The chart below shows the Average Monthly Temperatures for three African cities in 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write about 150 words.
The chart below shows the Average Monthly Temperatures for three African cities in 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write about 150 words.
The chart compares the average temperatures per month for three African cities in 2008. It is clearly that the monthly temperatures of Cape town ( South Africa) decreased significantly, the opposite was true for its counterparts. Also, Mombasa (Kenya)’s degrees stabilized over the period shown.
In January, There was an average of 80°F in Mombasa, in comparison with only around 55°F in Cairo. Over the next five months, the average temperatures of Cape town fell by approximately 15 °F. By contrast, Cairo’s average degrees experienced a dramatic increased of 25°F. At the same time , Mombasa’s degrees fluctuated slightly below 80°F.
In June, the temperatures of Cairo and Cape Town witnessed a slight decline, with just 2°F on each. From the June onwards, it can be seen that the average monthly temperatures of Mombasa surpassed that of Cairo and became the highest degrees Fahrenheit among the 3 cities . To be more specific, average monthly temperatures of Mombasa went up to 80°F, while the figure for Cairo decreased to about 30°F by the end of the period . During the same period, there was substantial increased of Cape Town, at around 13 °F.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
-
"It is clearly that" -> "It is evident that"
Explanation: The phrase "It is clearly that" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "It is evident that" is more formal and grammatically correct, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence. -
"the opposite was true for its counterparts" -> "the opposite was true for the other cities"
Explanation: The term "its counterparts" is vague and unclear in this context. Using "the other cities" clarifies the reference and maintains a formal tone. -
"Also, Mombasa (Kenya)’s degrees stabilized over the period shown." -> "Additionally, Mombasa’s temperatures remained relatively stable over the period depicted."
Explanation: "Also" is too informal for academic writing; "Additionally" is more appropriate. "Degrees" is not the correct term for temperature measurements; "temperatures" is the correct term. "The period shown" is vague; "the period depicted" is more precise and formal. -
"In January, There was an average of 80°F in Mombasa, in comparison with only around 55°F in Cairo." -> "In January, the average temperature in Mombasa was approximately 80°F, compared to around 55°F in Cairo."
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error "There was" to "the average temperature was" for subject-verb agreement. Also, "in comparison with only around" is awkward; "compared to around" is more direct and formal. -
"the average temperatures of Cape town fell by approximately 15 °F." -> "the average temperatures in Cape Town decreased by approximately 15°F."
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "Cape town" to "Cape Town" and changes "fell" to "decreased" for a more formal tone. Also, "of" is incorrect before "Cape Town," as "in" is the correct preposition for locations. -
"Cairo’s average degrees experienced a dramatic increased of 25°F." -> "Cairo’s average temperatures experienced a significant increase of 25°F."
Explanation: "Degrees" is incorrect; "temperatures" is the correct term. "Dramatic increased" is a misuse of the word "increased"; "significant increase" is the correct phrase. -
"At the same time, Mombasa’s degrees fluctuated slightly below 80°F." -> "Concurrently, Mombasa’s temperatures fluctuated slightly below 80°F."
Explanation: "At the same time" is informal; "Concurrently" is more formal. Also, corrects "degrees" to "temperatures" for consistency with earlier in the sentence. -
"the temperatures of Cairo and Cape Town witnessed a slight decline, with just 2°F on each." -> "the temperatures in Cairo and Cape Town experienced a slight decline, with a decrease of only 2°F."
Explanation: "Witnessed" is too passive and informal; "experienced" is more active and formal. "On each" is unclear; "a decrease of only 2°F" is more precise and formal. -
"From the June onwards, it can be seen that the average monthly temperatures of Mombasa surpassed that of Cairo and became the highest degrees Fahrenheit among the 3 cities." -> "From June onwards, it is evident that the average monthly temperatures in Mombasa exceeded those in Cairo, becoming the highest in the three cities."
