The chart below illustrates the percentages of sales of one bookseller in 1970, 1997 and 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar charts illustrate the proportion of book sales in five distinct sectors in 1970,1997 and 2012.
Overall, it is clear that the graphs reveal a gradual upward trend in the percentage of adult fiction and children’s fiction sales while the opposite was true for biography sales, travel sales and other categories . Notably, the quality of adult fiction sales exhibited the most pronounced fluctuation throughout the period.
In 1972, other categories led with 25%, closely followed by adult fiction sales, children’s fiction sales and biography sales, which had relatively similar figures, making up 20%. Travel sales were the lowest, accounting for 15%.
Over the next four decades, after experiencing a gradual growth, the proportion of adult fiction sales increased twofold to 45%, surpassing the figure for others sales to reach a peak. A similar pattern was seen in the sales of children’s fiction, this figure witnessed a minimal rise from 20% in 1972 to 25% in 2012. Conversely, the percentage of biology, after a slight decrease in the initial 20 years, nearly halved to 8% by the end of the period. Similarly, the figure for other sales saw a marginal decrease of 25% to a low of 20%, then sharply reduced to 12% in 2012. Regarding travel sales, the quantity of this sector gradually rose before witnessing slight falling to 10% by 2012.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar charts illustrate the proportion of book sales in five distinct sectors" -> "The bar charts depict the proportions of book sales across five distinct sectors"
Explanation: "Depict" is more precise and formal than "illustrate" in this context, and "across" is more appropriate than "in" to indicate the scope of the sectors.
"it is clear that the graphs reveal" -> "it is evident that the graphs indicate"
Explanation: "Evident" is more academically formal than "clear," and "indicate" is a more precise verb for describing the presentation of data in graphs.
"a gradual upward trend" -> "a gradual increase"
Explanation: "Increase" is a more direct and precise term than "upward trend" in academic writing, focusing on the direction and magnitude of change.
"the opposite was true for biography sales, travel sales and other categories" -> "the opposite was true for biography, travel, and other categories"
Explanation: Removing "sales" after each category aligns with the singular form "categories," which is more grammatically correct and formal.
"the quality of adult fiction sales exhibited the most pronounced fluctuation" -> "the proportion of adult fiction sales exhibited the most significant fluctuations"
Explanation: "Proportion" is more specific and accurate than "quality" in this context, and "fluctuations" should be plural to match the plural form "sales," enhancing the precision of the statement.
"other categories led with 25%" -> "other categories led with 25%"
Explanation: The phrase "led with" is somewhat informal and vague; "led" alone is sufficient and more formal, suitable for academic writing.
"closely followed by adult fiction sales, children’s fiction sales and biography sales" -> "closely followed by adult fiction, children’s fiction, and biography"
Explanation: Removing "sales" after each category aligns with the singular form "categories" and enhances readability and formality.
"making up 20%" -> "accounting for 20%"
Explanation: "Accounting for" is more precise and formal than "making up," which is somewhat colloquial.
"the proportion of adult fiction sales increased twofold" -> "the proportion of adult fiction sales doubled"
Explanation: "Doubled" is a more direct and commonly used term in academic writing than "increased twofold," which is less common and slightly informal.
"the figure for others sales" -> "the figures for other categories"
Explanation: "Figures" should be plural to match the plural subject "categories," and "other categories" is more precise than "others sales," which is grammatically incorrect.
"nearly halved to 8%" -> "nearly halved to 8%"
Explanation: "Halved" is a more precise and formal term than "decreased by half," which is redundant and less formal.
"the quantity of this sector" -> "the volume of this sector"
Explanation: "Volume" is a more specific and formal term than "quantity" when referring to the amount of sales data.
"witnessing slight falling" -> "experiencing a slight decline"
Explanation: "Experiencing a slight decline" is more formal and precise than "witnessing slight falling," which is grammatically incorrect and informal.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but the information is not always appropriately selected. For example, the essay states that "the proportion of adult fiction sales increased twofold to 45%," but this is not entirely accurate. The proportion of adult fiction sales increased from 20% to 45%, which is an increase of 2.25 times, not twofold. The essay also includes some irrelevant details, such as the statement that "the figure for other sales saw a marginal decrease of 25% to a low of 20%, then sharply reduced to 12% in 2012." This information is not relevant to the main trends in the data.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the most important trends in the data and by providing more accurate information. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the trends. For example, instead of saying that "the proportion of adult fiction sales increased twofold," the essay could say that "the proportion of adult fiction sales increased by 2.25 times."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the introduction to the conclusion. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences may be faulty or mechanical, such as the abrupt transition between the discussion of adult fiction and children’s fiction sales. Additionally, the referencing of years and categories could be clearer to enhance understanding. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together for clarity.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can be achieved by using a wider variety of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph clearly relates to a single central topic. Additionally, clearer referencing of data points and trends would help the reader follow the argument more easily. Finally, ensuring that paragraphs are organized logically around related ideas will strengthen the overall structure of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with attempts to use less common vocabulary such as "proportion," "fluctuation," and "marginal." However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "biography sales" instead of "biographies" and "the quality of adult fiction sales" which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are some spelling errors, such as "biology" instead of "biography," which detracts from the overall clarity. While the communication is generally effective, these issues indicate that the lexical resource is adequate but not strong enough to reach a higher band.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately and appropriately. This includes ensuring correct word forms and collocations, as well as avoiding repetitive language. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can also help to convey ideas more precisely. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors will improve the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some attempts at complexity, the essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "the quality of adult fiction sales exhibited the most pronounced fluctuation" could be more straightforward. Additionally, the use of "biology" instead of "biography" is a significant error that affects the overall accuracy of the content. The punctuation is generally acceptable, but there are instances where it could be improved for better readability.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammatical structures and reducing errors. This can be done by practicing more complex sentence forms while ensuring they are used correctly. Additionally, proofreading for common mistakes, such as misused vocabulary and punctuation errors, will enhance clarity. Expanding the range of vocabulary and sentence structures will also contribute to a more sophisticated writing style, which is essential for higher band scores.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar charts illustrate the proportion of book sales in five distinct sectors in 1970, 1997, and 2012. Overall, it is clear that the graphs reveal a gradual upward trend in the percentage of adult fiction and children’s fiction sales, while the opposite was true for biography sales, travel sales, and other categories. Notably, the quality of adult fiction sales exhibited the most pronounced fluctuation throughout the period.

In 1970, other categories led with 25%, closely followed by adult fiction sales, children’s fiction sales, and biography sales, which had relatively similar figures, each making up 20%. Travel sales were the lowest, accounting for 15%. Over the next four decades, after experiencing gradual growth, the proportion of adult fiction sales increased twofold to 45%, surpassing the figure for other sales to reach a peak. A similar pattern was seen in the sales of children’s fiction, which witnessed a minimal rise from 20% in 1970 to 25% in 2012. Conversely, the percentage of biography sales, after a slight decrease in the initial 20 years, nearly halved to 8% by the end of the period. Similarly, the figure for other sales saw a marginal decrease from 25% to a low of 20%, then sharply reduced to 12% in 2012. Regarding travel sales, the quantity of this sector gradually rose before experiencing a slight fall to 10% by 2012.