The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales (in various formats) of films from a particular store between 2002 and 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph illustrates how many films were retailed and sold (in types formats) every year from 2002 to 2011. Overall, there was a downward trend in the number of rentals and VHS sales, while the figures for Blu-ray sales followed the opposite trend. The data on DVD sales fluctuated over the period of nine years.
Looking at the details, the number of DVD sales started at about 48000 in the first year, followed by a moderate increase to nearly 220000 in 2007 before declining minimally to exactly 190000 in 2011. As regards the rentals began at approximately 195000 in 2002, after which a witness significant fall to around 59000 in the last year.
If we look at the number of VHS sales from 2002 to 2006, it started at about 48000 in 2002 and then a dramatic drop to zero in 2006. Between 2007 and 2011, there was an upward trend from nearly 2000 to approximately 15000 in the figures for Blu-ray sales.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"retailed" -> "rented out"
Explanation: The term "retailed" is typically used in the context of selling goods, whereas the context here pertains to renting films. "Rented out" is a more appropriate term for describing the action of making films available for temporary use in exchange for payment.
"types formats" -> "various formats"
Explanation: "Types formats" is redundant. "Various formats" succinctly communicates the idea of different formats without repetition.
"a downward trend" -> "a declining trend"
Explanation: "A declining trend" is a more precise and formal term for indicating a decrease over time, which better matches the context of the graph.
"followed the opposite trend" -> "exhibited an inverse trend"
Explanation: "Followed the opposite trend" is somewhat colloquial. "Exhibited an inverse trend" is a more precise and formal alternative, indicating a contrasting direction of change.
"fluctuated over the period of nine years" -> "exhibited fluctuations throughout the nine-year period"
Explanation: The phrase "fluctuated over the period of nine years" is somewhat awkward. "Exhibited fluctuations throughout the nine-year period" maintains clarity while sounding more polished.
"started at about" -> "commenced at approximately"
Explanation: "Started at about" is a common phrase but using "commenced at approximately" adds formality and precision to the description of the initial point.
"moderate increase" -> "gradual rise"
Explanation: "Moderate increase" is a bit vague. "Gradual rise" conveys a clearer sense of the steady but not overly rapid growth.
"followed by a moderate increase" -> "subsequently experiencing a gradual rise"
Explanation: Adding "subsequently experiencing" provides a smoother transition and strengthens the connection between the initial point and the subsequent increase.
"declining minimally" -> "experienced a slight decline"
Explanation: "Declining minimally" is somewhat awkward. "Experienced a slight decline" is a clearer and more concise way to convey a small decrease.
"about 48000" -> "approximately 48,000"
Explanation: Using "approximately" adds precision to the numerical value and conforms to a more formal style.
"a witness significant fall" -> "witnessed a significant decline"
Explanation: "A witness significant fall" is grammatically incorrect. "Witnessed a significant decline" is the correct verb form and conveys the intended meaning clearly.
"rentals began at approximately" -> "the number of rentals commenced at around"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and flow, and using "the number of rentals" instead of "rentals" for specificity.
"nearly 59000" -> "almost 59,000"
Explanation: Using "almost" instead of "nearly" maintains variety in language usage and improves readability.
"started at about" -> "commenced at approximately"
Explanation: Consistency in style and formality, using "commenced at approximately" for precision.
"dramatic drop" -> "sharp decline"
Explanation: "Dramatic drop" can be replaced with "sharp decline" to convey a sudden and significant decrease more precisely.
"upward trend" -> "ascending trajectory"
Explanation: "Upward trend" can be substituted with "ascending trajectory" to introduce more variety in vocabulary and add sophistication to the description.
"from nearly 2000 to approximately 15000" -> "ranging from almost 2,000 to around 15,000"
Explanation: This revision enhances clarity by explicitly stating the range of values for Blu-ray sales and using "ranging from…to" construction for precision.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in film rentals and sales between 2002 and 2011. It presents key features such as the downward trend in rentals and VHS sales, the fluctuation in DVD sales, and the increasing trend in Blu-ray sales. The essay effectively compares the data where relevant.
How to improve: To enhance the response to a Band 8 level, the essay could extend the analysis by providing more detailed descriptions of the data, such as specific figures for each year and additional comparisons between different formats. Additionally, ensuring a smoother flow of information and avoiding minor grammatical errors would further strengthen the essay.]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation:
The essay presents the main features of the data, such as the trends in rentals and sales of different film formats over the specified period. However, the organization lacks overall progression, as the transitions between points are somewhat abrupt, and the coherence within and between sentences is occasionally unclear. While there is an attempt to use cohesive devices, such as "overall," "looking at the details," and "if we look at," they are not consistently effective, leading to some confusion for the reader. Additionally, the essay lacks sufficient paragraphing, contributing to the overall lack of coherence.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, the essay should establish a clearer structure with an introduction, body paragraphs for each main point, and a conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the data, with clear topic sentences to guide the reader. Work on smoother transitions between ideas, using cohesive devices effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs logically. Additionally, pay attention to paragraphing, ensuring that each paragraph contains cohesive ideas and contributes to the overall flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with attempts to use less common vocabulary. It effectively describes the trends in rentals and sales of various film formats from 2002 to 2011. The writer employs vocabulary related to data presentation, such as "retailed," "formats," "figures," and "fluctuated." Additionally, varied vocabulary is used to describe trends, such as "downward trend," "opposite trend," "fluctuated," and "upward trend." However, there are instances of inaccurate word choices and awkward phrasing, such as "a witness significant fall" (which should be "witnessed a significant fall") and "a moderate increase to nearly 220000" (which could be improved for clarity). Some inaccuracies in word formation, such as "retailed" instead

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, including varied structures such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is an attempt to use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures, although some errors in grammar and punctuation are present. For instance, there are minor errors in subject-verb agreement ("how many films were retailed") and tense consistency ("started at about 48000 in 2002 and then a dramatic drop"). However, these errors do not significantly hinder communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on improving subject-verb agreement and maintaining consistent tense usage throughout the essay. Additionally, strive for clearer expression and precision in vocabulary usage. Proofreading for grammatical errors and punctuation consistency can also help improve the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided graph delineates the annual sales and rentals of films in various formats from a specific store spanning the years 2002 to 2011. Broadly, there was a consistent decline in rentals and VHS sales, while Blu-ray sales demonstrated an opposing trajectory. DVD sales, however, experienced fluctuations during this period.

Beginning with DVD sales, the initial year saw approximately 48,000 units sold, which then steadily rose to nearly 220,000 by 2007 before a slight dip to precisely 190,000 by 2011. Conversely, rental figures commenced at roughly 195,000 in 2002, sharply decreasing to about 59,000 by the final year.

Regarding VHS sales, the period from 2002 to 2006 witnessed a drop from around 48,000 units to zero by 2006. From 2007 onward, there was a resurgence, climbing from nearly 2,000 to approximately 15,000 units by 2011. Blu-ray sales followed a similar pattern, starting from minimal sales in 2002 to a peak of around 15,000 units in 2011.

Overall, the data illustrates a notable shift in consumer preferences over the specified period, with Blu-ray sales emerging as a significant trend while traditional formats like VHS experienced a decline in popularity.