The chart below shows the annual rice production in 4 countries in 1995,2005,2015

The bar chart illustrates the annual rice production in 4 different countries in the survey of 20 years.
it is clear that A and B countries had a high output, while B and C were opposite. The figure for rice production in three countries A, B and D increased, otherwise C country remained unchanged.
Starting at 45 in 1995 the rice production of country A rose slightly by 2 in 2005, then stood at 50 in 2015. After climbing sharply from over 35 to over 45 in the number of rice production in the period of survey between 1995 and 2005, that of country B declined minimally to 43 in 2015.
In country C, there was a small growth between 5 and 8 in the data of rice output in the period of survey form 1995 to 2005, but returned to 5 in the next 10 years. Moreover, before increasing twice in 2015, the number of rice production in country D remained unchanged at 3 between 1995 and 2005.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"it is clear that A and B countries had a high output, while B and C were opposite." -> "It is evident that countries A and B exhibited higher output levels, whereas countries B and C displayed lower levels."
Explanation: The original phrase is vague and informal. The revision clarifies the comparison and uses more precise language suitable for an academic context.
"The figure for rice production in three countries A, B and D increased, otherwise C country remained unchanged." -> "The rice production figures for countries A, B, and D increased, whereas that of country C remained unchanged."
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly phrased and uses "otherwise," which is informal. The revision corrects these issues and maintains a formal tone.
"Starting at 45 in 1995 the rice production of country A rose slightly by 2 in 2005, then stood at 50 in 2015." -> "Beginning at 45 in 1995, country A’s rice production increased by 2 in 2005, reaching 50 in 2015."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically awkward and unclear. The revision clarifies the sequence of events and uses more formal language.
"After climbing sharply from over 35 to over 45 in the number of rice production in the period of survey between 1995 and 2005, that of country B declined minimally to 43 in 2015." -> "Following a significant increase from over 35 to over 45 between 1995 and 2005, country B’s rice production decreased minimally to 43 in 2015."
Explanation: The original phrase is verbose and uses informal terms like "climbing sharply." The revision simplifies and formalizes the language.
"In country C, there was a small growth between 5 and 8 in the data of rice output in the period of survey form 1995 to 2005, but returned to 5 in the next 10 years." -> "In country C, the rice output data showed a small increase from 5 to 8 between 1995 and 2005, before returning to 5 in the subsequent decade."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects these issues and uses more precise and formal language.
"Moreover, before increasing twice in 2015, the number of rice production in country D remained unchanged at 3 between 1995 and 2005." -> "Furthermore, prior to a doubling in 2015, country D’s rice production remained steady at 3 between 1995 and 2005."
Explanation: The original phrase "increasing twice" is unclear and informal. The revision clarifies the statement and uses more precise language.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in rice production. Instead, it recounts details mechanically, focusing on individual countries and years. There is no data to support the description. The essay presents some key features, but it inadequately covers them. For example, the essay states that country A had a high output, but it does not provide any specific figures to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in rice production. The essay should also provide specific data to support its claims. For example, the essay could state that rice production in country A increased by 5 million tonnes between 1995 and 2015. The essay should also avoid recounting details mechanically. Instead, it should focus on presenting the information in a clear and concise way.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are notable issues with overall progression and clarity. While it attempts to describe the trends in rice production, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which detracts from the overall coherence. Additionally, the paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the information is presented in a somewhat disjointed manner.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly structuring the essay with logical progression between ideas. This can be achieved by using a variety of cohesive devices appropriately and ensuring that each paragraph presents a single clear topic. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing and substitution would help avoid repetition and enhance the overall flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the data, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with phrases like "rice production" and "the number of rice production" appearing multiple times. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the survey of 20 years" instead of a more appropriate phrasing like "over a 20-year period." Additionally, there are spelling and grammatical errors, such as "the figure for rice production in three countries A, B and D increased, otherwise C country remained unchanged," which can cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items and synonyms to avoid repetition. Improving accuracy in word choice and collocation is essential, as is ensuring grammatical correctness. Incorporating more varied sentence structures and using precise terms related to data description would also elevate the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect prepositions ("in the survey of 20 years" should be "over a survey period of 20 years") and awkward phrasing ("the number of rice production"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. While there are some accurate sentences, the overall control of grammar and punctuation is inconsistent, leading to a score that reflects the limitations in grammatical range and accuracy.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of grammatical structures by incorporating more complex sentences and ensuring that they are error-free. Practicing the use of subordinate clauses and varying sentence beginnings can enhance the essay’s complexity. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing will improve clarity and coherence, making the essay easier to understand.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart illustrates the annual rice production in four different countries over a 20-year period. It is clear that countries A and B had high outputs, while countries C and D exhibited lower production levels. The figures for rice production in countries A, B, and D increased, whereas country C remained unchanged.

Starting at 45 in 1995, the rice production of country A rose slightly by 2 tons in 2005, then reached 50 tons in 2015. After climbing sharply from over 35 tons to over 45 tons between 1995 and 2005, the production in country B declined minimally to 43 tons in 2015.

In country C, there was a small increase in rice output, rising from 5 tons to 8 tons between 1995 and 2005, but it returned to 5 tons in the following decade. Moreover, before doubling in 2015, the rice production in country D remained unchanged at 3 tons between 1995 and 2005.