the chart below show the result of survey on happiness ratings for married and unmarried people on the US, and the effect of children on the overall ratings of married couples.

These data source clearly communicate depict about the conclusion of survey on happiness ratings for married and single civilian on the US as well as the overall ratings of married couples are effected by children.
Overall, it is clear that a brief assessment of the information reveals the majority of married households made up larger than multiple unmarried about happiness ratings. Nevertheless, in deep of married information, it can be seen that the happiness ratings will be affected by the children under and over 18 years old even no children is also paramount principle factors that affected happiness rankings.
In happiness ratings both married and unmarried, while the similarly index in both 30 to 49 and 65 and over accounted for top of approximately a half, the age of 65 and over decline dramatically only 34 percent as well as the age of 30 to 49 still similarly bias, which also dropped in 22 percent.
In distinctive happiness ratings of married couples, almost the effect of children on the overall ratings of married couples achieved similarly index, which roundly 50 percent. Meanwhile, the level of only one child aged 18 and over were somewhat disadvantaged compared to other types, with only one child aged 18 or older, which a mere 41 percent.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"These data source clearly communicate depict" -> "These data sources clearly depict"
Explanation: "Communicate depict" is redundant and grammatically incorrect. "Depict" is the correct verb to use when describing visual representations of data, and "sources" is the correct plural form of "source."
"married and single civilian" -> "married and single individuals"
Explanation: "Civilian" is not the correct term here; "individuals" is more appropriate and contextually accurate for discussing demographics.
"the overall ratings of married couples are effected by children" -> "the overall ratings of married couples are affected by children"
Explanation: "Effected" is a misspelling of "affected," which is the correct term for indicating the influence of something on something else.
"a brief assessment of the information reveals the majority of married households made up larger than multiple unmarried about happiness ratings" -> "a brief assessment of the data indicates that married households outnumber single households in terms of happiness ratings"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the comparison and corrects the awkward and incorrect original phrasing.
"in deep of married information" -> "in the context of married households"
Explanation: "In deep of" is incorrect; "in the context of" is the correct phrase for discussing the scope or background of a topic.
"even no children is also paramount principle factors that affected happiness rankings" -> "even without children, which is also a paramount factor affecting happiness rankings"
Explanation: This revision corrects the grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning, making it more formal and precise.
"the similarly index in both 30 to 49 and 65 and over accounted for top of approximately a half" -> "the similar indices in both the 30-49 and 65+ age groups accounted for approximately half"
Explanation: "Similarity index" is incorrect; "similar indices" is the correct term. Also, "accounted for top of approximately a half" is awkward and unclear; "accounted for approximately half" is more direct and formal.
"the age of 65 and over decline dramatically only 34 percent" -> "the 65+ age group saw a decline of 34%"
Explanation: "Decline dramatically only" is redundant and unclear; "saw a decline of" is more precise and formal.
"still similarly bias" -> "still biased"
Explanation: "Bias" should be used as an adjective, not a noun, and "similarly" is unnecessary here.
"the level of only one child aged 18 and over were somewhat disadvantaged" -> "the level of households with only one child aged 18 or older was somewhat disadvantaged"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the subject and corrects the verb agreement to match the singular subject "household."
"which a mere 41 percent" -> "which was only 41%"
Explanation: "Which a mere" is grammatically incorrect; "which was only" is the correct structure for introducing a comparative statement. Also, "percent" should be preceded by a number, not a hyphen.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng:

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 3

Band Score: 3.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates significant issues in coherence and cohesion, falling into Band 3 based on the IELTS descriptors.

Organisation: The essay lacks logical organisation. Sentences are disjointed and fail to develop ideas coherently. There is no clear progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next, making it difficult for the reader to follow the arguments presented.
Cohesive Devices: There is a very limited use of cohesive devices, and those used do not establish logical relationships between ideas. For instance, phrases like "overall, it is clear that" and "nevertheless, in deep of married information" do not effectively connect ideas or paragraphs.
Paragraphing: The essay lacks clear paragraph structure. Ideas are presented in a fragmented manner without proper topic sentences or cohesive flow within paragraphs. This contributes to the overall lack of coherence.

How to improve:

Organisation: Focus on structuring the essay with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should develop a single main idea coherently.
Cohesive Devices: Use a wider range of cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases to connect ideas logically and clearly.
Paragraphing: Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports that topic coherently with relevant details and examples.

Improving these aspects will help raise the coherence and cohesion of the essay, making it easier to read and understand.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 3

Band Score: 3.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a very limited range of vocabulary and expressions. There are numerous errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout, severely impacting clarity and coherence. The sentences often lack grammatical structure and coherence, making it challenging to follow the intended meaning. The use of vocabulary is extremely basic and repetitive, and there is minimal control over word formation and spelling.

How to improve:

Expand Vocabulary: Focus on learning and using a broader range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of happiness ratings and surveys.
Grammar and Sentence Structure: Work on forming clear, grammatically correct sentences to improve overall coherence and readability.
Proofreading: Always proofread your work to correct errors in spelling and word formation, which will help in conveying your message more effectively.

This essay would need significant improvement in vocabulary choice, grammar, and overall coherence to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource on the IELTS scale.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 3

Band Score: 3

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates several grammatical issues that significantly impact clarity and coherence. There are numerous errors in sentence structure, word choice, and punctuation throughout the essay. These errors distort the meaning and make it difficult to follow the writer’s intended message. Additionally, there are inconsistencies in verb tense and agreement which further detract from readability.

How to improve:

Sentence Structure: Focus on constructing clear and grammatically correct sentences. Avoid overly complex structures until basic grammar rules are mastered.
Grammar and Punctuation: Review basic grammar rules, especially regarding verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation usage.
Word Choice: Choose words carefully to ensure they convey the intended meaning accurately.
Clarity and Coherence: Ensure that each paragraph and sentence logically follows from the previous one, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.

Improving these areas will help to elevate the essay to a higher band score by enhancing clarity and reducing grammatical errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here’s an improved version of the IELTS Task 1 report while maintaining the original data points and structure, with necessary corrections for clarity and accuracy:

The chart illustrates survey results on happiness ratings among married and unmarried individuals in the US, and how children influence the overall happiness of married couples.

Overall, the data clearly indicate that a majority of married households report higher happiness ratings compared to unmarried individuals. Examining married individuals more closely, it is evident that happiness ratings are significantly impacted by children, whether under 18 or absent altogether.

Regarding happiness ratings, both married and unmarried individuals aged 30-49 and 65 and older constitute approximately half of the respondents. However, the proportion of those aged 65 and older drops significantly to 34%, whereas the group aged 30-49 also decreases to 22%.

In terms of married couples’ happiness ratings, the impact of children on overall happiness is notable, with around 50% reporting similar levels of happiness. Notably, households with only one child aged 18 or older experience a lower satisfaction rate of 41% compared to other family compositions.

This revised version maintains the original data and structure while enhancing clarity and grammatical accuracy. If you have any further questions or need additional assistance, feel free to ask!