The chart below shows the percentage of females aged 16-25 in a particular country who participated in sports, compared with the percentage of people who watched them in 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart compares the participation rates and the viewing rates of females aged 16-25 in six particular sports in one country in the year 2000. Generally, in this country, the girls tend to like watching sports rather than playing, excluding golf and badminton. Whilst tennis was the game which had the highest number of females watching, it was basketball that women played the most and horse riding was the lowest in both categories.
In terms of watching , tennis was watched the most by women among six sports, at 60%. Slightly lower than that only around 5% was the basketball ranking in the second place. On the other hand, the other four games were quite less common for the females to watch it. The most popular in four games was gymnastics, at 20%, which was one – third of the figure for tennis and doubled the number of girls watching golf. Finally, the data for females observing badminton were the same as that for horse riding and racing.
Among six selected sports, basketball had the largest number of girls participating , at 50%. Tennis together with golf which had the percentage of 30% were the second most popular games for women to play . The other athletics that women played more than watched was badminton, with around 12%. With the data lower than 10%, gymnastics followed in the fourth place, and horse riding was the least popular for girls to participate in.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"participation rates and the viewing rates" -> "participation and viewing figures"
Explanation: Using "figures" instead of "rates" adds sophistication and clarity to the description of participation and viewing numbers.
"the girls tend to like watching sports" -> "female audiences exhibit a preference for spectatorship"
Explanation: "Tend to like watching sports" can be replaced with "exhibit a preference for spectatorship" to convey a more formal and precise tone, especially when discussing statistical data.
"Whilst tennis was the game which had the highest number of females watching" -> "Tennis boasted the highest female viewership"
Explanation: "Boasted the highest female viewership" is a more concise and dynamic phrase, enhancing the clarity and flow of the sentence.
"it was basketball that women played the most" -> "basketball emerged as the most popular sport among women"
Explanation: "Emerged as the most popular sport among women" conveys a clearer and more formal tone compared to "played the most."
"quite less common" -> "considerably less prevalent"
Explanation: "Considerably less prevalent" is a more formal and precise phrase than "quite less common," enhancing the sophistication of the description.
"which was one – third of the figure for tennis" -> "amounting to one-third of tennis’s viewership"
Explanation: "Amounting to one-third of tennis’s viewership" provides a clearer comparison between gymnastics and tennis, avoiding ambiguity.
"doubled the number of girls watching golf" -> "twice the viewership of golf among females"
Explanation: "Twice the viewership of golf among females" offers a more direct and precise comparison, enhancing clarity.
"the data for females observing badminton were the same as that for horse riding and racing" -> "The participation figures for females in badminton mirrored those for horse riding and racing"
Explanation: "Mirrored those for" is a more precise and formal way to express similarity between participation figures, improving clarity.
"basketball had the largest number of girls participating" -> "basketball boasted the highest female participation rate"
Explanation: "Boasted the highest female participation rate" adds sophistication and clarity to the description of basketball’s popularity among girls.
"The other athletics that women played more than watched was badminton" -> "Badminton stood out as the athletic pursuit favored more by female participants than spectators"
Explanation: "Stood out as the athletic pursuit favored more by female participants than spectators" offers a clearer comparison between participation and viewership preferences in badminton.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the participation and viewing rates of females aged 16-25 in six sports in the year 2000. Key features such as the popularity of watching tennis and basketball, as well as the participation rates in basketball and tennis, are highlighted.
How to improve: The essay could improve by providing more detailed comparisons between participation and viewing rates, as well as ensuring that all information is accurate and relevant. Additionally, it could extend the discussion of key features to provide a more fully developed response.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information by first introducing the topic and then providing a clear overview of the participation and viewing rates of females aged 16-25 in six specific sports in the year 2000. Each paragraph focuses on a specific sport and presents relevant data about both participation and viewing rates. The essay transitions smoothly between discussing watching and participating in sports, providing a coherent comparison of the data. Additionally, the essay uses cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases and pronouns, effectively to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, discussing either participation or viewing rates for a specific sport.
How to improve: To further improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that the essay maintains a consistent use of transition words and phrases throughout, guiding the reader through the comparison of participation and viewing rates. Additionally, consider refining sentence structure to enhance clarity and avoid repetition.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. It utilizes terms related to sports and statistical data such as "participation rates," "viewing rates," "bar chart," "percentage," and specific sports names. There are attempts to use less common vocabulary, as seen in phrases like "excluding golf and badminton" and "among six selected sports." However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings, such as "tennis together with golf," which could be better expressed. While there are minor errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the other athletics" instead of "other sports" or "athletic events," they do not significantly impede understanding.

How to improve:
To enhance lexical resource, strive for greater precision and clarity in word choice and phrasing. Avoid awkward constructions like "tennis together with golf" by using clearer language. Expand vocabulary use by incorporating a wider variety of synonyms and expressions, particularly for commonly used terms. Additionally, pay attention to grammatical structure and coherence to ensure smoother flow and more accurate expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, covering the main features of the chart. The writer attempts to present comparisons between participation and viewing rates for different sports, albeit with some inaccuracies and inconsistencies in expression. While there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation issues, they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:

Focus on sentence structure variety: Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures to enhance the complexity and coherence of the essay.
Ensure accuracy: Pay closer attention to grammar and punctuation to minimize errors and improve overall clarity.
Consistency in expression: Maintain consistency in expression throughout the essay to avoid confusion for the reader.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar chart illustrates the comparative data concerning the engagement of females aged 16-25 in six distinct sports activities, juxtaposed with the corresponding viewership percentages in a particular country during the year 2000.

Overall, it is evident that while females in this country exhibit a preference for spectating sports, there are variances in participation rates across different sports.

In terms of viewership, tennis emerges as the most popular among females, with 60% of them engaging in watching this sport. Following closely behind is basketball, with approximately 55% of females viewing it. Conversely, the remaining four sports—golf, gymnastics, badminton, and horse riding—register lower viewership rates, with gymnastics garnering the highest percentage at 20%, followed by golf at 10%. Notably, badminton and horse riding both attain a mere 5% viewership.

Turning to participation rates, basketball emerges as the most favored sport among females, with 50% actively participating. Tennis and golf trail behind, each attracting around 30% participation. Badminton follows suit, with approximately 12% of females engaging in the sport. Gymnastics records a participation rate of less than 10%, while horse riding demonstrates the least popularity, with minimal participation among females.

In summation, while tennis and basketball stand out as the frontrunners in terms of both viewership and participation among females, there exist notable disparities across the remaining sports, with varying degrees of engagement observed.