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The best way to solve the traffic and transportation problem is to encourage people to live in cities rather than suburbs or countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The best way to solve the traffic and transportation problem is to encourage people to live in cities rather than suburbs or countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some assert that settling in inner cities rather than in suburbs or rural areas is the primary way to curb traffic and transportation problems. Personally, I am partly in favor of it, while cities may provide contemporary features, namely public transport and safety-relating advantages, other negative effects, such as the inordinate amount of residents, may occur.

On the one hand, from my perspective, the practical solution cities have to afflict previous problems is to provide them with a wide range of sufficient amenities. For example, the volume of public vehicles in those places is far greater and more advanced than in the countryside, which dramatically mitigates commuting issues. Due to the low density of residents, the far-flung areas do not usually comprise adequate public transport causing a massive hindrance from traveling to further sites. As a result, cities with these high-tech amenities are likely to be the most ideal living places. Furthermore, traffic laws and road maintenance in highly developed cities are more likely to maintain driving safety for city dwellers, reducing accident possibilities. Unlike the majority of roads in non-urban sites being degraded and containing numerous potholes, those in urban ones are completely well-constructed and qualified for their citizens’ safety. However, this trend still contains some minor issues.

On the other hand, I firmly believe that moving to urban cities, along with enhancing people’s transportation, will lead to other drawbacks, and the most prominent one is overpopulation. Indeed, the growth of citizens in big cities has always been a controversial issue due to its bad results. Specifically, it has both directly or indirectly worsened several existing issues. Firstly, the most evident consequence is the significant increase in traffic jams during rush hour. Granted, having more citizens but fewer adequate places for commuting is the main factor of it. Secondly, it is, in fact, the profound factor of the out-of-controlled urban sprawl and badly affects the surrounding hinterlands. A reason for this is that people have not carefully considered the numerous downsides of living in a crowded area leading to the massive demand, but lack of space.

To encapsulate, I personally believe to some extent that moving to urban places will solve the traffic and transportation issues by providing public amenities and ensuring safety, as it might worsen another problem: having overpopulated citizens.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Some assert that settling in inner cities rather than in suburbs or rural areas is the primary way to curb traffic and transportation problems. Personally, I am partly in favor of it, while cities may provide contemporary features, namely public transport and safety-relating advantages, other negative effects, such as the inordinate amount of residents, may occur."
    -> "Some argue that residing in urban centers rather than in suburbs or rural areas is the primary approach to alleviate traffic and transportation issues. Personally, I am partially in favor of this notion. While cities may offer modern amenities, including public transportation and safety-related advantages, potential drawbacks, such as an excessive population, should be considered."
    Explanation: The suggested changes involve replacing "inner cities" with "urban centers" for precision and formality. Additionally, the phrase "contemporary features" is replaced with "modern amenities," and "inordinate amount of residents" is revised to "excessive population" for more formal expression.

  2. "On the one hand, from my perspective, the practical solution cities have to afflict previous problems is to provide them with a wide range of sufficient amenities. For example, the volume of public vehicles in those places is far greater and more advanced than in the countryside, which dramatically mitigates commuting issues."
    -> "On one hand, in my view, the effective way cities address these issues is by offering a diverse range of adequate amenities. For instance, the abundance and advanced nature of public transportation in urban areas significantly alleviate commuting challenges, a stark contrast to the less developed options available in rural settings."
    Explanation: The changes involve simplifying the expression of the essay’s viewpoint and replacing "practical solution cities have to afflict previous problems" with "effective way cities address these issues." Additionally, the phrase "volume of public vehicles" is replaced with "abundance and advanced nature of public transportation" for clearer and more formal communication.

  3. "Due to the low density of residents, the far-flung areas do not usually comprise adequate public transport causing a massive hindrance from traveling to further sites."
    -> "Owing to the sparse population in remote areas, they often lack sufficient public transportation, creating a significant obstacle for travel to distant locations."
    Explanation: The suggested changes involve replacing "far-flung areas" with "remote areas" for a more formal term. Additionally, the phrase "do not usually comprise adequate public transport" is replaced with "often lack sufficient public transportation" for clearer and more formal language.

