The chart below gives information about the journey to school by children aged 11 to 16 in the UK in a year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

The chart below gives information about the journey to school by children aged 11 to 16 in the UK in a year.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

The given chart shows how UK children from 11 to 16 years old travel to school by different means of transportation.

Overall, it can be seen that different means of transportation are preferred depending on how far the children need to go to school. In addition, cars and buses are chosen to travel over 5 miles rather than walking and bicycles.

At first glance, 90% of children choose to walk if the journey is from 0 to 1 mile, followed by bicycle at 50% of UK students. Buses are not preferred to travel to school at this distance, with only approximately 3% of children choosing this vehicle. Secondly, bicycles are the most chosen means of transportation for 1 to 2 miles journey by nearly 80% of youngsters, which is nearly 4 times more than cars at 20%.

However, for longer distances, cars and buses are more preferred than the remaining counterparts. In 2 to 5 miles journey, more than 30% of UK children travel to school by car, which is less than about 20% compared to bus. The most-chosen vehicle for over 5 mile distance is bus with nearly 70% of children's votes.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "different means of transportation" -> "various modes of transportation"
   Explanation: Replacing "different means of transportation" with "various modes of transportation" introduces a more precise and technical term that is commonly used in transportation studies.

2. "can be seen that" -> "is apparent that"
   Explanation: "Is apparent that" is a more formal expression compared to "can be seen that", enhancing the academic tone of the analysis.

3. "chosen to travel over 5 miles" -> "selected for journeys exceeding 5 miles"
   Explanation: "Selected for journeys exceeding 5 miles" offers a clearer and more precise description of the scenario, focusing on the length of the journey rather than the act of traveling.

4. "at first glance" -> "initially"
   Explanation: "Initially" is a more concise and formal synonym for "at first glance," thus contributing to a more scholarly presentation of data.

5. "choose to walk" -> "opt to walk"
   Explanation: "Opt to walk" provides a more precise verb choice that highlights the decision-making process in transportation selection.

6. "followed by bicycle at 50% of UK students" -> "with bicycling being the choice for 50% of UK students"
   Explanation: The phrase "with bicycling being the choice for 50% of UK students" is clearer and avoids the awkward construction of the original phrase. It accurately indicates the proportion of students choosing this mode of transportation.

7. "nearly 4 times more than" -> "almost quadruple the number of"
   Explanation: "Almost quadruple the number of" is a more exact and formal way to describe the ratio comparison, enhancing both the precision and the formal tone of the essay.

8. "more than 30% of UK children travel to school by car" -> "over 30% of UK children commute to school by car"
   Explanation: "Commute" is a more specific verb choice for regular travel between home and school, enhancing the descriptiveness and formality of the sentence.

9. "less than about 20%" -> "nearly 20% fewer"
   Explanation: "Nearly 20% fewer" offers a more concise and accurate description, improving the clarity and precision in statistical comparison.

10. "most-chosen vehicle" -> "preferred vehicle"
    Explanation: "Preferred vehicle" is a more formal and succinct term, improving the tone and reducing redundancy in the phrase "most-chosen."

By implementing these vocabulary changes, the essay would reflect a more formal, precise, and academically appropriate style, suitable for analytical writing about data.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features of the chart. It presents a clear overview of the main trends in how children aged 11 to 16 in the UK travel to school based on distance. Key features are highlighted and illustrated, such as the preference for walking and cycling for shorter distances and the increased use of cars and buses for longer distances.
How to improve: To improve, consider extending the analysis by providing more specific data points from the chart to support the summary. Additionally, ensure that the language used is precise and concise, avoiding repetition and unnecessary elaboration.]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a coherent manner with an overall progression. It effectively uses cohesive devices, although there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion within and/or between sentences. The central topic is clear within each paragraph. However, the essay’s paragraphing is not always logical.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, work on ensuring that all sentences within paragraphs contribute to the central topic and that there is a clear, logical progression of ideas between paragraphs. Pay attention to using cohesive devices more effectively and ensuring that paragraphing is logical and well-structured throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in conveying ideas related to the transportation habits of UK children aged 11 to 16. The writer employs various lexical items to describe the modes of transportation and distances involved in the journey to school. Phrases like "means of transportation," "preferred depending on," and "most chosen" indicate a reasonable command of vocabulary. Additionally, the writer utilizes less common lexical items such as "counterparts" and "vehicle" appropriately, showing awareness of style and collocation. Although there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "children’s votes" instead of "preferences" or "choices," they do not significantly hinder comprehension.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource further, the writer can incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely. Additionally, paying closer attention to word choice and collocation can help minimize occasional inaccuracies. For instance, replacing "votes" with "preferences" or "choices" would improve the accuracy and clarity of the expression. Furthermore, using transitional phrases or connectors to link ideas more smoothly would contribute to a more cohesive and coherent essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation throughout, with complex structures used effectively to convey information. The writer exhibits control over a variety of sentence structures, such as compound and complex sentences, contributing to the coherence and clarity of the essay. Minor errors are present but do not significantly impede communication; they are more likely to be ‘slips’ rather than systematic errors.

How to improve:
To further enhance grammatical range and accuracy, the writer could focus on refining sentence structures to include more complex forms consistently. Additionally, paying closer attention to punctuation, particularly in complex sentences, can help to eliminate any occasional errors and enhance overall clarity. Regular proofreading for minor slips will also contribute to achieving a more polished and error-free piece.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided chart illustrates the modes of transportation utilized by children aged 11 to 16 in the UK for their journey to school.

In general, the choice of transportation varies depending on the distance to school. Notably, cars and buses are preferred for distances exceeding 5 miles, whereas walking and cycling are favored for shorter distances.

Initially, it is apparent that walking is the predominant mode of travel for journeys spanning from 0 to 1 mile, accounting for 90% of children, followed by cycling, which is chosen by approximately 50% of UK students. Conversely, buses are less popular for these short-distance trips, being selected by only about 3% of children.

Moving on, bicycles emerge as the preferred mode of transportation for journeys ranging from 1 to 2 miles, with nearly 80% of youngsters opting for this mode, surpassing cars, which are chosen by only 20% of students.

However, for longer distances, cars and buses become the favored choices. For journeys spanning 2 to 5 miles, over 30% of UK children opt for cars, while buses are chosen by roughly 20% of students. The trend continues for distances exceeding 5 miles, with buses being the preferred mode of transportation, garnering nearly 70% of children’s preferences.