The chart below shows the number of French adults whose parents spoke a French regional language to them when they were children and the number who speak a French regional language to heir own.
The chart below shows the number of French adults whose parents spoke a French regional language to them when they were children and the number who speak a French regional language to heir own.
The first chart illustrates how many adults who have been nurtured by parent spoke a French regional speech, by comparison to the number people in second chart who talked a French regional sound to their own progency Overall, the proportion of parents who use mother tounges is the majority with both habitually and occasionally. Especially, the Cossican language accounts for the most.
According to the first graph, both Alsation language and Occitan language have the same total by 600 thousand of people whose parents spoke habitually to their own childsen. Following by Breton accent about 300 thousand, Crede and Corsican around 200 thousand, respectively. Otherwise, parents who use Occitan language occasionally increased sharply and became the highest rate while Alsatian significant decreased to just over 200 thousand. thousand. Besides, the Creole and Corsican had the lowest level at about 100 thousand.
As can be seen from the second chart, the Alsation language which was used by adults was the first rank at 400 thousand. Meanwhile, spoken Language was Occitan about 250 thousand people and Breton, Create, Cossican are in order by 100 thousand, 90 thousand, 70 thousand, respectively. However compared to people whose parents spoke a native language, the number of those who used regional language was lower.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"nurtured by parent" -> "nurtured by their parents"
Explanation: Adding "their" corrects the possessive form, ensuring grammatical accuracy and clarity in the sentence structure. -
"number people" -> "number of people"
Explanation: Adding "of" corrects the prepositional error, making the phrase grammatically correct and more formal. -
"talked a French regional sound to their own progency" -> "spoke French regional dialects to their own offspring"
Explanation: Replacing "talked a French regional sound" with "spoke French regional dialects" corrects the verb tense and specificity, and "offspring" is a more formal and precise term than "progency." -
"mother tounges" -> "mother tongues"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error in "tounges" to "tongues," ensuring accuracy and professionalism. -
"habitually and occasionally" -> "habitually and occasionally"
Explanation: This is a typographical error; the word "and" should not be repeated. -
"Cossican" -> "Corsican"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error in "Cossican" to "Corsican," ensuring accuracy and professionalism. -
"childsen" -> "children"
Explanation: Corrects the plural form "childsen" to "children," which is the correct form. -
"Following by Breton accent" -> "Following Breton accent"
Explanation: Removes the incorrect preposition "by," which is not needed in this context. -
"Crede" -> "Creole"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error in "Crede" to "Creole," ensuring accuracy and professionalism. -
"significant decreased" -> "significantly decreased"
Explanation: Adds the adverb "significantly" to correct the adverbial form, enhancing the sentence’s grammatical correctness and formality. -
"thousand. thousand" -> "thousand"
Explanation: Removes the unnecessary repetition of "thousand," correcting the punctuation and maintaining clarity. -
"spoken Language" -> "spoken languages"
Explanation: Corrects the noun form to "languages" to match the plural context. -
"Create" -> "Creole"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error in "Create" to "Creole," ensuring accuracy and professionalism. -
"Cossican" -> "Corsican"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error in "Cossican" to "Corsican," ensuring accuracy and professionalism. -
"was lower" -> "was lower than"
Explanation: Adds "than" to complete the comparative structure, enhancing clarity and grammatical correctness.
These corrections and improvements enhance the formal tone, grammatical accuracy, and clarity of the essay, aligning it with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by comparing the number of adults whose parents spoke a French regional language to the number who speak one themselves. However, the response is vague and lacks clarity in distinguishing between the two charts. The phrases used, such as "the first chart" and "the second chart," are not specific enough, and the essay fails to clearly outline the key data points from both charts. This results in an incomplete response to the task, as it does not provide a comprehensive overview of the information presented.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should explicitly state the main trends and comparisons between the two charts. Using clear headings or structured paragraphs to separate the analysis of each chart would help. Additionally, summarizing the key figures and trends in a more organized manner would enhance clarity and ensure all parts of the question are answered.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear position or thesis statement that guides the reader through the analysis. While it mentions the majority of parents using their mother tongues, it does not consistently refer back to this point throughout the essay. The overall argument is muddled, making it difficult for the reader to follow the writer’s intent.
- How to improve: Establishing a clear thesis statement in the introduction would help set the tone for the essay. The writer should consistently refer back to this position in each paragraph, ensuring that all points made support the thesis. Using transition phrases can also help maintain a cohesive argument throughout the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the data, but they are not well-developed or supported. For instance, the mention of "the Cossican language accounts for the most" is vague and lacks context or explanation. The writer fails to extend the ideas by discussing the implications of the data or providing insights into why certain trends may exist.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation of ideas, the writer should elaborate on each point made, providing context and analysis. For example, discussing why certain languages have higher usage rates or what factors might influence these trends would add depth. Additionally, using specific data points to support claims would strengthen the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, but there are instances of unclear phrasing that detract from the focus. For example, terms like "talked a French regional sound to their own progency" are confusing and could lead the reader to misinterpret the intended meaning. The lack of clarity in language can distract from the main topic of the charts.
- How to improve: The writer should aim for clearer and more precise language to enhance focus. Avoiding jargon or overly complex phrases will help maintain clarity. Additionally, ensuring that each sentence contributes directly to the analysis of the charts will help keep the essay on topic.
