The chart below shows the number of students from four different countries applying to European universities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart compares the number of students from China, Japan, the USA, and Russia who applied to European universities from 2004 to 2008.
Overall, most students in the USA, and Japan went to Europe for higher education. However, China exhibited a contrasting pattern—students from Russia, which was largely stagnant and also the lowest.
In 2004, China had the highest number of students applying to European universities with more than 25000 students. Japan and Russia recorded significantly lowest with above 5000 from the former and around 2000 from the latter.
However, China experienced a sharp decrease in students choosing European universities, with above 15000 students respectively in 2008. In contrast, students from the USA had a dramatic increase, which peaked at more than 25000 students, holding the highest position. Japan had grown significantly with 10000 students in 2008. Meanwhile, Russian students remained relatively stable at around 2,000, remaining the lowest.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar chart compares" -> "The bar chart illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "compares," as it suggests a detailed and informative presentation of data, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"who applied to European universities" -> "who applied to universities in Europe"
Explanation: "Universities in Europe" is more specific and avoids the redundancy of "European universities," which is redundant given the context of the chart.
"most students in the USA, and Japan" -> "the majority of students from the USA and Japan"
Explanation: Adding "from" clarifies the origin of the students, and "the majority of" is a more precise term than "most" in academic writing.
"exhibited a contrasting pattern—students from Russia, which was largely stagnant and also the lowest" -> "displayed a contrasting pattern, with Russian student numbers remaining largely stagnant and the lowest"
Explanation: Removing "which" and rephrasing to "Russian student numbers" clarifies the subject and enhances the formal tone. The phrase "remaining largely stagnant and the lowest" is more precise and formal than the original.
"had the highest number of students applying to European universities with more than 25000 students" -> "had the highest number of students applying to European universities, exceeding 25,000"
Explanation: "Exceeding 25,000" is more precise and formal than "more than 25000," and removing "with" before the number improves the sentence structure.
"recorded significantly lowest" -> "recorded significantly fewer"
Explanation: "Fewer" is the correct comparative form for countable nouns like "students," whereas "lowest" is an adjective and incorrectly used here.
"above 5000 from the former" -> "more than 5,000 from the former"
Explanation: "More than" is more formal and precise than "above," and using digits instead of words for numbers is preferred in academic writing.
"above 15000 students respectively" -> "approximately 15,000 students each"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise than "above," and "each" is clearer than "respectively" in this context.
"dramatic increase" -> "significant increase"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term than "dramatic," which can carry emotional connotations.
"holding the highest position" -> "maintaining the highest position"
Explanation: "Maintaining" is more specific and appropriate in describing a continuous state, fitting better in an academic context.
"had grown significantly" -> "experienced significant growth"
Explanation: "Experienced significant growth" is more formal and precise, aligning better with academic style.
"remaining relatively stable at around 2,000" -> "remaining relatively stable at approximately 2,000"
Explanation: "Approximately" is preferred over "around" for academic precision, and it is more formal than "at."

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing an overview of the main trends in the data. However, the essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also presents key features/bullet points but does not fully extend them.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. For example, the essay could state that the number of students from China applying to European universities decreased significantly between 2004 and 2008, while the number of students from the USA increased significantly. The essay could also provide more detail about the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay could state that the number of students from China applying to European universities decreased from over 25,000 in 2004 to just over 15,000 in 2008. The essay could also state that the number of students from the USA applying to European universities increased from just over 10,000 in 2004 to over 25,000 in 2008.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner with a clear overall progression. The main features of the bar chart are summarized, and comparisons are made between the countries. However, there are instances of mechanical cohesion, such as the repetitive use of "students" and "applying," which detracts from the fluidity of the writing. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, it is not always logical, particularly in the transition between ideas. The referencing could also be clearer to enhance understanding.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on varying their vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhance the richness of the text. Improving the logical flow between paragraphs and ensuring that each paragraph clearly addresses a single topic will strengthen coherence. Additionally, using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately can help create smoother transitions and connections between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "exhibited a contrasting pattern" and "which was largely stagnant and also the lowest," which could be expressed more clearly. There are also some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that detract from the overall clarity. While the vocabulary is sufficient to convey the main ideas, it lacks the precision and flexibility expected at higher band levels.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision. This includes selecting more appropriate synonyms and avoiding repetitive phrases. Additionally, improving collocation and ensuring correct word forms will help in achieving a higher score. Practicing with more complex sentence structures and integrating less common lexical items accurately will also be beneficial.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of Band 6. While it conveys the main features of the chart and makes some comparisons, there are noticeable grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "exhibited a contrasting pattern" and "which was largely stagnant and also the lowest" could be clearer. Additionally, there are issues with punctuation and sentence structure, such as "with above 15000 students respectively in 2008," which could lead to confusion about the intended meaning. Overall, the essay communicates the information but lacks the level of accuracy and range required for a higher band score.

How to improve:

Increase Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to enhance the overall grammatical range.
Focus on Clarity: Ensure that each sentence clearly conveys its intended meaning without ambiguity. Avoid overly complex phrases that may confuse the reader.
Proofread for Errors: Take time to review the essay for grammatical and punctuation errors. Minor slips can be corrected to improve the overall accuracy.
Use Transitional Phrases: Improve coherence by using transitional phrases to connect ideas more smoothly, which can also help in making comparisons clearer.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart compares the number of students from China, Japan, the USA, and Russia who applied to European universities from 2004 to 2008. Overall, most students from the USA and Japan pursued higher education in Europe. However, China exhibited a contrasting pattern, while students from Russia remained largely stagnant and had the lowest numbers.

In 2004, China had the highest number of students applying to European universities, with more than 25,000 students. Japan and Russia recorded significantly lower figures, with just over 5,000 students from Japan and around 2,000 from Russia.

However, China experienced a sharp decrease in the number of students choosing European universities, falling to just above 15,000 students by 2008. In contrast, students from the USA saw a dramatic increase, peaking at more than 25,000 students, thus maintaining the highest position. Japan also grew significantly, reaching 10,000 students in 2008. Meanwhile, the number of Russian students remained relatively stable at around 2,000, continuing to be the lowest.