The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main feature, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main feature, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given bar chart illustrates the families weekly financial allocated on necessary things in 1968 and in 2018.
Overall, it is obvious that food was the highest figure in 1968 and leisure ranked the first in 2018. Additionally, the money spent of food dropped the most in 2018.
Looking at the chart for more details, the amount of budget spend on food in 1968 was 35% then it witnessed a dramatical downward trend of nearly 20% in 2018 while the figure for housing doubled from exact 10% to roughly 19% in 2018. Moreover, the figure for transport and leisure had shared the same significant upward trend by the end of the year 2018.
Regarding the remainders, the amount of finance allocated on fuel and power slightly dropped of approximately 3% while the figure for household goods in 1968 and in 2018 was equivalent to each other. Finally, the remaining figures experienced a drop by half in 2018.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "families weekly financial allocated" -> "families’ weekly financial allocations"
   Explanation: Adding an apostrophe after "families" corrects the possessive form, and changing "allocated" to "allocations" pluralizes the noun to match the plural context, enhancing grammatical accuracy and clarity.

2. "necessary things" -> "essential items"
   Explanation: Replacing "necessary things" with "essential items" provides a more precise and formal term that is commonly used in academic writing to describe the fundamental or required elements.

3. "it is obvious that" -> "it is evident that"
   Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal alternative to "it is obvious that," which is slightly more colloquial and less precise in an academic context.

4. "money spent of food" -> "expenditure on food"
   Explanation: "Expenditure on food" is a more formal and precise term than "money spent of food," which is grammatically incorrect and awkward.

5. "dramatical downward trend" -> "significant downward trend"
   Explanation: "Dramatical" is not a word; "significant" is the correct term to describe a notable change in data.

6. "the figure for housing doubled from exact 10% to roughly 19%" -> "the proportion allocated to housing increased from approximately 10% to roughly 19%"
   Explanation: "Proportion allocated" is more precise than "figure," and "increased from approximately" is more accurate and formal than "doubled from exact."

7. "the figure for transport and leisure had shared the same significant upward trend" -> "the proportions allocated to transport and leisure exhibited a similar significant upward trend"
   Explanation: "Exhibited a similar significant upward trend" is more precise and academically appropriate than "had shared the same significant upward trend," which is awkward and unclear.

8. "the remainders" -> "the remaining categories"
   Explanation: "Remaining categories" is more specific and formal than "the remainders," which is vague and informal.

9. "the amount of finance allocated on fuel and power slightly dropped of approximately 3%" -> "the allocation of funds for fuel and power decreased by approximately 3%"
   Explanation: "Allocation of funds" is more precise and formal than "amount of finance allocated," and "decreased by" is clearer than "slightly dropped of."

10. "the figure for household goods in 1968 and in 2018 was equivalent to each other" -> "the allocation for household goods in 1968 and 2018 was identical"
    Explanation: "Allocation for household goods" is more specific and formal, and "identical" is a more precise term than "equivalent."

11. "the remaining figures experienced a drop by half in 2018" -> "the remaining categories experienced a reduction of 50% in 2018"
    Explanation: "Reduction of 50%" is more specific and formal than "drop by half," which is somewhat informal and imprecise.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in the data. It also presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, such as the significant decrease in spending on food and the increase in spending on housing and leisure. However, some details are irrelevant or inaccurate, such as the statement that the figure for housing doubled from 10% to 19% in 2018.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate and relevant details. For example, instead of saying that the figure for housing doubled, the writer could say that it increased by 9%. The writer could also provide more specific information about the changes in spending on other categories, such as fuel and power.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the data from 1968 and 2018, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to a somewhat disjointed flow. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, such as "the money spent of food" which should be "the money spent on food." Additionally, the paragraphing is present but not effectively utilized, as the ideas could be better grouped and structured to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. More effective use of cohesive devices is necessary to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, refining the language for accuracy and clarity, particularly in the use of prepositions and phrasing, would enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the chart, the vocabulary used is often basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "financial allocated" instead of "financial allocation" and "the highest figure" which lacks clarity. Additionally, phrases like "the money spent of food" contain grammatical inaccuracies. Errors in spelling and word formation, such as "dramatical" instead of "dramatic" and "the remainders" instead of "the remaining categories," may cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, and ensure that word choices are precise and appropriate for the context. Additionally, focusing on grammatical accuracy and avoiding repetitive phrases will improve clarity. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more sophisticated use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms with some attempts at complex sentences. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors, such as "the families weekly financial allocated" and "the money spent of food," detract from clarity and coherence. Punctuation issues, such as missing commas and incorrect prepositions, further complicate the reader’s understanding. Overall, while the essay communicates the main ideas, the grammatical inaccuracies and limited variety in structure hinder effective communication.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of sentence structures, incorporating more complex sentences while ensuring accuracy. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes would enhance clarity. Practicing the use of varied vocabulary and ensuring appropriate prepositions and articles are used correctly can also contribute to a more polished and effective essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given bar chart illustrates how families allocated their weekly finances on essential items in 1968 and 2018. Overall, it is evident that food accounted for the highest expenditure in 1968, while leisure took the top spot in 2018. Additionally, spending on food saw the most significant decline in 2018.

Looking at the chart for more details, the budget allocated to food in 1968 was 35%, which experienced a dramatic downward trend of nearly 20% by 2018. In contrast, the expenditure on housing doubled from exactly 10% to approximately 19% in 2018. Moreover, both transport and leisure exhibited a notable upward trend by the end of 2018.

Regarding the remaining categories, the amount of finance allocated to fuel and power slightly decreased by approximately 3%, while the expenditure on household goods remained equivalent in both 1968 and 2018. Finally, the remaining figures experienced a reduction of about half in 2018.