The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in New Port city center from 2003-2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in New Port city center from 2003-2012.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The image presents a line graph showing the trend of three different types of thefts over a period of 10 years from 2003 to 2012. Burglary is represented by a dashed line, with figures starting at 3500 in 2003, reducing to 3000 in 2004, 2500 in 2005, unchanged in 2006, dropping to 2000 in 2007, climbing to 2500 in 2008, dropping back to 2000 in 2009, up to 2500 in 2010, and maintaining at 2500 in 2011 and 2012. Car theft is shown with a solid line, beginning at 3000 in 2003, decreasing to 2500 in 2004, 2000 in 2005, 1500 in 2006, picking up to 2000 in 2007, dropping to 1500 in 2008, rising to 2000 in 2009, declining to 1500 in 2010, and remaining at 1500 in 2011 and 2012. Robbery (theft from the person) is depicted with a dotted line, starting at 500 in 2003, rising to 1000 in 2004, maintaining at 1000 in 2005, increasing to 1500 in 2006, holding at 1500 in 2007, dropping to 1000 in 2008, spiking to 1500 in 2009, and staying at 1500 in 2010, 2011, and 2012.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"the trend of three different types of thefts" -> "the trends of three distinct categories of theft"
Explanation: "Trends" should be plural to match the three types of theft being discussed. "Distinct categories" is more precise and formal than "different types," enhancing academic tone. -
"with figures starting at 3500" -> "with initial figures recorded at 3,500"
Explanation: "Initial figures recorded" is more formal and precise than "figures starting." The use of a comma in "3,500" also adheres to standard numerical formatting in academic writing. -
"reducing to 3000 in 2004" -> "decreasing to 3,000 in 2004"
Explanation: "Decreasing" is a more formal term than "reducing," and "3,000" is formatted correctly with a comma for clarity. -
"unchanged in 2006" -> "remaining stable in 2006"
Explanation: "Remaining stable" conveys a more formal tone than "unchanged," which can sound informal. -
"climbing to 2500 in 2008" -> "increasing to 2,500 in 2008"
Explanation: "Increasing" is a more academic term than "climbing," and "2,500" is properly formatted. -
"dropping back to 2000 in 2009" -> "decreasing to 2,000 in 2009"
Explanation: "Decreasing" is a more formal and precise term than "dropping back," and "2,000" is formatted correctly. -
"up to 2500 in 2010" -> "rising to 2,500 in 2010"
Explanation: "Rising" is a more formal and appropriate term than "up to," and "2,500" is correctly formatted. -
"maintaining at 2500 in 2011 and 2012" -> "remaining constant at 2,500 in 2011 and 2012"
Explanation: "Remaining constant" is a more formal expression than "maintaining," and "2,500" is formatted correctly. -
"is shown with a solid line" -> "is represented by a solid line"
Explanation: "Represented by" is a more formal and precise phrase than "shown with," enhancing the academic tone. -
"picking up to 2000 in 2007" -> "increasing to 2,000 in 2007"
Explanation: "Increasing" is more formal than "picking up," and "2,000" is correctly formatted. -
"dropping to 1500 in 2008" -> "decreasing to 1,500 in 2008"
Explanation: "Decreasing" is a more formal term than "dropping," and "1,500" is formatted correctly. -
"rising to 2000 in 2009" -> "increasing to 2,000 in 2009"
Explanation: "Increasing" is a more formal term than "rising," and "2,000" is correctly formatted. -
"declining to 1500 in 2010" -> "decreasing to 1,500 in 2010"
Explanation: "Decreasing" is more formal than "declining," and "1,500" is formatted correctly. -
"and remaining at 1500 in 2011 and 2012" -> "and remaining constant at 1,500 in 2011 and 2012"
Explanation: "Remaining constant" is a more formal expression than "remaining at," and "1,500" is formatted correctly. -
"Robbery (theft from the person)" -> "Robbery (theft involving personal property)"
Explanation: "Theft involving personal property" provides a clearer and more formal definition than "theft from the person," enhancing precision. -
"spiking to 1500 in 2009" -> "surging to 1,500 in 2009"
Explanation: "Surging" conveys a more formal and precise description of a significant increase compared to "spiking," and "1,500" is formatted correctly. -
"and staying at 1500 in 2010, 2011, and 2012" -> "and remaining constant at 1,500 in 2010, 2011, and 2012"
Explanation: "Remaining constant" is a more formal expression than "staying at," and "1,500" is formatted correctly.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4
Band Score: 4
Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by providing a detailed description of the data in the chart. However, it fails to provide an overview of the main features or make comparisons between the different types of crime. The essay also includes irrelevant details, such as the specific years in which the crime rates changed.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the data, such as the overall increase in robbery and the decrease in car theft. The essay should also make comparisons between the different types of crime, highlighting the similarities and differences in their trends. For example, the essay could mention that burglary and car theft both experienced a decrease in the early years of the period, while robbery showed a steady increase. Finally, the essay should avoid including irrelevant details, such as the specific years in which the crime rates changed. Instead, the essay should focus on the overall trends and patterns in the data.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas in a coherent manner, presenting a clear overall progression of the data from the graph. It effectively describes the trends in burglary, car theft, and robbery, but the cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat mechanical. The use of cohesive devices is adequate, but there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. Additionally, while the essay uses paragraphing, the organization could be improved to enhance logical flow.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the use of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between ideas. This could involve varying the types of cohesive devices used and ensuring that each paragraph clearly presents a central topic. Additionally, improving the logical organization of the information, perhaps by grouping similar trends together or summarizing key points at the end, would contribute to a clearer progression throughout the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task. It accurately describes the trends in the data presented, using appropriate terms such as "decreasing," "increasing," and "maintaining." However, the vocabulary is somewhat basic and lacks variety, which limits the overall effectiveness of the communication. There are attempts to use less common vocabulary (e.g., "depicted," "represented"), but these are not consistently successful, and there are instances of repetitive phrasing. Additionally, there are minor errors in word formation and spelling that do not impede understanding but do detract from the overall quality.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including more sophisticated and varied expressions. Using synonyms and varying sentence structures can help avoid repetition. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate minor errors in spelling and word formation will improve clarity and precision. Engaging with more complex lexical items and ensuring their correct usage in context would also elevate the essay’s overall quality.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is appropriate for a Band 6 score. While there are some grammatical errors and issues with punctuation, they do not significantly hinder communication. The writer effectively conveys the trends in the data, but the overall structure lacks variety and complexity, which limits the score.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider variety of complex sentence structures and ensure that they are used accurately. Additionally, minimizing grammatical and punctuation errors will help improve clarity and coherence. Practicing more complex sentence constructions and reviewing grammatical rules could also be beneficial.
Bài sửa mẫu
The image presents a line graph illustrating the trends of three different types of thefts over a period of 10 years, from 2003 to 2012. Burglary is represented by a dashed line, with figures starting at 3,500 in 2003 and decreasing to 3,000 in 2004. This figure further declined to 2,500 in 2005, remained unchanged in 2006, and then dropped to 2,000 in 2007. After a brief increase to 2,500 in 2008, it fell back to 2,000 in 2009, rose again to 2,500 in 2010, and maintained this level in 2011 and 2012.
Car theft is depicted with a solid line, beginning at 3,000 in 2003 and decreasing to 2,500 in 2004, followed by a further drop to 2,000 in 2005 and 1,500 in 2006. There was a slight recovery to 2,000 in 2007, but it then declined again to 1,500 in 2008. The figures rose to 2,000 in 2009, fell back to 1,500 in 2010, and remained at this level in both 2011 and 2012.
Robbery (theft from the person) is illustrated with a dotted line, starting at 500 in 2003 and rising to 1,000 in 2004. This figure remained stable at 1,000 in 2005, increased to 1,500 in 2006, and held steady at 1,500 in 2007. However, it dropped to 1,000 in 2008, spiked to 1,500 in 2009, and continued to stay at 1,500 in 2010, 2011, and 2012.
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