The chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart gives information about the figure for the number male and female athletes taking part in at the Olympics from 1924 to 2012 and the line graph demonstrates the figure for athletes who joined in the Olympics starting in 1924.

As can be seen from the bar chart, the number of female athletes participants in the Olympics lowest at the beginning of the period, while the line graph shows people participants this Olympics increased in eight decades.

According to the bar chart, the number of male athletes taking part in with 3000 higher than female athletes at the beginning of the period ( below 1000). The figure for male athletes in 1952 with 4000, 3000 higher than that of female athletes. In 1984, the number of male and female athletes participants in the Olympics with 5000 and 1500 respectively.The number of male athletes participants at the Olympic highest at the end of the period with 6000, 1000 higher than that of female athletes.

Looking at the line graph more closely, the number of people participants in the Olympics with below 4000 lowest at the beginning of the period. However, after two decades this number increased insignificantly with below 6000. The figure for the number of people taking part in the Olympics in 1984 raised to 8000. Meanwhile, the figure for athletes who joined in the Olympics highest with 10000 at the ending of the period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"number male and female athletes" -> "number of male and female athletes"
Explanation: The phrase "number male and female athletes" is grammatically incorrect. By removing the unnecessary extra characters and correcting it to "number of male and female athletes," the sentence becomes clearer and more precise.
"participants in the Olympics lowest" -> "participants in the Olympics was lowest"
Explanation: Adding the verb "was" after "Olympics" makes the sentence grammatically correct. It helps to maintain the proper structure of the sentence.
"people participants this Olympics" -> "individuals participating in these Olympics"
Explanation: "People participants this Olympics" is awkward phrasing. By changing it to "individuals participating in these Olympics," the sentence becomes more formal and academically appropriate.
"taking part in with 3000 higher" -> "participating with a higher number of 3000"
Explanation: The phrase "taking part in with 3000 higher" is not grammatically correct. By changing it to "participating with a higher number of 3000," the sentence becomes more precise and clearer in conveying the information.
"the number of male athletes taking part in with 3000 higher than female athletes" -> "the number of male athletes participating was 3000 higher than that of female athletes"
Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and unclear. By rephrasing it to "the number of male athletes participating was 3000 higher than that of female athletes," the comparison becomes more straightforward and easier to understand.
"male and female athletes participants" -> "male and female athlete participants"
Explanation: The term "male and female athletes participants" is redundant. By changing it to "male and female athlete participants," the sentence becomes more concise and grammatically correct.
"highest at the end of the period with 6000" -> "peaked at the end of the period at 6000"
Explanation: Using "highest" in this context is less precise. By replacing it with "peaked at the end of the period at 6000," the sentence conveys the information more accurately.
"people participants in the Olympics" -> "individuals participating in the Olympics"
Explanation: The phrase "people participants in the Olympics" is awkward and unclear. By changing it to "individuals participating in the Olympics," the sentence becomes more formal and appropriate for an academic context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay addresses the requirements of the task by summarizing the information presented in the chart and graph. It provides an overview of the main trends in the number of male and female athletes participating in the Olympics from 1924 to 2012. The key features, such as the comparison between male and female athletes and the overall increase in participants over the years, are highlighted. However, there are some inaccuracies in the details provided, such as the specific numbers mentioned for male and female athletes in certain years.

How to improve:
To improve the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score, ensure that the details provided are accurate and relevant. Focus on presenting a more detailed and fully developed response that includes specific data points from the chart and graph. Additionally, consider expanding on the comparisons made between male and female athletes to provide a more comprehensive analysis of the information presented.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay presents information about the number of male and female athletes participating in the Olympics from 1924 to 2012. However, the essay lacks coherence and cohesion as the information is not arranged coherently, and there is no clear progression in the response. The use of cohesive devices is basic and inaccurate, leading to repetitive and confusing sentences. The essay fails to use paragraphing effectively, making it difficult for the reader to follow the information presented.

How to improve: To improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay, focus on organizing the information logically with a clear progression throughout the response. Use a variety of cohesive devices accurately to connect ideas and create a smoother flow of information. Ensure that referencing and substitution are used appropriately to avoid repetition. Additionally, use paragraphing effectively to separate different ideas and topics, making the essay easier to read and understand.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and lacks sophistication in lexical features. The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with errors in word choice and word formation. There is a lack of precision and flexibility in conveying meanings, and the essay does not use uncommon lexical items. The errors in spelling and word formation may cause strain for the reader, and the overall lexical resource is inadequate for a higher band score.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource and aim for a higher band score, the essay should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with more precision and flexibility. Incorporating more sophisticated and uncommon lexical items, as well as paying attention to word choice and collocation, can enhance the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors is essential to ensure clarity and coherence in the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures with frequent grammatical errors and faulty punctuation. The essay lacks complex sentence forms and predominantly uses simple sentences. There are numerous errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, which can cause difficulty for the reader in understanding the content.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences. They should pay attention to grammar rules and punctuation to reduce errors that hinder communication. Additionally, proofreading the essay for mistakes before submission is crucial to enhance the overall clarity and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart illustrates the participation of male and female athletes in the Olympics from 1924 to 2012, while the line graph depicts the overall number of athletes joining the Olympics during the same period.

Initially, the number of female athletes participating in the Olympics was at its lowest point with less than 1000 athletes in 4. In contrast, the number of male was significantly higher, exceeding 3000 participants. By 1952, the number of male athletes increased to 4000, remaining consistently higher than that of female athletes. In 1984, there were 5000 male athletes compared to 1500 female athletes. The trend continued, with the number of male athletes peaking at 6000 by the end of the period, surpassing female athletes by 1000 participants.

Turning to the line graph, the total number of athletes participating in the Olympics was below 4000 at the beginning of the period. However, this number gradually increased, reaching below 6000 after two decades. In 1984, the number of athletes rose to 8000, with a peak of 10000 athletes by the end of the period.

Overall, the data from both the bar chart and line graph indicate a significant increase in the participation of athletes in the Olympics over the years, with male athletes consistently outnumbering female athletes throughout the period.