The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The line graph gives information about the proportion of Internet Users in the USA, Canada, Mexico from 1999 to 2009.

Overall, it is clear that the figures for the three categories all witnessed an upward trend over the given period. In addition, the highest number can be seen in the percentage of Canadian Internet Users in 2009.

looking at the graph, the percentage of American Internet Users was at around 12% in 1999, which was over twofold higher than that of Canada, at approximately 6%. The ratio in Canada increased dramatically from below 6% to below 60%, which was over 10% higher than that of the USA, over the 3-year period from 1999. After that, the number of Canadian Internet Users grew considerably from about 60% to about 100%, which was the highest among the three countries in 2009.

The proportion of Mexican Internet Users was approximately 3% in 1999. The figure ascended slightly from about 3% to about 25% over the 3-year period from 1999. After that, the number climbed gradually from about 25% to about 40% over the 6-year period from 2003.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"witnessed an upward trend" -> "experienced an upward trajectory"
Explanation: "witnessed" is commonly used, but "experienced" adds variety to the vocabulary. "Trajectory" is more precise and emphasizes the direction of the trend.
"looking at the graph" -> "Upon examining the graph"
Explanation: "Looking at" is informal. "Upon examining" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"twofold higher" -> "double"
Explanation: "Twofold" is slightly formal; "double" is simpler and more commonly used.
"dramatically" -> "significantly"
Explanation: "Dramatically" implies a sudden change, while "significantly" indicates a noteworthy change without specifying suddenness.
"over the 3-year period from 1999" -> "from 1999 to 2002"
Explanation: This change clarifies the specific years being referred to and provides a more concise expression of the timeframe.
"considerably" -> "substantially"
Explanation: "Considerably" and "substantially" both indicate a large amount, but "substantially" is slightly more formal and precise.
"highest among the three countries" -> "the highest of the three countries"
Explanation: This change improves the clarity and flow of the sentence by rearranging the phrase to "the highest of the three countries."
"ascended slightly" -> "rose marginally"
Explanation: "Ascended slightly" is a bit vague, while "rose marginally" is more precise and indicates a small increase.
"climbed gradually" -> "increased gradually"
Explanation: "Climbed" suggests a physical ascent, while "increased" is more commonly used in the context of data or numbers.
"over the 6-year period from 2003" -> "from 2003 to 2009"
Explanation: Similar to the earlier change, this alteration provides clarity regarding the specific years mentioned and streamlines the expression of the timeframe.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

[
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by summarizing the information provided in the chart. It provides an overview of the trends in Internet usage in the USA, Canada, and Mexico from 1999 to 2009. However, there are several inaccuracies and inconsistencies in the reporting of data. For instance, the essay refers to the chart as a line graph and describes the data as percentages of Internet users in different countries, which contradicts the provided chart about consumer goods expenditure. Moreover, the description of the data lacks clarity and coherence, making it difficult to follow the trends accurately.
How to improve: Focus on accurately describing the data presented in the chart without introducing contradictory information. Ensure coherence and clarity in presenting the main features and trends observed in the data. Avoid discrepancies in terminology and provide a clear comparison of the trends across the countries over the specified time period. Additionally, use appropriate language and sentence structure to enhance readability and understanding.]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a somewhat coherent manner, with a clear overall progression. It effectively uses cohesive devices, but there are instances of faulty cohesion within and/or between sentences. The essay presents a central topic within each paragraph, but the paragraphing is not always logical.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on ensuring a clearer progression of ideas. Use cohesive devices more consistently and accurately. Also, work on improving paragraph structure for better organization and flow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with some adequacy for the task. The writer conveys information about the proportions of Internet users in different countries over time but lacks variation and sophistication in vocabulary usage. Some errors in word choice and collocation are noticeable, which may slightly impede clarity.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary, especially in describing trends and making comparisons. Additionally, paying attention to word choice and collocation can help reduce errors and improve overall coherence. Practicing with a wider variety of lexical items related to data description and analysis would be beneficial.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. There is a clear attempt to use a variety of structures, but some errors in grammar and punctuation are present throughout the essay. While the essay generally communicates its points effectively, these errors occasionally hinder clarity.

How to improve: To improve, focus on refining complex sentence structures and ensuring accuracy in grammar and punctuation. Reviewing and practicing sentence formation, particularly complex sentence structures, can enhance the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes before final submission can help elevate the clarity and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph delineates the evolution of Internet Users in the USA, Canada, and Mexico from 1999 to 2009.

Overall, it is evident that there was a consistent upward trend in the percentage of Internet Users across all three countries during the specified timeframe. Notably, the highest proportion of Internet Users was observed in Canada in 2009.

Beginning with the United States, the percentage of American Internet Users stood at approximately 12% in 1999, surpassing Canada’s figure of around 6% by more than twofold. Subsequently, Canada experienced a remarkable surge from below 6% to nearly 60% over the initial three years, exceeding the USA by over 10%. This growth trajectory continued as the proportion of Canadian Internet Users surged from approximately 60% to nearly 100% by 2009, marking the highest rate among the three nations.

In contrast, Mexico began with a modest 3% of Internet Users in 1999. Over the subsequent three years, this figure experienced a slight ascent to about 25%. Subsequently, Mexican Internet usage gradually increased from approximately 25% to approximately 40% over the ensuing six years, showcasing a steady upward trajectory.