The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

I partly agree that the best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school.
Firstly, children plays team sports at school will teach children have to find a way to win the game. This will make the team work together and very one in the team have to discuss about the strategy. For example, a football match for children will teach them how to do team work, everyone in the team need to have a conversation about the best strategy to win the game. This will make them have teams work skill and to find out they role in very field.
Secondly, children plays team sport at school track them to respect other people and good sport action. For samples after a football match children need to show respect to their opponents by shaking hand or give them a hug, instead of the children lose a game or win. So this will malle them know how to treat other people make a good relationship.
In conclusion, I partly agree that the best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports. Because it will teach them how to work in team, find out their role, and how to treat other prope to make a good relationship.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "I partly agree" -> "I partially agree"
   Explanation: "Partially" is more commonly used in academic writing to express a qualified agreement, aligning better with the formal tone of the essay.

2. "children plays team sports at school will teach children" -> "children participating in team sports at school will teach them"
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the verb tense and subject-verb agreement, improving clarity and grammatical correctness.

3. "have to find a way to win the game" -> "must devise strategies to win the game"
   Explanation: "Must devise strategies" is more precise and formal than "have to find a way," which sounds colloquial and vague.

4. "very one in the team have to discuss about the strategy" -> "each member of the team must discuss the strategy"
   Explanation: "Each member of the team" is more precise and formal than "very one in the team," and "must discuss" corrects the grammatical error in the original.

5. "a football match for children will teach them how to do team work" -> "a children’s football match will teach them teamwork skills"
   Explanation: "Teamwork skills" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "do team work," which is informal and vague.

6. "everyone in the team need to have a conversation about the best strategy" -> "each team member must engage in discussions about the optimal strategy"
   Explanation: "Each team member must engage in discussions" is more formal and precise than "everyone in the team need to have a conversation," and "optimal strategy" is a more academic term than "best strategy."

7. "to find out they role in very field" -> "to determine their roles in various fields"
   Explanation: "Determine their roles in various fields" corrects the grammatical error and uses more precise language, enhancing clarity and formality.

8. "children plays team sport at school track them to respect other people and good sport action" -> "children participating in team sports at school helps them develop respect for others and good sportsmanship"
   Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects these issues and uses more formal vocabulary ("sportsmanship" instead of "good sport action").

9. "For samples" -> "For example"
   Explanation: "For example" is the correct phrase for introducing an illustration or example, whereas "For samples" is incorrect and informal.

10. "instead of the children lose a game or win" -> "regardless of whether they win or lose"
    Explanation: "Regardless of whether they win or lose" is grammatically correct and more formal than the original, which is awkward and unclear.

11. "malle them know how to treat other people make a good relationship" -> "teach them how to interact with others to build strong relationships"
    Explanation: "Teach them how to interact with others to build strong relationships" is grammatically correct and uses more formal language appropriate for academic writing.

12. "other prope" -> "other people"
    Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, replacing "prope" with "people."

