the chart below shows the amount of money people spent on 5 kinds of fiction books between 2006 and 2010

The bar chart illustrates how much expenditure people spent on 5 categories of fiction books in a certain city from 2006 to 2010.

Overall, there was a decrease in the amount of money from selling fiction books in the period, while the figure for romance books witnessed a contrasting trend. In addition, the figure for Sci-Fi & Fantasy books always comprised the lowest position over the given period.

The amount of money from selling mystery books started at $60 thousand in 2006, after which experienced a slight decrease of approximately $50 thousand in 2008, ending the period just under $60 thousand. The figures for Sci-fi $ Fantasy books and young adult books were respectively just under $20 thousand and about $30 thousand in 2006, followed by a significant drop to approximately $15 and $20 thousand in 2008 before rising again to $17 and $28 thousand.

The north of $18 thousand was the amount of money consumed for classic books in 2006, with subsequent volatility before ending the period at $10 thousand. Opposite changes can be observed in the figure for romance books, which started at over $80 thousand, after experiencing a remarkable rise to $110 thousand in 2007, however, it dropped to about $85 thousand at the end of the period.

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Errors and Improvements:

"expenditure people spent" -> "expenditure allocated by individuals"
Explanation: "expenditure people spent" is redundant and less formal. "Expenditure allocated by individuals" maintains clarity and elevates the vocabulary choice.
"witnessed a contrasting trend" -> "exhibited a divergent trend"
Explanation: "witnessed a contrasting trend" is somewhat vague and informal. "Exhibited a divergent trend" conveys a clearer picture of the opposite direction in a more sophisticated manner.
"comprised the lowest position" -> "occupied the lowest position"
Explanation: "comprised the lowest position" is awkward. "Occupied the lowest position" is a more concise and standard expression.
"started at $60 thousand" -> "commenced at $60 thousand"
Explanation: "started at $60 thousand" is a common phrase. "Commenced at $60 thousand" offers a slightly more formal alternative.
"after which experienced a slight decrease" -> "subsequently experienced a slight decrease"
Explanation: "after which experienced" lacks clarity. "Subsequently experienced" provides a smoother transition and improves coherence.
"about $30 thousand" -> "approximately $30 thousand"
Explanation: "about $30 thousand" is colloquial. "Approximately $30 thousand" maintains formality and precision in reporting the amount.
"just under $20 thousand" -> "slightly below $20 thousand"
Explanation: "just under $20 thousand" is informal. "Slightly below $20 thousand" provides a more precise description.
"before rising again to $17 and $28 thousand" -> "before rebounding to $17 and $28 thousand"
Explanation: "rising again" is repetitive. "Rebounding to $17 and $28 thousand" suggests a recovery in a more succinct manner.
"The north of $18 thousand" -> "In excess of $18 thousand"
Explanation: "The north of $18 thousand" is an unconventional phrase. "In excess of $18 thousand" offers a clearer and more formal expression of the amount.
"consumed for classic books" -> "spent on classic books"
Explanation: "consumed for classic books" is unusual. "Spent on classic books" is a more common and appropriate phrase to describe expenditure.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation:
The essay effectively covers the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the data presented in the chart. It presents a clear overview of the main trends in the expenditure on different categories of fiction books over the given period. Key features and trends, such as the overall decrease in expenditure, the contrasting trend in romance books, and the consistently low expenditure on Sci-Fi & Fantasy books, are highlighted and illustrated. However, the response could be more fully developed, particularly in providing more detailed analysis and interpretation of the data.
How to improve:
To improve, the essay could provide more detailed analysis and interpretation of the data, such as explaining possible reasons for the observed trends or discussing the implications of the findings. Additionally, the response could benefit from more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance clarity and coherence. Ensure that each point made is directly relevant to the data presented in the chart.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organising information coherently, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The essay begins by summarising the main trends shown in the chart and proceeds to detail the expenditure on different categories of fiction books over the specified period. The progression of information is generally clear, moving from one category to another and discussing changes over time. There is an attempt to use cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "Overall", "In addition", and "Opposite changes can be observed", which aids in connecting ideas. However, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved for smoother flow and clearer connections between ideas.

The use of paragraphing is evident, with separate paragraphs discussing each category of fiction books. However, the paragraphing may not always be logical, as some paragraphs could be more effectively structured to enhance coherence. For example, the paragraph discussing mystery books could be divided into smaller paragraphs to better delineate the progression of expenditure over time.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on ensuring that the flow of information is smooth and logical throughout the essay. Use cohesive devices more effectively to connect ideas within and between sentences, ensuring that the relationship between ideas is clear to the reader. Additionally, pay attention to paragraph structure, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and logically presents information related to that topic. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones to improve readability and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering various aspects of the given data. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "expenditure," "witnessed," "contrasting trend," "comprised," and "consumed," but with some inaccuracy in word choice and collocation. There are occasional errors in spelling and word formation, such as "Sci-fi $ Fantasy" instead of "Sci-Fi & Fantasy" and "north" instead of "worth." However, these errors do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, strive for more accuracy in word choice and collocation. Ensure consistency in spelling and word formation throughout the essay. Consider using a wider range of vocabulary with more precision to convey the meanings effectively. Additionally, review the use of punctuation and ensure clarity in sentence structures.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, incorporating both simple and complex sentences effectively. There is a variety of sentence forms used throughout the essay, contributing to coherence and clarity. The majority of the sentences are error-free, showcasing a good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing, which do not significantly impede communication but are noticeable.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining sentence structures further and pay attention to minor errors such as subject-verb agreement and awkward phrasing. Proofreading the essay thoroughly can help catch these minor errors and enhance the overall clarity and precision of the language. Additionally, aiming for more sophisticated vocabulary and expressions can elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar chart delineates the expenditure trends associated with five distinct genres of fiction books in a particular urban area from 2006 to 2010.

Overall, there was a discernible decline in the revenue generated from the sale of fiction books during the specified timeframe, although the segment dedicated to romance literature exhibited a notable deviation from this pattern. Moreover, throughout the period under consideration, the category of Sci-Fi & Fantasy books consistently occupied the lowest position in terms of monetary returns.

Commencing at $60 thousand in 2006, the revenue stemming from the sale of mystery books experienced a marginal downturn to approximately $50 thousand by 2008, concluding the period just below the initial benchmark. Conversely, the financial figures for Sci-Fi & Fantasy books and young adult literature stood at just under $20 thousand and around $30 thousand, respectively, in 2006, before undergoing a substantial decrease to roughly $15 thousand and $20 thousand by 2008. However, these figures exhibited a subsequent resurgence, reaching approximately $17 thousand and $28 thousand, respectively.

In 2006, an expenditure of over $18 thousand was allocated towards classic literature, with subsequent fluctuations culminating in a final figure of $10 thousand by the end of the period. Conversely, the financial trajectory of romance books portrayed a contrasting narrative. Initially exceeding $80 thousand, the revenue surged to $110 thousand in 2007, only to regress to approximately $85 thousand by the period’s conclusion.