The chart below gives information about how people aged 25 - 34 are housed in the UK

The chart below gives information about how people aged 25 – 34 are housed in the UK

The bar chart indicates the percentage of homeowners among the age of 25 to 34 in the United States over the 10-year interval starting in 2004.

Significantly, house owning rate reached the highest point in 2004 while the quantity of residents who rented hit the low of 20 percent. On the other hand, at the end of the period the ratio of those having homes plummeted remarkably to 37 percent, which is lower than the share of tenants of 47 percent in 2014.

Approximately 60 percent of individuals possessing their own house in 2004, with a slight decrease in two years later, this figure went up to 55 percent after hitting a trough in the last of the period.

While the proportion of people chartering home illustrates a stable increase during the period in the range from 20 percent in 2014 to 47 percent in 2014.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar chart indicates" -> "The bar chart depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal term than "indicates" in the context of presenting data visually, aligning better with academic style.
"among the age of 25 to 34" -> "among individuals aged 25 to 34"
Explanation: "Among individuals aged 25 to 34" is more grammatically correct and formal, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "among the age of."
"house owning rate" -> "homeownership rate"
Explanation: "Homeownership rate" is a more specific and commonly used term in academic and statistical contexts, enhancing clarity and formality.
"house owning rate reached the highest point" -> "the homeownership rate peaked"
Explanation: "Peaked" is a more precise and formal term than "reached the highest point," which is somewhat colloquial.
"the quantity of residents who rented hit the low of 20 percent" -> "the proportion of renters was at its lowest point, 20 percent"
Explanation: "Was at its lowest point" is a more formal and accurate way to describe the minimum value, avoiding the colloquial "hit the low."
"the ratio of those having homes plummeted remarkably" -> "the proportion of homeowners plummeted significantly"
Explanation: "Proportion" is more specific and academically appropriate than "ratio," and "significantly" is a more formal synonym for "remarkably."
"the share of tenants of 47 percent" -> "the proportion of renters, 47 percent"
Explanation: "Proportion of renters" is more precise and formal than "share of tenants," and removing the unnecessary preposition "of" improves grammatical accuracy.
"Approximately 60 percent of individuals possessing their own house" -> "Approximately 60 percent of homeowners"
Explanation: "Homeowners" is a more concise and formal term than "individuals possessing their own house," which is verbose and informal.
"this figure went up to 55 percent" -> "this figure increased to 55 percent"
Explanation: "Increased" is a more formal term than "went up," which is somewhat colloquial.
"the proportion of people chartering home" -> "the proportion of people renting homes"
Explanation: "Renting homes" is the correct term, replacing the incorrect and awkward "chartering home."
"illustrates a stable increase" -> "exhibits a steady increase"
Explanation: "Exhibits" is more formal than "illustrates," and "steady" is preferred over "stable" in this context to describe a consistent trend.
"in the range from 20 percent in 2014 to 47 percent in 2014" -> "from 20 percent in 2014 to 47 percent"
Explanation: Removing "in the range" simplifies and clarifies the statement, making it more direct and formal.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay also confuses key features/bullet points with detail. For example, the essay states that "the quantity of residents who rented hit the low of 20 percent" but does not provide any further information about this trend. The essay also states that "the proportion of people chartering home illustrates a stable increase during the period in the range from 20 percent in 2014 to 47 percent in 2014" but this statement is inaccurate. The proportion of people renting homes increased from 20% in 2004 to 47% in 2014.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also focus on presenting the key features/bullet points of the data, rather than providing irrelevant or inaccurate details. The essay should also be more accurate in its presentation of the data. For example, the essay should not state that "the quantity of residents who rented hit the low of 20 percent" without providing any further information about this trend. The essay should also not state that "the proportion of people chartering home illustrates a stable increase during the period in the range from 20 percent in 2014 to 47 percent in 2014" without providing any further information about this trend.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some organization in presenting information, with a basic attempt at paragraphing. There is an attempt to present a clear central topic within each paragraph, but the overall progression of ideas lacks coherence. Cohesion is inadequate as there are issues with referencing and substitution, leading to some repetitive expressions. Paragraphing is attempted but not consistently logical.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion towards a higher band score:

Organizational Structure: Ensure a clear introduction that previews the information presented in the chart. Follow this with body paragraphs that logically sequence information, possibly by grouping data points chronologically or by category.
Cohesive Devices: Use a wider variety of cohesive devices (such as pronouns, linking words, and synonyms) to connect sentences and ideas more effectively. Avoid overusing repetitive phrases and improve referencing to ensure clarity and flow.
Paragraphing: Focus on organizing paragraphs logically. Each paragraph should introduce and develop a single main idea or data point related to the housing trends, ensuring a smooth transition between paragraphs.

By addressing these points, the essay can achieve a higher coherence and cohesion score, improving overall clarity and readability.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. There are attempts to vary vocabulary, but some repetition and inaccuracies hinder clarity and precision. For example, there are errors such as "house owning rate" instead of "homeownership rate," "residents who rented" instead of "renters," and "those having homes" instead of "homeowners." These inaccuracies slightly affect the clarity and appropriacy of the vocabulary used.

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score:

Expand the range of vocabulary used, aiming for more precise and varied expressions related to housing and demographics.
Use appropriate terminology such as "homeownership rate," "renters," and "homeowners" consistently and correctly throughout the essay.
Avoid repetitive use of phrases and seek greater variety in lexical choices to enhance clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures and exhibits numerous grammatical errors and inaccuracies throughout. There is an attempt at some complex sentence forms, but these are often inaccurate and hinder clarity. Punctuation is inconsistent and frequently faulty, which affects the readability and coherence of the text. Errors predominate, and the essay lacks the grammatical accuracy expected for higher bands.

How to improve:

Sentence Structure: Increase the variety of sentence structures used. Include more complex sentence forms to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
Grammar and Accuracy: Focus on improving grammatical accuracy. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and the correct use of articles and prepositions.
Punctuation: Work on using punctuation correctly and consistently. This includes commas, periods, and apostrophes to enhance clarity and readability.

By addressing these areas, you can improve the grammatical range and accuracy of your writing, aiming for a higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here is the improved version of the IELTS Task 1 report:

The bar chart illustrates changes in housing arrangements among individuals aged 25 to 34 in the United Kingdom over a decade starting from 2004.

In 2004, the percentage of homeowners peaked at approximately 60%, marking the highest point during the period. Conversely, the proportion of renters hit a low of 20% in the same year. By 2014, the percentage of homeowners had sharply declined to 37%, whereas renters constituted 47% of the population, surpassing homeowners.

Homeownership saw fluctuations over the period, starting at around 60% in 2004, dropping slightly two years later, and then recovering to 55% towards the end of the decade.

Meanwhile, the proportion of renters showed a consistent increase throughout the period, rising from 20% in 2004 to 47% by 2014.

This version maintains the original data and structure while improving clarity, coherence, and grammatical accuracy.