The chart below shows the changes in UK’s birth rate for women in six different age groups from 1973 to 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given line graph compares six different age groups in terms of birth rates in the UK between 1973 and 2008.
Overall, it is notable that while the birth rate for middle-aged women (aged 30 to 39) showed a consistent increase, the other age groups experienced a decline. Despite fluctuations, women aged 25 to 29 continued to account for the largest portion of total births, while the lowest rates were recorded among women over 40 throughout the period.
In 1973, women aged 25 to 29 had by far the highest birth rate, with approximately 140 births per 1,000 women, followed closely by women aged 20 to 25, who had nearly 130 births. In contrast, women under 20 and those aged 30 to 35 had much lower birth rates, at around 60 and 70 births per 1,000 women, respectively. The birth rate for women aged 35 to 39 was significantly lower, at 40 births, double that of those over 40.
From 1978 to 2003, the birth rate among women aged 25 to 29 fluctuated between 120 and 130 births before finishing the period at 120 births per 1,000 women, maintaining its position as the highest among all age groups. Meanwhile, the birth rate for women aged 20 to 25 experienced a sharp decline, falling to just over 90 births by 2008. Similar but less pronounced decreases were observed among women under 20 and those over 40, whose birth rates dropped to 40 and 10 births, respectively. In contrast, women aged 30 to 35 and 35 to 39 saw an upward trend, with their birth rates rising steadily to nearly 90 and 70 births by 2008.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"it is notable that" -> "it is noteworthy that"
Explanation: "Noteworthy" is a more formal and precise term than "notable," which enhances the academic tone of the writing.
"showed a consistent increase" -> "exhibited a steady increase"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is a more formal verb than "showed," and "steady" conveys a clearer sense of gradual change, aligning better with academic language.
"account for the largest portion of total births" -> "constitute the largest proportion of total births"
Explanation: "Constitute" is a more precise term than "account for," and "proportion" is more appropriate than "portion" in this statistical context.
"the lowest rates were recorded among women over 40" -> "the lowest rates were observed among women over 40"
Explanation: "Observed" is a more formal term than "recorded," which is better suited for academic writing.
"had by far the highest birth rate" -> "exhibited the highest birth rate by a significant margin"
Explanation: "Exhibited" maintains formal tone, and "by a significant margin" provides clarity and precision regarding the degree of difference.
"had much lower birth rates" -> "exhibited considerably lower birth rates"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is more formal, and "considerably" provides a clearer quantitative comparison than "much."
"the birth rate for women aged 35 to 39 was significantly lower" -> "the birth rate for women aged 35 to 39 was markedly lower"
Explanation: "Markedly" is a more precise adverb than "significantly," enhancing the academic tone.
"the birth rate among women aged 25 to 29 fluctuated" -> "the birth rate among women aged 25 to 29 exhibited fluctuations"
Explanation: "Exhibited fluctuations" is a more formal construction that aligns better with academic writing standards.
"maintaining its position as the highest among all age groups" -> "retaining its status as the highest among all age groups"
Explanation: "Retaining its status" is a more formal and precise phrase than "maintaining its position," enhancing clarity and sophistication.
"experienced a sharp decline" -> "underwent a significant decline"
Explanation: "Underwent" is a more formal verb than "experienced," and "significant" is more precise than "sharp," improving the academic tone.
"Similar but less pronounced decreases were observed" -> "Comparable but less pronounced declines were noted"
Explanation: "Comparable" is a more formal synonym for "similar," and "noted" is a more academic verb than "observed."
"saw an upward trend" -> "exhibited an upward trend"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is a more formal and precise verb than "saw," which enhances the academic tone of the writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the birth rate for women in the UK between 1973 and 2008. It highlights the key features of the data, such as the consistent increase in the birth rate for women aged 30 to 39 and the decline in the birth rate for other age groups. The essay also makes relevant comparisons between the different age groups. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more specific details about the fluctuations in the birth rate for each age group.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the fluctuations in the birth rate for each age group. For example, the essay could state that the birth rate for women aged 25 to 29 fluctuated between 120 and 130 births per 1,000 women from 1978 to 2003, before finishing the period at 120 births per 1,000 women. The essay could also provide more specific information about the sharp decline in the birth rate for women aged 20 to 25, stating that it fell to just over 90 births by 2008. By providing more specific details, the essay would be more fully extended and would demonstrate a deeper understanding of the data.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. Each paragraph focuses on specific age groups and their birth rates, which helps maintain clarity. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there are instances of slight overuse, particularly in the transition between different age groups. The central topic within each paragraph is clear, but the overall flow could be enhanced with smoother transitions between ideas.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a more varied use of cohesive devices to avoid any mechanical feel. Additionally, ensuring that transitions between paragraphs are more fluid would enhance the overall coherence. Incorporating more comparative language when discussing the trends across different age groups could also strengthen the essay’s cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for some flexibility and precision in conveying the main features of the data. The writer uses less common lexical items, such as "notable," "account for," and "fluctuations," showing an awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and phrasing, such as "the lowest rates were recorded among women over 40 throughout the period," which could be more precisely articulated. Overall, while the vocabulary is adequate and mostly appropriate for the task, some inaccuracies and occasional errors prevent it from reaching a higher band.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary further, particularly by incorporating more sophisticated and precise terms. Additionally, ensuring that word choices are accurate and contextually appropriate will help minimize errors. Practicing the use of varied sentence structures and collocations can also contribute to a more natural and fluent expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences, which aligns with the criteria for Band 7. The writer effectively uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, showing good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few minor errors and awkward phrasings that detract from overall accuracy, such as "the lowest rates were recorded among women over 40 throughout the period," which could be more clearly articulated.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on minimizing errors and enhancing the clarity of complex sentences. This can be done by proofreading for grammatical accuracy and ensuring that all sentences flow logically. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of sentence structures and varying sentence lengths could further demonstrate grammatical flexibility and precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given line graph compares the birth rates of six different age groups of women in the UK between 1973 and 2008. Overall, it is notable that while the birth rate for middle-aged women (aged 30 to 39) showed a consistent increase, the other age groups experienced a decline. Despite fluctuations, women aged 25 to 29 continued to account for the largest proportion of total births, while the lowest rates were recorded among women over 40 throughout the period.

In 1973, women aged 25 to 29 had by far the highest birth rate, with approximately 140 births per 1,000 women, followed closely by women aged 20 to 25, who had nearly 130 births. In contrast, women under 20 and those aged 30 to 35 had much lower birth rates, at around 60 and 70 births per 1,000 women, respectively. The birth rate for women aged 35 to 39 was significantly lower, at 40 births, which was double that of those over 40.

From 1978 to 2003, the birth rate among women aged 25 to 29 fluctuated between 120 and 130 births before finishing the period at 120 births per 1,000 women, maintaining its position as the highest among all age groups. Meanwhile, the birth rate for women aged 20 to 25 experienced a sharp decline, falling to just over 90 births by 2008. Similar but less pronounced decreases were observed among women under 20 and those over 40, whose birth rates dropped to 40 and 10 births, respectively. In contrast, women aged 30 to 35 and 35 to 39 saw an upward trend, with their birth rates rising steadily to nearly 90 and 70 births by 2008.