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The chart below shows the percentage of a drug company’s total sales, by region, from 2002 to 2006.

The chart below shows the percentage of a drug company's total sales, by region, from 2002 to 2006.

The bar chart provides information on the percentage of a drug company's total sales in three regions, namely America, Europe, and Asia, between 2002 and 2006.
In general, it is evident that the rate of total sales of a drug company in America and Europe experienced a downward trend while the rate of that in Asia increased during over the years. Additionally, increasing numbers in Asia seemed to be pushing for the top spot in total sales rate.
In 2002, American region where had the highest percentage of a drug manufacturer's total sales accounted for 41%, about twice as much as that of Asia. By 2004, the number for America decreased to 27% but then increasing by 3% in the final year. In Europe, the proportion of a drug firm's total sales witnessed a small fluctuation over the 4-year period. The rate commenced at 34% and rose minimally to 38%. However, there was a small decline in the percentage of a drug company's total sales in 2006 and this number was similar with American area, at 30%.
Even though Asia began at the smallest number with 25%, the proportion of a drug manufacturer's total sales rose consistently from 2002 to 2006. Especially, the figure for Asian region in 2006 was nearly half of total sales, showing that the drug company's sales rate was increasingly expanding in this region.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "the rate of total sales of a drug company" -> "the total sales figures of a pharmaceutical company"
    Explanation: "Rate" is vague in this context; "total sales figures" provides a clearer and more precise description. Additionally, "pharmaceutical company" is a more formal term than "drug company."

  2. "experienced a downward trend while the rate of that in Asia increased during over the years" -> "experienced a downward trend, whereas the figures for Asia increased over the same period"
    Explanation: "Whereas" is a more formal conjunction that enhances clarity. "Figures" is more precise than "rate," and "over the same period" is more concise than "during over the years."

  3. "the American region where had the highest percentage" -> "the American region, which had the highest percentage"
    Explanation: The phrase "where had" is grammatically incorrect. "Which had" correctly introduces the relative clause.

  4. "about twice as much as that of Asia" -> "approximately twice that of Asia"
    Explanation: "Approximately" is a more formal alternative to "about," and "twice that" is more concise than "twice as much as that."

  5. "the number for America decreased to 27% but then increasing by 3% in the final year" -> "the figure for America decreased to 27%, but then increased by 3% in the final year"
    Explanation: "Figure" is a more precise term than "number," and "increased" should be in the past tense to maintain consistency.

  6. "the proportion of a drug firm’s total sales witnessed a small fluctuation" -> "the proportion of a pharmaceutical firm’s total sales exhibited minor fluctuations"
    Explanation: "Exhibited" is a more formal verb than "witnessed," and "minor fluctuations" is more precise than "a small fluctuation."

  7. "there was a small decline in the percentage of a drug company’s total sales in 2006 and this number was similar with American area" -> "there was a slight decline in the percentage of a pharmaceutical company’s total sales in 2006, which was comparable to that of the American region"
    Explanation: "Slight" is a more formal term than "small," and "comparable to that of" is a more precise expression than "similar with."

  8. "Even though Asia began at the smallest number with 25%" -> "Although Asia started with the lowest figure at 25%"
    Explanation: "Although" is a more formal transition than "Even though," and "lowest figure" is clearer than "smallest number."

  9. "the proportion of a drug manufacturer’s total sales rose consistently from 2002 to 2006" -> "the proportion of a pharmaceutical manufacturer’s total sales increased steadily from 2002 to 2006"
    Explanation: "Increased steadily" is a more formal and precise way to describe consistent growth than "rose consistently."

  10. "the figure for Asian region in 2006 was nearly half of total sales" -> "the figure for the Asian region in 2006 accounted for nearly half of total sales"
    Explanation: "Accounted for" is a more precise phrase that clarifies the relationship between the figure and total sales.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the chart, but the information is not always presented in a clear and concise way. For example, the essay states that "the rate of total sales of a drug company in America and Europe experienced a downward trend" but does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also includes some irrelevant details, such as the statement that "the figure for Asian region in 2006 was nearly half of total sales." This statement is not relevant to the task, which is to describe the trends in the chart.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific data to support the claims made about the trends in the chart. The essay could also be improved by removing irrelevant details and focusing on the key features of the chart. For example, the essay could state that "the percentage of total sales in America decreased from 41% in 2002 to 27% in 2004, before increasing slightly to 30% in 2006." This statement is more concise and provides specific data to support the claim that the percentage of total sales in America decreased.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the introduction to the conclusion. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to some mechanical flow. The referencing is not always clear, particularly in the transition between ideas regarding different regions. Paragraphing is present but could be more logically structured to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can be done by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph clearly relates to the central topic. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing would help in maintaining coherence throughout the essay. More varied sentence structures could also contribute to a smoother reading experience.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, using terms like "percentage," "total sales," "downward trend," and "fluctuation." However, there are attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "commenced" and "proportion," but these are occasionally inaccurate or awkwardly phrased, which detracts from clarity. There are also some errors in word formation and spelling, such as "American region where had" (should be "where it had") and "this number was similar with American area" (should be "to the American area"). These errors do not completely impede communication but do affect the overall impression of lexical control.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with more precision and accuracy. This includes avoiding awkward phrasing and ensuring correct word forms. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions can elevate the essay’s quality. Regular practice with varied texts and feedback can help in refining vocabulary usage and reducing errors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While it conveys the main ideas effectively, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that detract from the overall clarity. For example, phrases like "the rate of total sales of a drug company in America and Europe experienced a downward trend" could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, the use of "where had the highest percentage" is grammatically incorrect and impacts the readability. Overall, the errors present do not severely hinder communication, but they do indicate a need for improvement in grammatical accuracy.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, focus on the following areas:

  1. Sentence Structure: Aim to use a wider variety of complex sentence structures accurately. Practice combining sentences and using subordinate clauses correctly.
  2. Grammar and Punctuation: Review basic grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and verb tenses. Ensure punctuation is used correctly to enhance clarity.
  3. Clarity and Precision: Work on expressing ideas more clearly and concisely. Avoid awkward phrasing and ensure that each sentence flows logically to the next.
  4. Proofreading: Always proofread your essay to catch and correct any grammatical errors or awkward constructions before submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart provides information on the percentage of a drug company’s total sales in three regions, namely America, Europe, and Asia, between 2002 and 2006. In general, it is evident that the total sales percentage of the drug company in America and Europe experienced a downward trend, while that in Asia increased over the years. Additionally, the rising figures in Asia appeared to be positioning it for the top spot in total sales.

In 2002, the American region had the highest percentage of the drug manufacturer’s total sales, accounting for 41%, which was about twice as much as that of Asia. By 2004, the figure for America decreased to 27% but then increased by 3% in the final year. In Europe, the proportion of the drug firm’s total sales witnessed slight fluctuations over the four-year period. The rate commenced at 34% and rose minimally to 38%. However, there was a small decline in the percentage of the drug company’s total sales in 2006, bringing it to a similar level as that of the American region, at 30%.

Although Asia started with the smallest figure at 25%, the proportion of the drug manufacturer’s total sales rose consistently from 2002 to 2006. Notably, the figure for the Asian region in 2006 was nearly half of the total sales, indicating that the drug company’s sales rate was increasingly expanding in this region.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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