13. "to make a good relationship" -> "to foster positive relationships"
    Explanation: "Foster positive relationships" is a more precise and formal expression than "make a good relationship," which is vague and informal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating a partial agreement with the idea that team sports are the best way to teach cooperation. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of the topic. The writer mentions two main points: teamwork and respect for others, but does not sufficiently elaborate on why these aspects are essential or how they compare to other methods of teaching cooperation. The response does not fully engage with the "to what extent" aspect of the question, leaving the reader unclear about the writer’s overall stance.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly outline their position on the extent of their agreement or disagreement. They could include a counterargument discussing other effective methods of teaching cooperation, such as group projects or collaborative learning activities, to provide a more balanced view.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The position of "partly agree" is stated in the introduction and conclusion, but the body paragraphs do not consistently reinforce this stance. The essay tends to focus on the benefits of team sports without adequately addressing the limitations or alternative methods, which could confuse the reader about the writer’s true position.
  • How to improve: The writer should maintain a clear and consistent position by explicitly stating their agreement or disagreement in each paragraph. They could use phrases like "While I agree that team sports are beneficial, I also believe…" to signal their nuanced view and ensure that their position is evident throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat relevant but lack depth and development. The examples provided (football matches and respect for opponents) are basic and do not fully illustrate the points being made. Additionally, there are grammatical issues that hinder clarity, such as "children plays" instead of "children play" and "malay them know" instead of "make them know."
  • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations. They could elaborate on how teamwork in sports translates to real-life situations, such as in future workplaces or community activities. Furthermore, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on team sports as a means of teaching cooperation. However, the lack of depth in addressing the prompt and the somewhat repetitive nature of the arguments indicate a need for more focused development of ideas. The mention of respect and good sportsmanship, while relevant, could be tied back more explicitly to the theme of cooperation.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of teaching cooperation. They could outline their main arguments in the introduction and refer back to them in the conclusion, reinforcing the connection between team sports and cooperation throughout the essay.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should aim for a more comprehensive exploration of the prompt, maintain a clear position, develop ideas with more depth and clarity, and ensure that all points are directly relevant to the topic of cooperation through team sports.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the prompt, indicating partial agreement with the statement. The ideas are organized into two main points, each addressing a different aspect of how team sports can teach cooperation. However, the logical progression between sentences and paragraphs is sometimes hindered by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors, which can confuse the reader. For instance, the transition from discussing teamwork to respect for opponents lacks a clear connective phrase, making the flow less smooth.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the author should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "On the other hand" can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively. Structuring the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion will also improve overall coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a positive aspect. However, the paragraphs themselves are not well-developed. The first paragraph mixes multiple ideas about teamwork and strategy without clearly delineating them, leading to a lack of focus. The second paragraph, while addressing respect, also suffers from unclear phrasing and lacks depth in explanation.
  • How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea and provide supporting details or examples. For instance, the first paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on teamwork and strategy, and another on the importance of respect in sports. This would allow for a more thorough exploration of each point. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear concluding sentence can help reinforce the main idea and improve overall clarity.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices, but their effectiveness is limited due to grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, phrases like "children plays team sports" and "very one in the team" detract from the clarity of the argument. The use of cohesive devices is somewhat repetitive, primarily relying on basic conjunctions without incorporating a wider variety of linking words or phrases.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the author should incorporate a range of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Consequently," and "In contrast." Additionally, ensuring grammatical accuracy will enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Practicing sentence variety and structure can also help in creating more fluid connections between ideas.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary related to the topic of team sports and cooperation. Phrases like "team work," "strategy," and "respect other people" indicate an attempt to engage with the subject matter. However, the vocabulary is often repetitive, particularly with the phrase "team work," which appears multiple times in slightly different forms. Additionally, terms such as "very one" and "malay" reflect limited lexical variety and creativity.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "team work," alternatives like "collaboration," "cooperation," or "joint effort" could be employed. Incorporating a broader array of adjectives and verbs would also enrich the essay. For example, instead of "children plays team sports," a more varied expression could be "children participate in team sports."

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage in the essay. For example, "children plays team sports at school will teach children have to find a way to win the game" is both grammatically incorrect and unclear. The phrase "very one in the team" is also vague and should be "everyone in the team." Additionally, "malay" appears to be a typographical error for "make," which further detracts from clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on constructing clearer sentences and ensuring that each word accurately conveys the intended meaning. For example, instead of saying "children plays team sports at school will teach children have to find a way to win the game," a more precise formulation could be "participating in team sports at school teaches children how to work together towards a common goal." Regular practice with sentence structure and word choice can help enhance precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that impact readability and professionalism. Words like "plays" (should be "play"), "very one" (should be "everyone"), "malay" (should be "make"), and "prope" (should be "people") are examples of spelling mistakes that hinder comprehension.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Reading more extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to proper word forms in context.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some understanding of the topic and attempts to engage with relevant vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in terms of lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of simple sentences is predominant, such as "This will make the team work together" and "In conclusion, I partly agree that the best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports." While these sentences convey basic ideas, they lack complexity and variety. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "very one in the team have to discuss about the strategy," which detracts from the overall fluency of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as using subordinate clauses or varying sentence openings. For example, instead of saying "children plays team sports at school will teach children," a more complex structure could be, "By participating in team sports at school, children learn to cooperate effectively." Additionally, using a mix of declarative, interrogative, and conditional sentences would add variety and interest to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that hinder clarity and coherence. For example, "children plays" should be "children play," as the subject-verb agreement is incorrect. There are also issues with article usage and pluralization, such as "very one in the team" instead of "everyone in the team," and "malay them know" instead of "make them know." Punctuation errors are present as well, particularly with run-on sentences and missing commas, which affect the readability of the text.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, would be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and sentence structure before submission can help catch mistakes. For instance, breaking up long sentences into shorter, clearer ones can enhance readability. A revised sentence could be, "After a football match, children need to show respect to their opponents by shaking hands or giving them a hug, regardless of whether they win or lose."

By addressing these areas of improvement, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their essay, leading to a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

I partially agree that the best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school.

Firstly, children participating in team sports at school will teach them how to devise strategies to win the game. This requires the team to work together, and each member must engage in discussions about the optimal strategy. For example, a children’s football match will teach them teamwork skills, as everyone in the team needs to communicate about the best approach to achieve victory. This experience helps them develop teamwork skills and understand their role in various situations.

Secondly, children participating in team sports at school helps them develop respect for others and good sportsmanship. For instance, after a football match, children need to show respect to their opponents by shaking hands or giving them a hug, regardless of whether they win or lose. This teaches them how to interact with others and fosters positive relationships.

In conclusion, I partially agree that the best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports. This approach teaches them how to work in a team, discover their roles, and treat other people well to build strong relationships.