  4. "However, this trend still contains some minor issues."
    -> "Nevertheless, this trend is not without minor challenges."
    Explanation: The change involves refining the expression by replacing "still contains" with "is not without" for a more formal and precise tone.

  5. "I firmly believe that moving to urban cities, along with enhancing people’s transportation, will lead to other drawbacks, and the most prominent one is overpopulation."
    -> "I strongly believe that relocating to urban centers, despite improving transportation, will give rise to additional drawbacks, with overpopulation being the most prominent concern."
    Explanation: The suggested changes involve replacing "urban cities" with "urban centers" for precision and formality. Additionally, the phrase "firmly believe" is replaced with "strongly believe," and "enhancing people’s transportation" is revised to "improving transportation" for a more formal and concise expression.

  6. "Indeed, the growth of citizens in big cities has always been a controversial issue due to its bad results."
    -> "Indeed, the population growth in large cities has consistently been a contentious issue owing to its adverse outcomes."
    Explanation: The changes involve replacing "growth of citizens" with "population growth" for precision. Additionally, the phrase "due to its bad results" is replaced with "owing to its adverse outcomes" for a more formal and nuanced expression.

  7. "Firstly, the most evident consequence is the significant increase in traffic jams during rush hour."
    -> "Firstly, the most apparent consequence is a substantial rise in traffic congestion during rush hours."
    Explanation: The suggested changes involve replacing "evident" with "apparent" for a more formal and precise term. Additionally, the phrase "significant increase in traffic jams" is revised to "substantial rise in traffic congestion" for more formal and detailed language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument. The introduction presents a clear stance, acknowledging both the advantages and drawbacks of living in cities. The body paragraphs further elaborate on the positive aspects of urban living (public amenities, safety) and the potential negative consequences (overpopulation, traffic jams).

    • How to improve: While the essay does touch upon both sides, a more nuanced exploration of the counterargument could enhance the depth of analysis. Consider providing more specific examples or illustrating the potential consequences of overpopulation in greater detail.

  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position throughout. The writer clearly states a partially favorable stance towards living in cities and maintains this perspective in each paragraph.

    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the stance in the conclusion as well. Additionally, reinforcing the central theme in the topic sentences of each body paragraph can enhance coherence.

  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and supports ideas. Specific examples, such as the advanced public transport in cities and the impact of overpopulation on traffic, provide concrete support. However, the analysis of the negative effects of urban living could be more comprehensive.

    • How to improve: Extend the discussion on the negative effects, providing more examples and delving deeper into the consequences of overpopulation. This will add depth to the analysis and make the argument more persuasive.

  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but occasionally diverges. The discussion about road conditions in non-urban areas seems somewhat tangential to the main focus on traffic and transportation problems.

