The chart below shows the annual rice production in four countries in 1995, 2005, and 2015

The graphical format illustrates rice cultivation on a yearly basis in four different nations, namely A,B,C,D between 1995 and 2015.
Overall, it can be seen that the figure of A and B revealed a distinctively higher rice production than that of C and B. In addition, the data of A and D both showed an upward trend, as opposed to that of B and C, which fluctuated over the given time.
Looking at the quantity of rice cultivation in A and B, at the outset, A accounted for the highest figure at approximately 45M, followed by B’s data at nearly 35M. In the next period, A witnessed a about slight 2M growth, and the more was true for B, which significantly rose to 47M tonnes. However, the concluding period marked the uptick of A to reach its zenith at about 50M tonnes, whereas that of B dropped to around 42M tonnes.
Turing to two remaining categories, the figure of C hovered around 5M tonnes, except for 2005 when it hit the highest position at about 8M. Meanwhile, that of D witnessed a 10-year stagnation at nearly 3M before experiencing growth to its climax at about 6M.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The graphical format illustrates" -> "The graph illustrates"
Explanation: "The graphical format" is redundant as "format" is already implied by "graphical." Simplifying to "The graph" enhances clarity and maintains an academic tone.
"yearly basis" -> "annual basis"
Explanation: "Yearly basis" is slightly informal and less precise. "Annual basis" is more formal and commonly used in academic writing.
"namely A,B,C,D" -> "namely A, B, C, and D"
Explanation: Adding commas and the conjunction "and" after "C" corrects the punctuation and improves readability, adhering to standard list formatting in formal writing.
"distinctively higher" -> "significantly higher"
Explanation: "Distinctively" is not typically used to describe quantitative differences. "Significantly" is more appropriate for academic contexts to convey the magnitude of the difference.
"the more was true for B, which significantly rose" -> "similarly, B saw a significant increase"
Explanation: "The more was true for B, which significantly rose" is awkward and unclear. "Similarly, B saw a significant increase" is clearer and maintains a formal tone.
"a about slight 2M growth" -> "a slight growth of approximately 2 million tonnes"
Explanation: "A about slight 2M growth" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised version clarifies the measurement and adheres to formal academic language.
"the more was true for" -> "similarly"
Explanation: "The more was true for" is an awkward construction. "Similarly" is a more natural and academically appropriate transitional phrase.
"the concluding period marked the uptick of A to reach its zenith at about 50M tonnes" -> "the final period saw A reach its peak at approximately 50 million tonnes"
Explanation: "The concluding period marked the uptick of A to reach its zenith" is verbose and slightly awkward. "The final period saw A reach its peak" is more direct and formal.
"Turing to two remaining categories" -> "Turning to the remaining categories"
Explanation: "Turing" is a typographical error. Correcting it to "Turning" fixes the typo, and removing "two" makes the phrase more general, fitting the context better.
"hovered around 5M tonnes" -> "remained relatively constant at approximately 5 million tonnes"
Explanation: "Hovered around" is informal and vague. "Remained relatively constant at approximately" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"except for 2005 when it hit the highest position at about 8M" -> "except in 2005, when it reached its highest level of approximately 8 million tonnes"
Explanation: "Hit the highest position" is informal and imprecise. "Reached its highest level" is more formal and precise, and specifying "tonnes" clarifies the unit of measurement.
"before experiencing growth to its climax at about 6M" -> "before experiencing a growth peak of approximately 6 million tonnes"
Explanation: "Experiencing growth to its climax" is somewhat informal and vague. "Experiencing a growth peak" is more precise and formal, and specifying "tonnes" is necessary for clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in rice production in the four countries. It also highlights the key features of the data, such as the fact that countries A and B had higher production than countries C and D. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features. For example, it does not provide a detailed analysis of the reasons for the trends in rice production.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed analysis of the trends in rice production. For example, the essay could discuss the factors that may have contributed to the increase in rice production in countries A and D, or the factors that may have contributed to the decrease in rice production in country B. The essay could also provide a more detailed comparison of the rice production in the four countries. For example, the essay could compare the percentage change in rice production in each country over the 20-year period.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. However, while it uses cohesive devices effectively, there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to some mechanical or awkward phrasing. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the discussion of countries A and B is somewhat mixed with C and D without clear transitions. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 6 due to its coherent arrangement of ideas and effective use of cohesive devices, albeit with some issues in clarity and logical flow.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from clearer paragraphing, ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a specific set of data or comparisons. Additionally, improving the use of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas would enhance the overall flow. More varied vocabulary and sentence structures could also contribute to a more engaging and cohesive presentation of the information.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "cultivation," "fluctuated," and "zenith," but there are inaccuracies in word choice and some awkward phrasing, such as "the more was true for B" and "the figure of C hovered around." Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "Turing" instead of "Turning" and "a about slight" which is grammatically incorrect. While these errors do not completely impede communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater accuracy and precision. This includes avoiding awkward phrases and ensuring that word choices are appropriate for the context. Additionally, improving spelling and grammatical accuracy will help to convey ideas more clearly. Practicing the use of synonyms and more sophisticated vocabulary in context can also contribute to a higher score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 performance. While there are some effective structures used, the essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "the figure of A and B revealed a distinctively higher rice production than that of C and B" are somewhat confusing and could be more clearly articulated. Additionally, errors such as "A witnessed a about slight 2M growth" and "Turing to two remaining categories" indicate a lack of accuracy in grammar and punctuation.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and reducing errors. This can be accomplished by proofreading the essay for grammatical mistakes, improving sentence structure for clarity, and ensuring that complex sentences are used correctly. Expanding the range of vocabulary and using more varied sentence structures will also contribute to a more sophisticated writing style, which is essential for higher band scores.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graphical format illustrates rice cultivation on a yearly basis in four different nations, namely A, B, C, and D, between 1995 and 2015. Overall, it can be seen that the figures for A and B revealed distinctly higher rice production than those of C and D. In addition, the data for A and D both showed an upward trend, whereas B and C fluctuated over the given time.

Looking at the quantity of rice cultivation in A and B, at the outset, A accounted for the highest figure at approximately 45M, followed by B’s data at nearly 35M. In the next period, A witnessed a slight growth of about 2M, and the same was true for B, which significantly rose to 47M tonnes. However, the concluding period marked an uptick for A, reaching its zenith at about 50M tonnes, whereas B dropped to around 42M tonnes.

Turning to the two remaining categories, the figure for C hovered around 5M tonnes, except for 2005 when it hit its highest position at about 8M. Meanwhile, D experienced a 10-year stagnation at nearly 3M before witnessing growth to its climax at about 6M.