The chart below gives information about how people aged 25-34 are housed in the UK. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart gives information about the figure for the percentages of people were home owners and renters aged from 25 to 34 are housed at the UK starting in 2004.

Overall, the percentages of people who was home owners had a fluctuation with a downward trend in one decade starting in 2004. In contrast, renters had the percentages increased and highest at the end of the period.

According to the bar chart shows, the percentages of people was home owners in the UK with 60% highest at the begin of the period. However, from 2004 to 2006 experienced a decrease slightly. In 2007, this percentages there was a slight increase. In the period from 2007 to 2013 the percentages of people was home owners in the UK witnessed a gradual reduction to just exact with 40%. Meanwhile, home owners in the UK had the percentages was significantly lower at about 36% at the end of the period.

In contrast, the percentages of people was renters in the UK possessed the lowest statistics with 20% at the begin of the period. However, from 2005 to 2006, this percentages increased at a stable with 22%. Besides, in the period from 2007 to 2013, the percentages of people renters in the UK increased insignificant with 42% at the end of the period. Meanwhile, renters in the UK had the percentages was significant higher at about nearly 50% at the period.

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Errors and Improvements:

"figure for the percentages of people were home owners" -> "data on the homeownership rates"
Explanation: "Figure for the percentages of people were home owners" is awkward and lacks precision. "Data on the homeownership rates" is a more concise and accurate alternative.
"aged from 25 to 34 are housed at the UK" -> "aged 25 to 34 residing in the UK"
Explanation: "Are housed at the UK" is grammatically incorrect and sounds unnatural. "Residing in the UK" is a clearer and more appropriate phrase to describe the age group’s location.
"percentages of people who was home owners" -> "percentage of homeowners"
Explanation: "People who was home owners" is grammatically incorrect. "Percentage of homeowners" is a simpler and more accurate term to describe the data.
"had a fluctuation with a downward trend" -> "experienced fluctuations with a downward trajectory"
Explanation: "Fluctuation with a downward trend" is redundant. "Experienced fluctuations with a downward trajectory" conveys the same meaning more concisely.
"the percentages of people was home owners" -> "the percentage of homeowners"
Explanation: "Percentages of people was home owners" is grammatically incorrect. "The percentage of homeowners" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"at the begin of the period" -> "at the beginning of the period"
Explanation: "Begin" should be "beginning" to correctly indicate the start of the period.
"However, from 2004 to 2006 experienced a decrease slightly" -> "However, there was a slight decrease from 2004 to 2006"
Explanation: The original phrasing is awkward and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative provides a clearer and more concise description of the trend.
"this percentages there was a slight increase" -> "these percentages experienced a slight increase"
Explanation: "This percentages" is grammatically incorrect. "These percentages experienced a slight increase" is clearer and more grammatically accurate.
"witnessed a gradual reduction to just exact with 40%" -> "experienced a gradual reduction to precisely 40%"
Explanation: "To just exact with 40%" is awkward and unclear. "Experienced a gradual reduction to precisely 40%" is more precise and clear.
"percentages was significantly lower" -> "percentage was significantly lower"
Explanation: "Percentages was" is grammatically incorrect. "Percentage was" is grammatically accurate and clearer.
"the percentages of people was renters" -> "the percentage of renters"
Explanation: "Percentages of people was renters" is grammatically incorrect. "The percentage of renters" is grammatically accurate and clearer.
"possessed the lowest statistics" -> "had the lowest figures"
Explanation: "Possessed the lowest statistics" is awkward. "Had the lowest figures" is clearer and more concise.
"at the begin of the period" -> "at the beginning of the period"
Explanation: "Begin" should be "beginning" to correctly indicate the start of the period.
"this percentages increased at a stable with 22%" -> "these percentages increased steadily to 22%"
Explanation: "This percentages increased at a stable with 22%" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "These percentages increased steadily to 22%" is clearer and more grammatically accurate.
"the percentages of people renters" -> "the percentage of renters"
Explanation: "Percentages of people renters" is grammatically incorrect. "The percentage of renters" is grammatically accurate and clearer.
"renters in the UK had the percentages was significant higher" -> "renters in the UK had significantly higher percentages"
Explanation: "Had the percentages was significant higher" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Had significantly higher percentages" is clearer and more grammatically accurate.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay addresses the task by summarizing the main features presented in the chart. It provides an overview of the trends in homeownership and renting among people aged 25-34 in the UK from 2004 to the end of the period. The essay adequately highlights key features such as fluctuations in homeownership percentages and the increasing trend in renting percentages over the specified timeframe.

How to improve:
To improve, ensure a clearer presentation of the data. The essay contains some inaccuracies and inconsistencies in language usage, which can be confusing. Additionally, focus on providing more precise and relevant details without veering into irrelevant information. Work on refining sentence structures and grammar for better clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information about housing trends for people aged 25-34 in the UK, covering both homeownership and renting. However, there are several coherence and cohesion issues present. While the main features are identified, the progression of ideas is somewhat lacking, and the essay tends to be repetitive. Cohesive devices are used inadequately, leading to some confusion in understanding the relationships between ideas. Additionally, there are issues with paragraphing, as the essay lacks clear division into logical paragraphs.

How to improve:

Improve coherence by ensuring a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay. Avoid repetition of information and ensure each paragraph contributes to the overall flow of the essay.
Use cohesive devices more effectively to establish clearer relationships between ideas. This could involve using a variety of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs logically.
Work on paragraphing by structuring the essay into logical paragraphs, each focusing on a distinct aspect of the data presented. This will enhance readability and organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary, but it is limited and sometimes repetitive. The essay manages to convey the main features of the chart, discussing percentages of home owners and renters aged 25-34 in the UK over time. However, the vocabulary lacks sophistication, and there are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the essay, which can cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve:

Enhance vocabulary: Expand your range of vocabulary to include more varied and precise terms. Utilize synonyms and idiomatic expressions where appropriate.
Improve accuracy: Pay close attention to word choice, spelling, and word formation to minimize errors. Proofread your essay carefully to catch and correct mistakes.
Practice sentence structure: Work on constructing more complex and grammatically accurate sentences to improve overall coherence and fluency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, including simple and complex forms. However, there are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as incorrect subject-verb agreement ("people who was home owners," "the percentages of people was home owners," "the percentages of people was renters"), awkward phrasing ("the figure for the percentages of people were home owners and renters"), and inconsistent verb tense usage ("renters had the percentages increased," "renters in the UK possessed the lowest statistics"). Additionally, punctuation errors are present, affecting readability and clarity.

How to improve: Focus on improving grammatical accuracy by ensuring subject-verb agreement, using appropriate verb tenses consistently, and structuring sentences more clearly. Pay close attention to punctuation to enhance readability and coherence. Expanding vocabulary and sentence variety can also contribute to a more sophisticated expression of ideas. Practice proofreading and revising to eliminate errors and enhance overall clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar chart illustrates the housing situation of individuals aged 25 to 34 in the UK, commencing from 2004.

Overall, there was a fluctuating trend in homeownership percentages over the decade, whereas the proportion of renters experienced a consistent increase, reaching its peak towards the end of the period.

At the onset, the homeownership rate stood at 60%, gradually declining until 2013, where it stabilized at 40%. Conversely, the rental occupancy rate began at 20%, rising steadily to 22% by 2006 and reaching approximately 42% by 2013. By the conclusion of the period, renters surpassed homeowners, with a proportion nearing 50%.