In summary, to improve the essay’s score for Task Response, the writer should focus on clearly answering all parts of the prompt, establishing a consistent position, developing and supporting ideas more thoroughly, and maintaining clarity and focus throughout the response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents information from two charts comparing the number of adults whose parents spoke a French regional language to the number who speak one to their own children. The organization is somewhat logical, as it introduces the first chart and then the second. However, the transitions between ideas could be clearer. For example, the introduction mentions "the first chart" but does not clearly delineate the comparison with the second chart until later in the essay. This can confuse readers about which data is being referenced at any given time.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state what will be discussed. For instance, start the second paragraph with a statement like, "The first chart shows the number of adults whose parents spoke a regional language." This will help readers follow the progression of ideas more easily. Additionally, summarizing the main findings before transitioning to the next point can help maintain clarity.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure could be improved. The first paragraph attempts to summarize both charts but lacks a clear separation of ideas. The second paragraph discusses the first chart, but the transition to the second chart is abrupt and not well-defined. This can lead to confusion about where one idea ends and another begins.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. For example, dedicate one paragraph to discussing the first chart and another to the second. Use a concluding sentence at the end of each paragraph to summarize the main point before moving on to the next idea. This will help create a more cohesive structure throughout the essay.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "according to" and "as can be seen from," which help link ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas are weak. For example, phrases like "Following by" and "However compared to" are not used correctly, which detracts from the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "furthermore," "on the other hand," and "conversely." This will help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensure that all cohesive devices are used correctly; for instance, "followed by" would be more appropriate than "following by."
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents relevant information, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied terms related to the topic, such as "nurtured," "habitually," and "occasionally." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice, particularly with terms like "language" and "thousand." For example, the phrases "French regional speech" and "French regional sound" are somewhat redundant and could be expressed more diversely.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should consider using synonyms and related terms more effectively. For instance, instead of repeating "language," they could use "dialect," "tongue," or "linguistic variety." Additionally, incorporating more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the text. For example, instead of saying "the highest rate," one could say "the most significant increase."
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage in the essay. Phrases such as "nurtured by parent" should be "nurtured by their parents," and "talked a French regional sound" is awkward and unclear; "spoke a French regional language" would be more appropriate. Furthermore, terms like "progency" are misspelled and should be "progeny," which detracts from clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should double-check word forms and collocations. Using a thesaurus can help find more suitable words, but it is crucial to ensure that the chosen words fit the context. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and correctness will also help in this area.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "tounges" instead of "tongues," "childsen" instead of "children," and "Cossican" instead of "Corsican." These errors can confuse the reader and detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps using flashcards for commonly misspelled words. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or using spell-check tools can help catch errors before submission. Reading more extensively can also aid in familiarizing oneself with correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates some strengths in vocabulary usage, there are notable weaknesses in precision, spelling, and range that need to be addressed for a higher band score in Lexical Resource.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of simple sentences is predominant, such as "The first chart illustrates how many adults who have been nurtured by parent spoke a French regional speech." While there are some attempts at more complex structures, such as "the proportion of parents who use mother tounges is the majority with both habitually and occasionally," these are often awkwardly phrased and lack clarity. The essay also tends to repeat certain phrases and structures, which reduces the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those using subordinate clauses (e.g., "Although the Alsatian language was the most spoken, the number of speakers has decreased over time"). Additionally, varying the sentence beginnings and using different conjunctions can help create a more dynamic flow. Practicing the construction of complex sentences and integrating them into the essay will improve the overall grammatical range.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "who have been nurtured by parent" should be corrected to "who have been nurtured by their parents." The term "mother tounges" is a misspelling and should be "mother tongues." Additionally, the phrase "Following by Breton accent about 300 thousand" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "Followed by the Breton accent, which has about 300 thousand speakers." There are also instances of missing commas, such as in "the number people in second chart," which should read "the number of people in the second chart."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work to catch common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and proper noun usage. It may be helpful to review basic grammar rules and practice writing sentences that adhere to these rules. Additionally, using punctuation correctly to separate clauses and items in a list will enhance readability. Engaging in exercises that focus on common grammatical structures and punctuation rules can also be beneficial.
In summary, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should work on diversifying their sentence structures and ensuring grammatical and punctuation accuracy. Regular practice and targeted exercises can significantly improve these areas.
Bài sửa mẫu
The first chart illustrates how many adults have been nurtured by their parents who spoke a French regional language, in comparison to the number of people in the second chart who spoke a French regional dialect to their own children. Overall, the proportion of parents who use mother tongues is the majority, both habitually and occasionally. Especially, the Corsican language accounts for the most.
According to the first graph, both Alsatian and Occitan languages have the same total of 600 thousand people whose parents spoke habitually to their own children. Following this are the Breton accent with about 300 thousand, and Creole and Corsican at around 200 thousand, respectively. Additionally, parents who use the Occitan language occasionally increased sharply and reached the highest rate, while Alsatian significantly decreased to just over 200 thousand. Moreover, Creole and Corsican had the lowest levels at about 100 thousand.
As can be seen from the second chart, the Alsatian language, which was used by adults, ranked first at 400 thousand. Meanwhile, the spoken language was Occitan, with about 250 thousand people, and Breton, Creole, and Corsican are in order at 100 thousand, 90 thousand, and 70 thousand, respectively. However, compared to the number of people whose parents spoke a native language, the number of those who used a regional language was lower.