The chart below shows the percentage change in total crime arrests for persons under 18 by locality. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage change in total crime arrests for persons under 18 by locality.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line chart given compares the proportion of people under 18 who committed crime in three areas, namely suburban, rural and urban between 1995 and 1998.

It is clear to see that the percentage of criminals decreased in each area over the period shown. Overall, a dramatic fluctuation was seen in suburban while urban witnessed the lowest figure for crime arrests.

In 1995, the number of people committed crime in rural was about 3% while that amount in urban and suburban were lower, at nearly 1% and 2% respectively. The figure for criminal in suburban reached a peak in 1996 with over 8% then fell dramatically to just nearly -2% in the year 1997, while the proportion of rural and urban dropped simultaneously.

By 1998, the highest ( deleted "highest" ) percentage of juvenile crime was highest in suburban, at 0%, compared to only -2% in rural and around -4% in urban.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The line chart given" -> "The line chart provided"
   Explanation: "Provided" is a more formal and precise term than "given" in academic writing, enhancing the professionalism of the introduction.

2. "people under 18 who committed crime" -> "individuals under 18 who committed crimes"
   Explanation: "Individuals" is a more formal term than "people," and "committed crimes" is grammatically correct and more precise than "committed crime," which is singular and less appropriate in this context.

3. "dramatic fluctuation" -> "significant fluctuation"
   Explanation: "Dramatic" can imply emotional connotation, which is not suitable for academic writing. "Significant" is neutral and maintains the formal tone required for academic discourse.

4. "witnessed the lowest figure for crime arrests" -> "recorded the lowest crime arrest rates"
   Explanation: "Recorded" is more specific and formal than "witnessed," which is more commonly used in non-technical contexts. "Crime arrest rates" is a more precise term than "crime arrests," which is vague and less commonly used in formal writing.

5. "the number of people committed crime" -> "the number of individuals committing crimes"
   Explanation: "The number of individuals committing crimes" corrects the grammatical error in the original and uses a more formal structure, enhancing clarity and correctness.

6. "that amount in urban and suburban were lower" -> "those in urban and suburban were lower"
   Explanation: "That amount" is incorrect and imprecise. "Those" correctly refers back to the previously mentioned numbers, improving clarity and grammatical accuracy.

7. "the figure for criminal in suburban" -> "the figures for criminal activity in suburban"
   Explanation: "The figure for criminal" is grammatically incorrect and vague. "The figures for criminal activity" corrects this and provides a clearer, more formal expression.

8. "fell dramatically to just nearly -2%" -> "dropped significantly to nearly -2%"
   Explanation: "Fell dramatically" is an idiom and too informal for academic writing. "Dropped significantly" is more precise and appropriate for formal analysis.

9. "the highest ( deleted "highest" ) percentage of juvenile crime was highest" -> "the highest percentage of juvenile crime was the highest"
   Explanation: The original sentence is redundant and awkwardly phrased. The revised version removes redundancy and improves readability and formality.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the chart, including the general trend of decreasing crime rates in all three areas. It also highlights some key features, such as the peak in suburban crime in 1996 and the lowest figure for urban crime arrests. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the statement that the highest percentage of juvenile crime was in suburban in 1998 is inaccurate, as the chart shows that rural had the highest percentage.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed and accurate information about the key features of the chart. For example, the essay could state that suburban crime rates decreased dramatically from 1996 to 1997, while rural and urban crime rates decreased more gradually. The essay could also provide more specific data points to support its claims. For example, the essay could state that suburban crime rates decreased from over 8% in 1996 to just under -2% in 1997.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents some information with a degree of organization; however, it lacks overall progression and clarity in its structure. While there are attempts to compare the data, the use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, which detracts from the coherence of the essay. The central topics within paragraphs are not clearly defined, and the references to data are sometimes unclear or incorrectly stated.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly structuring paragraphs with distinct central topics. Each paragraph should logically flow from one idea to the next, using a variety of cohesive devices appropriately. Additionally, ensuring accurate data representation and avoiding inaccuracies in figures will help improve clarity. Using linking words and phrases effectively can also aid in guiding the reader through the argument or description.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the data, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks precision. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "the number of people committed crime" instead of "the number of people committing crime," and inaccuracies in the use of terms like "proportion of criminals" and "the highest percentage of juvenile crime was highest." Additionally, spelling and grammatical errors, such as "nearly -2%" and "the figure for criminal," detract from clarity and coherence. These issues may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended message.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise terms related to crime statistics and trends. Using synonyms and less common lexical items could help convey meanings more effectively. Additionally, attention to grammatical accuracy and proper word forms is essential; for instance, ensuring that verbs are used correctly and that nouns are appropriately pluralized. Practicing writing with a focus on collocation and context can also improve the overall fluency and flexibility of vocabulary use.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentence forms. While there are attempts at complex sentences, they often lack accuracy and clarity. Frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect word forms ("the number of people committed crime" should be "the number of people committing crime") and awkward phrasing ("the proportion of rural and urban dropped simultaneously"), hinder effective communication. Punctuation errors also appear, which may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the text. Overall, while the essay conveys the main ideas, the grammatical inaccuracies significantly impact the clarity and coherence of the writing.
How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences. Additionally, careful proofreading to identify and correct grammatical errors and awkward phrasing would improve clarity. Practicing the use of accurate verb forms and ensuring proper punctuation will also contribute to a higher band score. Engaging with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on writing can further aid in developing these skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line chart given compares the proportion of people under 18 who committed crimes in three areas, namely suburban, rural, and urban, between 1995 and 1998.

It is clear that the percentage of criminals decreased in each area over the period shown. Overall, a dramatic fluctuation was observed in the suburban area, while urban areas witnessed the lowest figures for crime arrests.

In 1995, the percentage of people committing crimes in rural areas was about 3%, while the figures for urban and suburban areas were lower, at nearly 1% and 2% respectively. The figure for crime in suburban areas reached a peak in 1996 at over 8%, then fell dramatically to just nearly 2% in 1997, while the proportions in rural and urban areas dropped simultaneously.

By 1998, the percentage of juvenile crime was highest in suburban areas at 0%, compared to only 2% in rural areas and around 4% in urban areas.