Explanation: "From the June onwards" is informal; "From June onwards" is more precise. "That of" is awkward; "those in" is clearer. "Highest degrees Fahrenheit among the 3 cities" is awkward and informal; "highest in the three cities" is more formal and correct. -
"there was substantial increased of Cape Town, at around 13 °F." -> "there was a substantial increase in Cape Town, of approximately 13°F."
Explanation: "Substantial increased" is grammatically incorrect; "substantial increase" is correct. "Of" is incorrect before "Cape Town"; "in" is the correct preposition. "At around" is informal; "of approximately" is more precise and formal.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5
Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, and the information is recounted mechanically. The essay does present some key features, but it inadequately covers them. For example, the essay states that Cape Town’s temperatures fell by approximately 15°F over the next five months, but it does not specify which months. The essay also focuses on details, such as the specific temperature changes in June, rather than providing a broader overview of the trends.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also focus on presenting the key features of the data, rather than focusing on details. For example, the essay could state that Cape Town’s temperatures generally decreased over the period, while Cairo’s temperatures generally increased. The essay could also provide more specific information about the trends, such as the months in which the temperatures changed most significantly.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are noticeable issues with overall progression and clarity. While it attempts to compare the temperatures of the three cities, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to a somewhat disjointed reading experience. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the flow of the essay. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not effectively utilized, as it lacks logical separation of ideas.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly structuring the essay into distinct paragraphs, each with a central topic. Improving the use of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, will help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that comparisons are clearly articulated and logically sequenced will contribute to a more coherent overall progression.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey comparisons between the three cities, the use of vocabulary is basic and repetitive, with noticeable errors in word choice and spelling (e.g., "the opposite was true for its counterparts" lacks clarity, and "substantial increased" should be "substantial increase"). The essay also contains inaccuracies in collocation and phrasing, which can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. Overall, the vocabulary used does not effectively convey precise meanings or demonstrate a sufficient level of flexibility and sophistication expected at higher band scores.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including more sophisticated and less common lexical items. Additionally, focusing on correct word forms and collocations will improve clarity. Practicing paraphrasing and using synonyms can help reduce repetition and enhance the overall quality of the language used. Finally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical accuracy will help eliminate errors that may impede communication.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and attempts to use complex sentences, but these attempts often lack accuracy. There are frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms ("witnessed a slight decline" should be "witnessed slight declines"), punctuation issues (e.g., missing commas and incorrect spacing), and awkward phrasing ("the opposite was true for its counterparts"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. While the essay conveys some information about the temperatures, the inaccuracies in grammar and punctuation detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the communication.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:
- Practice complex sentence structures: Work on constructing more complex sentences accurately, ensuring that subject-verb agreement and verb tenses are correct.
- Proofread for errors: Take time to review the essay for grammatical and punctuation errors before submission. This can help catch mistakes that may hinder understanding.
- Expand vocabulary: Use a wider variety of vocabulary to express comparisons and contrasts more effectively, which can also help in constructing more sophisticated sentences.
- Focus on clarity: Aim for clearer expression of ideas by using straightforward language and ensuring that each sentence logically follows from the previous one.
Bài sửa mẫu
The chart compares the average temperatures per month for three African cities in 2008. It is clear that the monthly temperatures of Cape Town (South Africa) decreased significantly, while the opposite was true for its counterparts. Additionally, Mombasa (Kenya)’s temperatures stabilized over the period shown.
In January, there was an average of 80°F in Mombasa, compared to only around 55°F in Cairo. Over the next five months, the average temperatures of Cape Town fell by approximately 15°F. By contrast, Cairo’s average temperatures experienced a dramatic increase of 25°F. At the same time, Mombasa’s temperatures fluctuated slightly below 80°F.
In June, the temperatures of Cairo and Cape Town witnessed a slight decline, with just a 2°F drop for each. From June onwards, it can be seen that the average monthly temperatures of Mombasa surpassed those of Cairo, becoming the highest temperatures among the three cities. To be more specific, the average monthly temperatures of Mombasa rose to 80°F, while the figure for Cairo decreased to about 30°F by the end of the period. During the same timeframe, there was a substantial increase in Cape Town’s temperatures, at around 13°F.
Phản hồi