    • How to improve: Focus on directly relevant details and avoid introducing elements that do not contribute significantly to the central theme. Ensure that every point made directly supports the argument regarding the impact of living in cities on traffic and transportation.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt and effectively presents arguments supporting the idea that encouraging people to live in cities can address traffic and transportation issues. To enhance the essay, consider providing a more detailed analysis of the potential drawbacks and ensuring that every point directly aligns with the main theme.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the topic and the writer’s stance. Body paragraphs follow a clear structure, with each paragraph discussing a specific aspect of the argument. Transitions between ideas are generally smooth.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure a more seamless transition between contrasting ideas in the body paragraphs. For instance, in the transition from discussing the benefits of urban living to its drawbacks, consider a smoother connection to maintain coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: Paragraphs are adequately structured, each focusing on a single idea. However, the third paragraph is quite lengthy and covers multiple points. While it maintains coherence, breaking it into smaller, focused paragraphs could enhance readability.
    • How to improve: Consider breaking the third paragraph into smaller sections, each addressing a specific aspect of the drawbacks of urban living. This will make the essay more reader-friendly and allow for better emphasis on individual points.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("On the one hand," "On the other hand," "Furthermore," "However"), effectively guiding the reader through different arguments. Pronouns and repetition are also used for cohesion.
    • How to improve: To further diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a variety of linking words and phrases within and between sentences. This can include synonyms for commonly used transitions, enhancing overall fluency.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a reasonably organized structure, employing cohesive devices to connect ideas. To improve, focus on smoother transitions between contrasting ideas, consider breaking lengthy paragraphs into smaller ones for better readability, and diversify the use of cohesive devices for a more nuanced and polished essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable effort to employ a varied vocabulary, with the use of terms such as "contemporary features," "sufficient amenities," "flung areas," "degraded," and "hinterlands." These contribute to an overall sense of lexical diversity.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the richness of vocabulary, consider incorporating more academic and nuanced terms related to the topic. For instance, when discussing traffic problems, terms like "congestion," "urban sprawl," or "commuting issues" could be utilized for a more precise expression.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, though there are instances where words could be more accurately chosen. For example, the phrase "the practical solution cities have to afflict previous problems" might benefit from a clearer term than "afflict."
    • How to improve: To improve precision, focus on selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. In the mentioned phrase, consider replacing "afflict" with "address" or "tackle" for clearer communication.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling throughout the essay is generally accurate. However, there are some minor issues, such as "flung" (instead of "remote") and "out-of-controlled" (instead of "out-of-control").
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to spelling, particularly for complex or less common words. Utilize tools like spell-check and proofreading to catch and correct these minor errors. Also, consider expanding vocabulary to reduce reliance on certain terms that may be prone to misspelling.

In summary, the essay exhibits a reasonably strong lexical resource, contributing to its overall coherence and clarity. To improve, focus on refining word choices for precision and enhancing vocabulary with more academic expressions. Additionally, meticulous attention to spelling accuracy will further elevate the essay’s language proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at using a variety of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences, contributing to a reasonable range. For instance, complex sentences are present in phrases like "the profound factor of the out-of-controlled urban sprawl and badly affects the surrounding hinterlands." However, there is room for improvement in enhancing the diversity of structures. Some sentence structures are repetitive, and a greater variety could add sophistication to the writing.

    • How to improve: To enrich the essay’s grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures and varying sentence lengths. Introduce elements like dependent clauses, relative clauses, or participial phrases to add depth and complexity. For example, instead of consistently using simple sentences, combine ideas to create compound or complex structures for a more polished and sophisticated writing style.

  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with few notable errors. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement issues arise, such as in "the practical solution cities have to afflict previous problems is to provide them with a wide range of sufficient amenities." The phrase "have to afflict" should be revised for better clarity. Additionally, some awkward phrasing, like "due to its bad results," could be refined for better fluency.

    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure coherence in your sentences. In the mentioned example, consider revising to "the practical solution cities have to address these problems is to provide a wide range of amenities." Furthermore, strive for clarity in expression, avoiding ambiguous or awkward phrasing. Instead of "due to its bad results," use a more precise phrase like "because of its negative consequences" for a clearer and more academic tone. Proofread to catch such instances and ensure the essay maintains a consistently high level of grammatical accuracy.

In summary, while the essay displays a generally strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, refinement in sentence structure variety and careful attention to certain grammatical details can elevate the writing to an even higher level.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some argue that residing in urban centers, rather than in suburbs or rural areas, is the primary approach to alleviate traffic and transportation issues. Personally, I am partially in favor of this notion. While cities may offer modern amenities, including public transportation and safety-related advantages, potential drawbacks, such as an excessive population, should be considered.

On one hand, in my view, the effective way cities address these issues is by offering a diverse range of adequate amenities. For instance, the abundance and advanced nature of public transportation in urban areas significantly alleviate commuting challenges, a stark contrast to the less developed options available in rural settings. Owing to the sparse population in remote areas, they often lack sufficient public transportation, creating a significant obstacle for travel to distant locations. Nevertheless, this trend is not without minor challenges.

I strongly believe that relocating to urban centers, despite improving transportation, will give rise to additional drawbacks, with overpopulation being the most prominent concern. Indeed, the population growth in large cities has consistently been a contentious issue owing to its adverse outcomes. Firstly, the most apparent consequence is a substantial rise in traffic congestion during rush hours.

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