The chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the year 2000.

The provided bar chart illustrates the estimated world illiteracy rates by gender in different countries in 2000.
Overall, what is salient from the chart is the higher illiteracy rate of females in all nations surveyed. It is also important to note that South Asia is the region with the most significant number of men and women who cannot either read or write.
Looking first at the three regions with the highest illiteracy rate, Sub-Saharan Africa’s, Arab States’ and South Asia’s figures were roughly the same, standing in the vicinity of 30% of the total. More females are unable to read or write in these three regions, with 48% for Sub-Saharan Africa, 52% for Arab States, and 55% for South Asia.
Turning to the remaining regions, developed countries had the lowest percentage of illiterate males and females, with just north of 0% being recorded. A similar pattern was also observed in Latin American nations, where there were more females without the ability to write or read than males, with 12% for the former and 10% for the latter. Meanwhile, East Asian female illiterates doubled that figure of male ones, with 20% and just shy of 10% in that order.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"salient" -> "prominent"
Explanation: While "salient" can be used to mean prominent or noticeable, "prominent" is a more precise and widely understood term in this context, enhancing clarity.
"significant number of men and women" -> "substantial proportion of both genders"
Explanation: "significant number" could imply a specific quantity, while "substantial proportion" conveys the idea of a considerable percentage without specifying an exact figure, which is more appropriate given the context of the data being discussed.
"vicinity of 30%" -> "approximately 30%"
Explanation: "vicinity" suggests a close physical proximity, which may not accurately convey the statistical precision required here. "Approximately" is a better choice to indicate a rough estimate.
"illiterate males and females" -> "male and female illiteracy rates"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase to "male and female illiteracy rates" improves clarity by directly referring to the rates rather than the individuals themselves.
"just north of 0%" -> "slightly above 0%"
Explanation: "just north of" is a colloquial expression that might not be suitable for a formal essay. "Slightly above" maintains the same meaning while sounding more formal and precise.
"female illiterates doubled that figure of male ones" -> "the rate of female illiteracy was twice that of male illiteracy"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence to "the rate of female illiteracy was twice that of male illiteracy" clarifies the comparison between the illiteracy rates of females and males, avoiding potential ambiguity.
"just shy of 10% in that order" -> "nearly 10% respectively"
Explanation: "just shy of" is somewhat informal. "Nearly" conveys a similar meaning with a more formal tone. "Respectively" clarifies that the percentages correspond to the mentioned genders in the same order as presented.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

[
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in illiteracy rates by gender and region in the year 2000. It effectively highlights key features such as the higher illiteracy rate among females globally and the specific regions with the highest illiteracy rates. The information is presented in a structured manner, with relevant comparisons made between different regions and genders.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could extend the analysis of key features further, providing more detailed comparisons or discussing potential reasons for the observed trends. Additionally, ensuring that all information provided is accurate and supported by the data presented in the chart would strengthen the response.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information with a clear progression throughout. It introduces the topic and provides an overview of the data presented in the chart, mentioning the higher illiteracy rates among females and the regions with the highest rates. The essay then progresses to discuss the remaining regions and their respective illiteracy rates, providing comparisons between genders within each region. Paragraphing is used sufficiently and appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the data.

How to improve: To further improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth and seamless. This can be achieved by using linking words or phrases to show logical connections between ideas. Additionally, pay attention to maintaining a consistent tone and style throughout the essay to enhance overall readability and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the information effectively. There is a variety of vocabulary used, such as "salient," "significant," "figures," and "recorded." The writer also employs less common lexical items like "vicinity" and "doubled that figure," showcasing some awareness of style and collocation. Additionally, the essay shows flexibility in word choice, providing precise meanings throughout. However, there are occasional errors in word choice, such as "salient" instead of "significant" in the context of data interpretation.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, the writer should ensure consistency in word choice and accuracy in using less common lexical items. Careful proofreading can help eliminate minor errors and refine the vocabulary further. Additionally, expanding the range of vocabulary with even more sophisticated and precise terms would elevate the essay’s lexical quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures and accuracy overall. It effectively utilizes a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, such as "Looking first at the three regions with the highest illiteracy rate…" This indicates a satisfactory range of grammatical structures. Additionally, the majority of sentences are error-free, enhancing clarity and coherence.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, ensure consistent accuracy in complex sentence structures throughout the essay. While occasional errors are acceptable at this band level, strive for greater precision and clarity in expression. Additionally, paying attention to punctuation can further improve the overall coherence and readability of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart provided illustrates the estimated illiteracy rates by gender across various regions in the year 2000.

It is evident from the chart that females exhibited higher illiteracy rates than males in all the regions examined. Notably, South Asia was identified as the region with the highest illiteracy rates for both genders.

Focusing initially on the regions with the most significant illiteracy rates, the figures for Sub-Saharan Africa, the Arab States, and South Asia were relatively comparable, each hovering around 30% of their respective populations. In these regions, the percentage of females who were illiterate was considerably higher: 48% in Sub-Saharan Africa, 52% in the Arab States, and 55% in South Asia.

In contrast, the developed countries demonstrated the lowest illiteracy rates, with both male and female rates just above 0%. A similar trend was observed in Latin American countries, where the illiteracy rates for females and males were 12% and 10%, respectively. In East Asia, the rate of female illiteracy was notably higher, at 20%, compared to nearly 10% for males.

This analysis highlights significant regional and gender disparities in illiteracy rates as of the year 2000.