The chart below shows the percentage of households in owned and rented accommodation in England and Wales between 1918 and 2011.

The given bar chart describe the the proportion of households residing in owned and rented accommodations in England and Wales from 1918 to 2011
Overall, it is clear that the percentage of households residing in owned dwellings showed an upward trend while the opposite trend could be seen in the percentage of rented housings. By the end of the period, the number of homeowners significantly excedded the number of renters.
In 1981, housing rental peaked at nearly 80%, tripled housing ownership, which was at about 23%. Following that, there was a steady increase in ownership and a decrease in rental rates. Ownership rised by 27%, reached to 50% while rentals dropped to the same level in 1971.
These trends continued when the number of house owners reached its peak in 2001, with nearly 70%, and the number of renters continued to decline to its lowest level of about 30%. There are slight change in trends occurred between 2001 and 2011 that the percentage of renters rised slighly to 35% while the figure for homeownwers decreased to 65%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"The given bar chart describe the the proportion…" -> "The provided bar chart depicts the proportion…"
Explanation: "Given" is a bit informal in this context. "Describe" should be "describes" to match the subject-verb agreement. "The the" is repetitive and should be corrected to "the."
"while the opposite trend could be seen in the percentage of rented housings" -> "while the inverse trend was observed in the percentage of rented accommodations"
Explanation: "The opposite trend could be seen" is slightly awkward and can be replaced with "the inverse trend was observed." "Housings" should be replaced with "accommodations" for clarity and formality.
"number of homeowners significantly excedded" -> "number of homeowners significantly exceeded"
Explanation: "Excedded" is a misspelling of "exceeded."
"housing rental peaked at nearly 80%" -> "housing rental peaked at almost 80%"
Explanation: "Nearly" can be replaced with "almost" for a more advanced synonym.
"tripled housing ownership, which was at about 23%" -> "tripled housing ownership, which stood at approximately 23%"
Explanation: "Which was at about 23%" is somewhat redundant. Using "stood at" provides a clearer and more concise expression of the percentage.
"Following that, there was a steady increase in ownership and a decrease in rental rates." -> "Subsequently, there was a steady increase in ownership accompanied by a decline in rental rates."
Explanation: "Following that" is informal and can be replaced with "Subsequently." "Decrease in rental rates" is a more precise phrase than "decrease in rental," which could be interpreted differently.
"Ownership rised by 27%" -> "Ownership rose by 27%"
Explanation: "Rised" is a misspelling of "rose."
"reached to 50%" -> "reached 50%"
Explanation: "Reached to" is unnecessary; "reached" alone suffices.
"while rentals dropped to the same level in 1971." -> "while rental rates dropped to the same level as in 1971."
Explanation: "Rentals" should be replaced with "rental rates" for clarity and precision.
"the number of house owners reached its peak in 2001" -> "the number of homeowners reached its peak in 2001"
Explanation: "House owners" should be "homeowners" for correctness.
"There are slight change in trends occurred between 2001 and 2011 that the percentage of renters rised slighly to 35%" -> "There were slight changes in trends between 2001 and 2011, with the percentage of renters rising slightly to 35%"
Explanation: "There are slight change in trends occurred" is grammatically incorrect. Replacing it with "There were slight changes in trends" corrects the error. "Rised" should be replaced with "rising" to match the tense of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay covers the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the trends in household accommodation in England and Wales from 1918 to 2011. The essay clearly presents a full developed response, outlining the increasing trend in homeownership and the decreasing trend in rental accommodation. Key features and bullet points are highlighted, such as the peak in rental rates in 1981 and the subsequent increase in homeownership. However, the essay could be more fully extended, particularly in providing more detailed analysis or insights into the data.

How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more specific data points or comparisons between different time periods. Additionally, it could offer more analysis on the reasons behind the trends, such as government policies or economic factors influencing housing choices.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently with a clear overall progression. It effectively presents the trends in household accommodation over time. Each paragraph focuses on a specific time period, contributing to the logical organization. Cohesive devices are used effectively to connect ideas, although there are some instances of faulty cohesion, such as repetitive language ("percentage," "trend," "number") and awkward phrasing ("tripled housing ownership"). Additionally, there are minor issues with referencing and substitution, leading to some ambiguity.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, strive for greater variety in sentence structures and vocabulary to avoid repetitive language. Ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay. Clarify referencing and substitution to improve the clarity of ideas and relationships between them. Additionally, refine paragraphing to ensure a more logical flow of information between paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. It effectively describes the trends presented in the chart and uses vocabulary appropriate to the topic, such as "proportion," "residing," "accommodations," "upward trend," "opposite trend," "peaked," "steady increase," "dropped," "continued," "decline," "slight change," and "trends." Attempts to use less common vocabulary are made, but there are some inaccuracies and inconsistencies in word choice and collocation, such as "rised" instead of "rose," "excedded" instead of "exceeded," and "there was a steady increase in ownership" could be more precisely expressed. Some errors in spelling and word formation are present, like "rised," "excedded," and "slighly," which do not impede communication but affect the overall clarity.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, strive for more accurate and precise word choices, paying attention to verb forms, such as using "rose" instead of "rised" and "exceeded" instead of "excedded." Ensure consistency in verb tense and subject-verb agreement throughout the essay. Also, proofread for spelling errors and minor inaccuracies in word formation to improve clarity and coherence. Additionally, expanding the range of vocabulary with more varied and sophisticated lexical items would further elevate the essay’s lexical resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with a fair attempt at utilizing a variety of structures. There is a clear attempt to present information using a range of sentence types, although some sentences lack complexity. The essay communicates the main trends effectively, but there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the text, such as "the the" and "excedded." However, these errors do not significantly hinder the overall understanding of the essay.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, strive for greater variety in sentence structures, incorporating more complex constructions where appropriate. Additionally, carefully proofread the essay to correct errors in grammar and punctuation to enhance clarity and precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar chart illustrates the proportion of households residing in owned and rented accommodations in England and Wales from 1918 to 2011.

Overall, it is evident that the percentage of households residing in owned dwellings demonstrated an upward trend, while the opposite trend could be observed in the percentage of rented accommodations. By the end of the period, the number of homeowners significantly exceeded the number of renters.

In 1981, housing rental peaked at nearly 80%, which was triple the rate of housing ownership, standing at about 23%. Following this peak, there was a steady increase in ownership and a simultaneous decrease in rental rates. Ownership rose by 27%, reaching 50%, while rentals dropped to the same level as in 1971.

These trends persisted, leading to a peak in the number of house owners in 2001, with nearly 70%, while the number of renters continued to decline to its lowest level of about 30%. Between 2001 and 2011, there were slight changes in trends; the percentage of renters rose slightly to 35%, while the figure for homeowners decreased to 65%.