The chart Below shows the percentage of adults of different age group in the uk who used the internet everyday form 2003-2004.

The bar chart demonstrates the proportion of adults who used the internet by diverse age groups between 2003 and 2006.
From an overall perspective, it is evident that all age brackets showed an upward trend in the percentage of people using the Internet. Moreover, the young generation spent the highest portion of their time on using the Internet, while the elderly allocated the least amount of their time.
At the beginning of the period provided, individuals aged from 16 to 24 recorded the highest, at 80%. The figures for Internet users 25-44 and 45-54 age brackets amounted to the lower percentage, at 50% and 60%, respectively. The ratio of users aged 55-64 was the lowest, at 30%, followed by over 65 age group, at 17%.
The period from 2003 to 2006 witnessed an increase in the number of the youngest group to 88%. The figures for Internet users aged 25-44 and 45-54 escalated and shared an identical share of 80%. There was a considerable rise among users aged from 55 to 64, reaching to 50% in the final year, which was twice compared to the oldest age bracket.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"From an overall perspective" -> "From a holistic perspective"
Explanation: "Holistic" implies a comprehensive view that encompasses all aspects, making it a more precise and sophisticated term than "overall."
"portion of their time on using the Internet" -> "portion of their time using the Internet"
Explanation: Removing the redundant preposition "on" makes the phrase more concise and natural.
"brackets" -> "segments"
Explanation: "Segments" is a more formal and precise term to describe divisions within a group, enhancing the clarity and professionalism of the description.
"the ratio of users" -> "the proportion of users"
Explanation: "Proportion" is more commonly used in statistical contexts to describe the relationship between parts of a whole, making it a more suitable term here than "ratio."
"escalated and shared an identical share" -> "rose to and held an equal percentage"
Explanation: "Rose to" conveys the idea of an increase more effectively than "escalated," and using "held an equal percentage" instead of "shared an identical share" avoids redundancy while maintaining clarity.
"considerable rise among users" -> "significant increase in users"
Explanation: "Significant increase" is a more precise and impactful phrase than "considerable rise," conveying the magnitude of the change more effectively.
"twice compared to" -> "twice that of"
Explanation: "Twice that of" is a more idiomatic expression to indicate a comparison between two quantities, enhancing the fluency and clarity of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in internet usage among different age groups in the UK from 2003 to 2006. It presents the key features of the data, such as the initial percentages of internet users across age groups and the subsequent changes over the specified period. The trends of increasing internet usage among all age groups are highlighted, with specific percentages mentioned for each age bracket. However, the explanation could be more fully developed, providing more insight into the significance of these trends or discussing potential factors influencing them.
How to improve:
To improve, the essay could delve deeper into the implications of the trends observed, such as the potential reasons behind the increased internet usage across all age groups or the implications for society and technology. Additionally, providing a more detailed comparison between the different age groups or discussing any notable fluctuations in usage percentages could enhance the analysis.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with a clear progression from one point to the next. Each paragraph focuses on a specific age group, providing a clear central topic within each paragraph. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases ("Moreover," "At the beginning," "The period from…"), to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Paragraphing is utilized sufficiently and appropriately, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the data presented in the chart.

How to improve:
To potentially improve coherence and cohesion to a Band 8 level, consider enhancing the variety and precision of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately to further enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, pay attention to paragraph transitions to ensure seamless progression between ideas and paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. There is effective use of vocabulary to describe the data presented in the chart, such as "proportion," "upward trend," "allocated," and "escalated." Additionally, there is an attempt to incorporate less common lexical items, like "brackets" and "ratio," which adds depth to the analysis. The essay also shows awareness of style and collocation, although there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation. For instance, "the ratio of users aged 55-64 was the lowest" could be improved by using a more precise phrase like "the proportion of users aged 55-64." Furthermore, there are minor errors in word formation and spelling, such as "form" instead of "from" and "shared an identical share," which slightly detract from the overall fluency.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on enhancing precision and accuracy in word choice and collocation. Review and revise sentences to ensure clarity and fluency, paying particular attention to minor errors in word formation and spelling. Additionally, strive to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, especially more sophisticated and less common lexical items, to elevate the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay effectively utilizes a variety of complex structures to convey information about the data presented in the chart. There is a good attempt at employing a range of sentence forms, including compound and complex sentences. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to a clear and coherent communication of ideas. However, there are a few instances of minor errors in grammar and punctuation, which do not significantly impede understanding but are noticeable.

How to improve:
To improve and potentially reach a higher band score, the writer should pay closer attention to grammatical accuracy and punctuation. While the essay demonstrates good control over grammar and punctuation overall, reducing the frequency of errors would enhance clarity and precision. Additionally, incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures could further elevate the complexity and sophistication of the essay, potentially pushing it towards a Band 8 score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of adults in various age categories who utilized the internet on a daily basis in the UK from 2003 to 2006.

Overall, it is apparent that there was a consistent upward trend in internet usage across all age groups during the specified period. Notably, younger individuals spent the most time online, while older adults devoted comparatively less time to internet activities.

At the outset of the period, individuals aged 16 to 24 had the highest internet usage rate, standing at 80%. Meanwhile, those in the age groups of 25-44 and 45-54 exhibited lower percentages of internet usage, at 50% and 60% respectively. The proportion of internet users aged 55-64 was notably lower, at 30%, with the over 65 age group recording the lowest usage rate at 17%.

Over the four-year period, there was a significant increase in internet usage among the youngest age group, reaching 88% by the end of 2006. Both the 25-44 and 45-54 age brackets experienced a substantial rise in internet usage, each reaching 80% by the final year. Notably, there was a marked increase in internet usage among individuals aged 55 to 64, reaching 50% by 2006, representing a twofold increase compared to the beginning of the period.