The chart below shows information about fuel used in the transport sector in different countries in Europe, compared to EU average, in 2009 and 2010 Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The given chart provides information about the percentage of fuel used in the transport sector in 6 European countries such as: Slovakia, Italy, France, Austria, Spain and Greece, compared to EU average, in 1 year period (2009 and 2010).

Overall, the proportion of fuel of different countries in different years was different and the data of the EU average witnessed a decrease from 2009 to 2010.
Looking at the chart in more detail, it can be seen that the average of Slovakia transport’s fuel consumption was the highest and significantly dropped from nearly 9% to 6,5% after 1 year; it was also the trend of Spain with a decrease from approximately 4% to 3%. In addition, the proportion of fuel used in the Greek was on the upward trend, from 1,2% to 2%, it was also the trend of Italy and France with an increase from 4,5% to over 5% and from 3,5% to over 4% respectively. Finally, Austria was the only country where there is a stability in the percentage of fewer use in transport of 5%.

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Errors and Improvements:

"proportion of fuel of different countries" -> "fuel consumption proportions across different countries"
Explanation: "Proportion of fuel of different countries" is awkward and lacks clarity. "Fuel consumption proportions across different countries" provides a clearer and more formal description of the data being discussed.
"witnessed a decrease" -> "experienced a decline"
Explanation: "Witnessed a decrease" is a bit informal. "Experienced a decline" maintains formality and precision in discussing the change in data.
"Looking at the chart in more detail" -> "Upon closer examination of the chart"
Explanation: "Looking at the chart in more detail" is a bit casual. "Upon closer examination of the chart" is more formal and academic.
"the average of Slovakia transport’s fuel consumption" -> "Slovakia’s average fuel consumption in transportation"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase and specifying "transportation" instead of just "transport" makes the sentence clearer and more precise.
"was the highest and significantly dropped" -> "was initially the highest and experienced a significant drop"
Explanation: Adding "initially" clarifies the sequence of events, and "experienced a significant drop" is more descriptive than "significantly dropped."
"from nearly 9% to 6,5%" -> "from close to 9% to 6.5%"
Explanation: Use the correct numerical format (decimal point instead of a comma) for precision and consistency.
"it was also the trend of Spain with a decrease" -> "Spain also experienced a decrease"
Explanation: Simplifying the sentence structure and avoiding repetition improves readability.
"from approximately 4% to 3%" -> "from about 4% to 3%"
Explanation: Use "about" instead of "approximately" for a smoother flow in the sentence.
"the proportion of fuel used in the Greek" -> "fuel usage proportion in Greece"
Explanation: "The proportion of fuel used in the Greek" is grammatically incorrect. "Fuel usage proportion in Greece" is a more accurate and grammatically sound phrase.
"it was also the trend of Italy and France" -> "Italy and France also saw the trend"
Explanation: Rearranging the sentence structure improves clarity and readability.
"with an increase from 4,5% to over 5%" -> "with an increase from 4.5% to over 5%"
Explanation: Use the correct numerical format (decimal point instead of a comma) for precision and consistency.
"from 3,5% to over 4%" -> "from 3.5% to over 4%"
Explanation: Use the correct numerical format (decimal point instead of a comma) for precision and consistency.
"Austria was the only country where there is a stability" -> "Austria was the only country that showed stability"
Explanation: "Where there is a stability" is awkward; "that showed stability" is a clearer and more grammatically correct phrase.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the chart, including the comparison of fuel usage in different European countries and the EU average for 2009 and 2010. The overview provides a general understanding of the data trends, mentioning both increases and decreases in fuel consumption. Key features are highlighted, such as the highest and lowest percentages of fuel usage in Slovakia and Austria respectively, and the trends in other countries. However, some details are inaccurate, such as stating a decrease in the EU average when the chart doesn’t provide that information.
How to improve: Ensure accuracy of information by referring directly to the provided chart. Extend the response by providing more specific details and comparisons, avoiding generalizations. Strengthen coherence and cohesion by organizing information logically and using transition words effectively.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay arranges information coherently, presenting an overview of the data and then delving into specific details about each country’s fuel usage. There is a clear progression in discussing the data from 2009 to 2010 and comparing the countries. However, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved. For instance, some sentences lack smooth transitions between ideas, affecting the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, while the essay attempts to use cohesive devices, there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, leading to some confusion. The paragraphing is somewhat logical, though there are minor issues with transitions between paragraphs.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on improving the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use cohesive devices more effectively to establish clearer relationships between ideas. Ensure that referencing and substitution are done consistently and accurately throughout the essay. Additionally, refine paragraphing to ensure smoother transitions between ideas and topics.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a somewhat limited range of vocabulary, with repetitive use of phrases such as "the proportion of fuel" and "it can be seen that." The writer attempts to convey information about the fuel usage in various European countries but relies heavily on basic vocabulary and structures. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "proportion of fuel of different countries" instead of "fuel consumption in different countries." Additionally, there are some inaccuracies in word formation and spelling, such as "fewer" instead of "fuel." However, the message is generally understandable despite these issues.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, especially more precise and varied expressions for conveying information. Avoid repetitive phrases and strive for greater diversity in vocabulary usage. Pay close attention to word choice, collocation, and spelling to minimize errors and enhance clarity. Additionally, practice using vocabulary in context to ensure fluency and accuracy in conveying meaning.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, including both simple and complex sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors throughout the essay that affect the clarity and accuracy of the writing. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("the data…witnessed"), article usage ("the Greek"), and sentence structure ("it was also the trend of Spain"). Additionally, there are issues with punctuation, such as missing commas in compound sentences ("Italy and France with an increase from 4,5% to over 5% and from 3,5% to over 4% respectively"). These errors, while not hindering overall comprehension, make the essay less accurate and impact the overall clarity.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on sentence structure and ensure subject-verb agreement. Pay close attention to article usage and punctuation to enhance the overall clarity and accuracy of the writing. Additionally, aim to use a wider range of sentence structures to demonstrate more flexibility in writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided chart illustrates the distribution of fuel consumption within the transportation sector across six European nations—Slovakia, Italy, France, Austria, Spain, and Greece—relative to the EU average for the years 2009 and 2010.

In general, there were notable disparities in fuel usage among the various countries across the two years, alongside a decline in the EU average from 2009 to 2010.

Upon closer examination of the data, it is evident that Slovakia exhibited the highest proportion of fuel consumption in its transportation sector, experiencing a significant decrease from approximately 9% to 6.5% over the one-year period. Similarly, Spain witnessed a decline from roughly 4% to 3%.

Conversely, Greece saw an upward trend in fuel consumption, rising from 1.2% to 2%. This trend was also observed in Italy and France, with increases from 4.5% to over 5% and from 3.5% to over 4%, respectively.

Notably, Austria remained stable with a consistent fuel usage percentage of 5% throughout the period under consideration.