms to enhance the essay’s overall sophistication.
Grammar and Punctuation: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and punctuation. There are instances where sentences could be clearer with proper punctuation.
Clarity and Cohesion: Ensure that ideas flow smoothly. Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, impacting the overall coherence of the essay.
Proofreading: Review the essay for minor errors and refine the language for greater precision and clarity.

The essay is generally effective in presenting ideas, but refining grammar and punctuation will elevate it to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, urban planners have grappled with the pressing issue of traffic congestion in major cities. Various policies have been proposed and implemented by governments and local authorities to address this challenge. One prominently observed policy suggests encouraging people to relocate to city centers instead of residing in the suburbs or rural areas. However, it is acknowledged that this policy is impractical due to various reasons, which will be outlined in this essay to substantiate my viewpoint.

The primary reason for the surge in traffic congestion is the rapid increase in the urban population. According to a survey on the VnExpress website, a prominent online news platform in Vietnam, more than half of the respondents express a preference for living in the city center. Policy makers acknowledge that urban residency can lead to certain conveniences, yet it also confronts numerous resultant issues. Consequently, as the urban population significantly increases in the future, it is undeniable that the migration to urban areas will exacerbate various environmental issues, including carbon dioxide emissions, air, and water pollution.

For instance, as the urban population grows, the city council often needs to implement measures such as developing transportation systems and parking facilities to accommodate the increasing number of residents. However, these initiatives impose financial pressure on city residents through increased taxation, thereby widening income inequality. While urban living can be more convenient than residing in suburban or rural areas, it is essential to consider the broader impact on the environment and societal disparities.

In conclusion, the proposal to alleviate traffic congestion by encouraging people to move to cities may seem practical on the surface, but the associated challenges make it an impractical solution. As an alternative perspective, I prefer to reside in the countryside as my contribution to alleviating traffic congestion, recognizing the need for a more comprehensive and sustainable approach to urban planning.