The chart below shows the number of different kinds of vehicles registered in Europe from 1996 to 2006.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart delineates the numebr of people working in five kinds of task between 2001 and 2008.
Overall, sales has the highest number of employers, while farming was the lowest in two years, and the number of people who worked others job were nearly the same.
In 2001, the number of people who earn a livelihood as a seller was roughly 155,000 people, five times higher than those who worked in farming. While the number of people who worked as a accountant was slightly higher than those worked in computing and nursing, with approximately 65,000 compared to nearly 60,000 people.
Turning to 2008, the number of people who worked in sales was consistently higher than others task with over 160,000 people contrasting with farming which recorded nearly 20,000 employers. However, the average of computing employers surpassed accounting and nurse with nearly 80,000, while the number of accounting and nursing were nearly the same with roughly 60,000.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"numebr" -> "number"
Explanation: This is a typographical error that needs correction for clarity and professionalism.
"sales has the highest number of employers" -> "sales had the highest number of employees"
Explanation: "Employers" refers to those who hire, while "employees" refers to those who work. The past tense "had" is also appropriate since the data pertains to a specific time frame.
"farming was the lowest in two years" -> "farming had the lowest number of employees in both years"
Explanation: This revision clarifies that "farming" refers to employment numbers and specifies that it applies to both years, enhancing precision.
"the number of people who worked others job" -> "the number of people who worked in other jobs"
Explanation: "Others job" is grammatically incorrect. "Other jobs" is the correct plural form, improving clarity.
"earn a livelihood as a seller" -> "earned a livelihood as a salesperson"
Explanation: "Earn" should be in the past tense "earned" to match the context, and "salesperson" is a more formal and precise term than "seller."
"five times higher than those who worked in farming" -> "five times greater than the number of individuals employed in farming"
Explanation: "Greater" is a more precise term than "higher" when comparing quantities, and "the number of individuals employed" adds clarity and formality.
"the number of people who worked as a accountant" -> "the number of individuals who worked as an accountant"
Explanation: "A accountant" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "an accountant." Additionally, "individuals" is a more formal term than "people."
"those worked in computing and nursing" -> "those who worked in computing and nursing"
Explanation: The phrase is missing the relative pronoun "who," which is necessary for grammatical correctness.
"the number of people who worked in sales was consistently higher than others task" -> "the number of individuals who worked in sales was consistently higher than in other tasks"
Explanation: "Others task" is grammatically incorrect; "in other tasks" is the correct form. Additionally, "individuals" maintains a formal tone.
"contrasting with farming which recorded nearly 20,000 employers" -> "in contrast to farming, which recorded nearly 20,000 employees"
Explanation: "Contrasting with" is less formal than "in contrast to," and "employees" is the correct term as previously noted.
"the average of computing employers surpassed accounting and nurse" -> "the average number of employees in computing surpassed that of accounting and nursing"
Explanation: "Average of computing employers" is vague; "average number of employees in computing" is clearer. Additionally, "nursing" should be used to maintain parallel structure.
"while the number of accounting and nursing were nearly the same" -> "while the numbers of accounting and nursing were nearly the same"
Explanation: "Number" should be pluralized to "numbers" to match the plural subjects "accounting and nursing."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay does not fully address the task. The essay does not provide an overview of the main features of the chart. The essay also does not make comparisons where relevant. The essay focuses on details rather than the overall trends.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing an overview of the main features of the chart. The essay could also be improved by making comparisons between the different types of vehicles. For example, the essay could state that the number of cars registered in Europe increased significantly between 1996 and 2006, while the number of motorcycles registered decreased. The essay could also provide more specific details about the trends in the chart. For example, the essay could state that the number of cars registered in Europe increased by 20% between 1996 and 2006.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare different job sectors, the transitions between ideas are not smooth, leading to a somewhat disjointed flow. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the comparisons being made. Additionally, the paragraphing is not consistently logical, as some ideas are presented in a way that does not clearly delineate the different categories of employment.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by using clearer transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Employing a wider range of cohesive devices accurately will help in linking ideas more effectively. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that information is presented in a more structured manner will contribute to a better overall progression of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about the number of people working in various sectors, there are noticeable errors in word choice (e.g., "numebr" instead of "number," "others job" instead of "other jobs"), spelling (e.g., "employers" instead of "employees"), and grammatical structure. These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message. Additionally, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, lacking the variety and sophistication expected at higher band levels.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise terms related to the topic. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct spelling and grammatical errors would improve clarity. Using less common lexical items accurately and practicing collocations would also contribute to a more sophisticated use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors, such as "numebr," "sales has," and "those worked," detract from clarity. The errors in subject-verb agreement and incorrect word forms can cause difficulty for the reader, indicating that the control of grammar and punctuation is not sufficiently strong.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of sentence structures, incorporating more complex sentences while ensuring accuracy. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors would enhance clarity. Practicing the use of varied vocabulary and ensuring subject-verb agreement will also contribute to a more polished and coherent essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart delineates the number of people working in five different types of occupations between 2001 and 2008. Overall, sales had the highest number of employees, while farming recorded the lowest figures in both years. Additionally, the number of people employed in other jobs remained relatively stable.

In 2001, the number of individuals earning a livelihood as sellers was approximately 155,000, which was five times higher than those working in farming. Meanwhile, the number of people employed as accountants was slightly higher than those in computing and nursing, with around 65,000 compared to nearly 60,000 individuals.

Turning to 2008, the number of people working in sales consistently exceeded that of other occupations, with over 160,000 employees, in contrast to farming, which recorded nearly 20,000 workers. However, the average number of computing employees surpassed that of accounting and nursing, reaching nearly 80,000, while the figures for accounting and nursing were nearly identical, at roughly 60,000 each.