The chart below gives information about the journey to school by children aged 11 to 16 in the UK in a year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information about the journey to school by children aged 11 to 16 in the
UK in a year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make
comparisons where relevant.

The bar graph shows how UK children aged 11 to 16 fared in school in a particular year.
Overall, most 11 to 16 year olds in England choose to walk or cycle distances of less than 2 miles to school, while buses are the main choice for longer distances.
For journeys under 1 mile, walking is widely used, as 90% of children aged 11 to 16 choose to walk, 40% more than cycling. Cars and buses are less popular, with less than 10% of children using them. Meanwhile, the majority of students traveling 1 to 2 miles to school choose to bike at 75% and walk at 60%, while the numbers for cars and buses are significantly lower. , at 20% and 10% respectively. .
In the 2 to 5 mile category, buses top the list with 50%, followed by bicycles with 47%. Cars and walking are less popular, accounting for about 31% and 25% in that order. For distances over five miles, buses remain the top choice, at 70%, compared with 21% for cars, while no data is recorded for walking and cycling.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "fared" -> "performed"
   Explanation: "Fared" is less commonly used in this context and sounds somewhat informal. "Performed" is a more formal and appropriate term when discussing academic performance.

2. "choose" -> "opt"
   Explanation: "Opt" is a more sophisticated synonym for "choose" and adds variety to the vocabulary. It also fits well with the formal tone of the essay.

3. "widely used" -> "prevalent"
   Explanation: "Prevalent" is a more precise and formal term compared to "widely used." It conveys the idea that walking is commonly chosen for short distances.

4. "significantly lower" -> "considerably fewer"
   Explanation: "Considerably fewer" adds a higher degree of specificity compared to "significantly lower" and maintains the formal tone of the essay.

5. "top the list" -> "rank highest"
   Explanation: "Rank highest" is a more formal alternative to "top the list" and fits better with the academic context of the essay.

6. "less popular" -> "less commonly chosen"
   Explanation: "Less commonly chosen" provides a clearer description compared to "less popular" and aligns better with the formal tone of the essay.

7. "accounting for about" -> "comprising approximately"
   Explanation: "Comprising approximately" is a more precise and formal phrase compared to "accounting for about," enhancing the sophistication of the language used in the essay.

8. "distances over five miles" -> "distances exceeding five miles"
   Explanation: "Distances exceeding five miles" is a more formal and precise phrase compared to "distances over five miles." It maintains clarity and sophistication in the essay’s language.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

[
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in children’s journeys to school in the UK. It highlights key features such as the modes of transportation used for different distances and provides relevant data to support the description.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could more fully extend the presentation and analysis of the data, particularly by providing more detailed comparisons between the different age groups or regions within the UK. Additionally, ensuring precise data representation and avoiding repetition would enhance clarity and coherence.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay presents the information in a generally coherent manner, with a clear progression of ideas. It provides a good summary of the data in the bar graph and shows comparisons between the different modes of transport at various distance ranges. The cohesive devices used are effective in connecting the information, but there are a few issues with punctuation and sentence structure that could affect cohesion within sentences. Some paragraphs are not completely logical or clear in their arrangement, leading to a bit of confusion in certain places.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are clear and logical. Double-check punctuation to avoid unnecessary fragmentation, as this can affect the smooth flow of ideas. Consider restructuring some parts to make the connections between the data and the comparisons more explicit. Finally, maintain consistent paragraphing to ensure each paragraph contains a clear central topic and builds logically from the previous one.
]

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow for flexibility and precision in conveying the main features of the chart. There is effective use of less common lexical items, such as "fared," "widely," "significantly," and "accounting for," which enhances the sophistication of the language. The writer shows some awareness of style and collocation, using phrases like "top the list," "the majority of students," and "choose to." Occasional errors in word choice and word formation are present, such as "choose to bike" instead of "choose to cycle" and "students traveling" instead of "students who travel," but they do not significantly impede communication.
How to improve: To enhance lexical resource further, aim for more varied sentence structures and precise vocabulary choices. Additionally, pay attention to collocation and word choice to reduce occasional inaccuracies. Proofreading for consistent usage of terms related to transportation (e.g., "bike" vs. "cycle") would also improve clarity.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical range and accuracy, falling within Band 7 of the IELTS criteria. It effectively utilizes a variety of complex sentence structures, such as compound and complex sentences, contributing to a clear and coherent presentation of ideas. There is an evident attempt to use a range of vocabulary and grammatical structures to convey meaning.

The majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some instances of minor errors or inaccuracies, such as punctuation inconsistencies ("…, while buses are the main choice for longer distances. For journeys under 1 mile…") and a few awkward phrasings ("…while the numbers for cars and buses are significantly lower. , at 20% and 10% respectively."). These errors do not significantly impede communication but could be refined for greater clarity and precision.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy further towards a Band 8 score, focus on refining punctuation consistency and sentence structure complexity. Ensure that complex sentences are used effectively and accurately to convey ideas without introducing errors or ambiguities. Proofreading for minor errors and refining sentence transitions can also enhance overall clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar graph illustrates the transportation modes utilized by children aged 11 to 16 in the UK for their journeys to school in a specific year. Overall, it is evident that walking and cycling are the predominant choices for shorter distances, while buses are favored for longer distances.

For journeys under 1 mile, walking is the most popular mode of transportation, with 90% of children opting to walk, which is 40% higher than those choosing to cycle. Conversely, the use of cars and buses is minimal, with less than 10% of children using these modes. In the 1 to 2-mile category, cycling is the preferred choice, with 75% of students selecting this mode, followed by walking at 60%. The usage of cars and buses is considerably lower, at 20% and 10%, respectively.

In the 2 to 5-mile category, buses are the most favored mode of transport, chosen by 50% of students, followed closely by bicycles at 47%. Cars and walking are less popular, accounting for approximately 31% and 25% of journeys, respectively. For distances exceeding five miles, buses continue to be the preferred choice, with 70% of students opting for this mode, compared to 21% for cars. However, no data is provided for walking and cycling in this category.