The chart below shows the number of applicants from four different countries in universities in one European country. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main points and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates the figure of students from four distinct countries who applied to universities in a specific European country during a four-year period, commencing from 2004 to 2008. All in all, China underwent a downward tendency whilst USA witnessed a skyrocketing increase in the number of applicants. Both USA and Russia saw a general growth in the chart.

As can be clearly depicted by the diagram, China started at the highest level with an estimated 27000 applicants, which is more than twice the figure of USA at 13000 people registering. Both Japan and Russia recorded especially lower rates, with just slightly over 5000 and 2000 individuals, respectively.

Nevertheless, China experienced a sharp drop to 21000 in 2005 and intersected with USA the year after. After reaching a plateau, it finally decreased to 15000 applicants at the end of the period. USA on the other hand, rapidly increased in the next 4 years. It surpassed China in 2007 and reached an astonishing amount of 26000 individuals, almost the same as China's initially. Japan overall had negligible changes, originally fell to 2000 registers but gradually rose until stopping at 4000 in 2008. Russia's modifications were also insignificant, stabilizing two separate times until the last year when it had a small increase to approximately 3500 applicants.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar chart illustrates the figure of students" -> "The bar chart depicts the number of students"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise term than "illustrates" in this context, and "number of students" is more specific than "figure of students," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"All in all" -> "Overall"
Explanation: "All in all" is a colloquial expression that can be replaced with "Overall" for a more formal tone in academic writing.
"skyrocketing increase" -> "marked increase"
Explanation: "Skyrocketing" is an emotional and informal term. "Marked" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term to describe significant changes.
"Both USA and Russia saw a general growth" -> "Both the USA and Russia exhibited general growth"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is a more formal verb than "saw," which is somewhat informal and less precise in this context.
"As can be clearly depicted by the diagram" -> "As the diagram clearly illustrates"
Explanation: "As the diagram clearly illustrates" is a more concise and formal way to introduce the information depicted in the diagram.
"especially lower rates" -> "significantly lower rates"
Explanation: "Significantly" is more precise and formal than "especially" in academic writing, emphasizing the extent of the difference.
"just slightly over" -> "slightly more than"
Explanation: "Slightly more than" is a more formal and precise way to express the comparison.
"intersected with" -> "paralleled"
Explanation: "Intersected" is not typically used to describe a comparison of trends over time. "Paralleled" is more appropriate for describing similar patterns in data.
"rapidly increased" -> "experienced a significant increase"
Explanation: "Experienced a significant increase" is more formal and provides a clearer description of the nature of the change.
"an astonishing amount of" -> "a substantial number of"
Explanation: "A substantial number of" is more formal and less sensational than "an astonishing amount of," which is too emotional for academic writing.
"negligible changes" -> "minimal fluctuations"
Explanation: "Minimal fluctuations" is a more precise term that better describes small, but not insignificant, changes in data.
"originally fell to 2000 registers" -> "initially decreased to 2000 applicants"
Explanation: "Initially decreased" is more formal and accurate than "originally fell," which is somewhat informal and less precise.
"gradually rose until stopping at" -> "gradually increased to"
Explanation: "Increased to" is a more direct and formal way to describe the progression of data, eliminating the unnecessary word "stopping."
"small increase to approximately 3500 applicants" -> "modest increase to approximately 3500 applicants"
Explanation: "Modest" is a more formal adjective than "small," enhancing the academic tone of the description.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task. It presents an overview of the information in the chart, selecting and reporting the main points. The essay also makes some comparisons, as requested. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay states that China experienced a sharp drop in 2005, but it does not provide any specific figures to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details and figures to support the main points. For example, the essay could state that China’s number of applicants dropped from 27,000 in 2004 to 21,000 in 2005, a decrease of 6,000. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying that USA witnessed a skyrocketing increase, the essay could say that USA’s number of applicants increased significantly.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization and clear progression of ideas. It begins with an introductory overview and provides a structured comparison of applicant numbers from different countries over a four-year period. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct country’s trends, maintaining coherence and clarity throughout. The use of cohesive devices is generally appropriate, though there are minor instances where the connection between sentences could be smoother. Overall, the essay effectively manages paragraphing to support the flow of information and ideas.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion towards a higher band score:

Ensure all sentences within paragraphs connect logically and smoothly.
Use a wider range of cohesive devices consistently throughout the essay.
Double-check referencing and pronoun use for clarity, especially in complex sentences.
Maintain a consistent level of paragraphing logic and structure throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task. It includes terms like "downward tendency," "skyrocketing increase," "intersected," "plateau," and "negligible changes," which contribute to the clarity and coherence of the writing. Some less common vocabulary is attempted, though there are instances where word choice could be more precise ("figure of students," "especially lower rates"). There are occasional errors in word formation and spelling ("summerise," "witnessed a skyrocketing increase"), but these do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To improve to a higher band score, aim for greater variety and accuracy in vocabulary usage. Use more sophisticated lexical items consistently and accurately. Pay closer attention to word formation and spelling to minimize errors that can occasionally disrupt the flow of the essay. Additionally, work on enhancing the precision and appropriateness of lexical choices throughout the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of both simple and complex sentence structures throughout. There is an attempt to use a variety of sentence forms, including compound and complex structures, which helps convey the information effectively. However, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation that, while not severely affecting communication, are frequent enough to prevent a higher score. For instance, there are issues with tense consistency ("All in all, China underwent… whilst USA witnessed…"), and errors in number agreement ("Japan overall had negligible changes, originally fell to 2000 registers but gradually rose…"). Despite these errors, the essay generally maintains clarity and coherence in presenting the data.

How to improve:
To improve the score:

Grammar and Punctuation: Focus on achieving greater accuracy in grammar and punctuation. Review and revise to ensure consistency in verb tense and agreement, and pay attention to the correct use of commas and conjunctions.
Sentence Variety: Continue to expand the range of sentence structures used. Introduce more complex sentences with accurate use of subordinate clauses to enhance clarity and sophistication.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score by demonstrating more accurate and varied use of grammar and sentence structures.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart illustrates the number of university applicants from four distinct countries (China, USA, Japan, and Russia) in a specific European country over the period from 2004 to 2008.

Initially, China had the highest number of applicants, starting at approximately 27,000, which was more than twice the number from the USA, standing at around 13,000. Japan and Russia had notably lower figures, with just over 5,000 and around 2,000 applicants, respectively.

Over the following years, China experienced a significant decline to 21,000 applicants in 2005, dropping further to 15,000 by the end of the period. In contrast, the USA saw a rapid increase, surpassing China in 2007 and peaking at 26,000 applicants in 2008, nearly matching China’s initial numbers. Japan had minimal fluctuations, starting at 5,000 applicants and ending at 4,000 by 2008. Russia’s numbers remained relatively stable, with minor increases, reaching around 3,500 applicants by the end of the period.

Overall, while China saw a decline, the USA experienced substantial growth in university applicants during the specified timeframe.