The chart below shows the percentage of the day working adults spent doing different activities in a particular country in 1958 and in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The given pie chart illustrates the information about how the time of the day was spent on activities by people who in the age of working in a particular region between the periods from 1958 to 2008
Overall, it seems that the increased trend tend to be surpassed others when it affects in Travelling to work, working, as well as relaxing at home. While the upward trend was true on Sleeping, Going out with friend or family. And only surprising exception in balance is Other.
In 2008, started with Working when went up slightly at 33% to 44% in the near future, which helps it remain as the highest when compared. Other like Travelling to work also matched the same roughly trend when jumped from 2% in the past to nearly significant 8% in 2008, although it is still cannot change that it being a lowest role when mentioning to the last one is Relaxing at home, when reached the peak it is own value in the whole period from 8% to 13%.
Others like Sleeping may observe the opposite trend when it decreases insignificantly to another figure when from 33% in 1958 to 42% in 2007. Contrastingly, Going out with friend/family have been experienced a dramatic decline, begins at around 19% of it is peak and reaching a disappointing number in 2008, 6%. Finally, as also the exclusive in the table, when tend to be maintained the stabilize over time which is Other with 6%

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given pie chart illustrates the information about how the time of the day was spent on activities by people who in the age of working in a particular region between the periods from 1958 to 2008" -> "The pie chart illustrates how individuals in the workforce in a specific region allocated their time between 1958 and 2008"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase to "individuals in the workforce in a specific region" clarifies the subject and eliminates redundancy. "Allocated their time" is more precise than "was spent on activities."
"the increased trend tend to be surpassed others" -> "the trend tends to surpass others"
Explanation: "Tends" is the correct form of the verb "tend" in this context, and removing "increased" corrects the grammatical structure.
"when it affects in Travelling to work, working, as well as relaxing at home" -> "in Travelling to work, working, and relaxing at home"
Explanation: Removing "when it affects" corrects the grammatical structure and eliminates redundancy. "And" is used instead of "as well as" for a more formal tone.
"While the upward trend was true on Sleeping, Going out with friend or family" -> "While the upward trend is evident in Sleeping, Going out with friends or family"
Explanation: "Is evident" is a more formal expression than "was true," and "friends or family" corrects the grammatical error in the original.
"And only surprising exception in balance is Other" -> "The only surprising exception is Other in terms of balance"
Explanation: "The only surprising exception" corrects the grammatical structure, and "in terms of balance" clarifies the context.
"started with Working when went up slightly at 33% to 44% in the near future" -> "began with Working, increasing from 33% to 44% in the near future"
Explanation: "Began with" is more precise than "started with," and "increasing" is a more formal verb than "went up."
"which helps it remain as the highest when compared" -> "which enables it to remain the highest compared"
Explanation: "Enables it to remain the highest compared" is more grammatically correct and formal.
"Other like Travelling to work also matched the same roughly trend" -> "Other, such as Travelling to work, also follows a similar trend"
Explanation: "Follows a similar trend" is more precise and formal than "matched the same roughly trend."
"although it is still cannot change that it being a lowest role" -> "although it still cannot change its position as the lowest"
Explanation: "Cannot change its position as the lowest" corrects grammatical errors and improves clarity.
"when reached the peak it is own value" -> "when it reached its peak value"
Explanation: "When it reached its peak value" corrects the grammatical structure and removes the awkward phrase "it is own value."
"Others like Sleeping may observe the opposite trend when it decreases insignificantly to another figure" -> "Others, such as Sleeping, may observe a decrease of only a small extent"
Explanation: "A decrease of only a small extent" is more precise and formal than "decreases insignificantly to another figure."
"Contrastingly, Going out with friend/family have been experienced a dramatic decline" -> "Contrastingly, Going out with friends/family has experienced a dramatic decline"
Explanation: "Has experienced" corrects the verb agreement, and "friends/family" corrects the plural form.
"reaching a disappointing number in 2008, 6%" -> "reaching a disappointing 6% in 2008"
Explanation: Removing the comma after "number" corrects the punctuation, and "a disappointing 6%" is more concise and formal.
"when tend to be maintained the stabilize over time which is Other with 6%" -> "which tends to remain stable over time, with Other at 6%"
Explanation: "Tends to remain stable" corrects the verb tense and form, and "with Other at 6%" is grammatically correct and clear.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also confuses key features/bullet points with detail. For example, the essay states that "Working" went up slightly from 33% to 44% in the near future, but it does not mention that this is a significant increase. The essay also states that "Travelling to work" jumped from 2% in the past to nearly significant 8% in 2008, but it does not mention that this is a significant increase. The essay also states that "Relaxing at home" reached the peak it is own value in the whole period from 8% to 13%, but it does not mention that this is a significant increase. The essay also states that "Sleeping" decreases insignificantly to another figure when from 33% in 1958 to 42% in 2007, but it does not mention that this is a significant decrease. The essay also states that "Going out with friend/family" have been experienced a dramatic decline, begins at around 19% of it is peak and reaching a disappointing number in 2008, 6%, but it does not mention that this is a significant decrease. The essay also states that "Other" tend to be maintained the stabilize over time which is Other with 6%, but it does not mention that this is a significant decrease.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay could also be improved by highlighting the key features/bullet points more clearly. For example, the essay could state that "Working" increased significantly from 33% to 44%, "Travelling to work" increased significantly from 2% to 8%, "Relaxing at home" increased significantly from 8% to 13%, "Sleeping" decreased significantly from 33% to 42%, "Going out with friend/family" decreased significantly from 19% to 6%, and "Other" remained relatively stable at 6%. The essay could also be improved by providing more accurate and relevant details. For example, the essay could state that "Working" increased by 11%, "Travelling to work" increased by 6%, "Relaxing at home" increased by 5%, "Sleeping" decreased by 11%, "Going out with friend/family" decreased by 13%, and "Other" remained relatively stable at 6%.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are significant issues with overall progression and clarity. While it attempts to compare data from 1958 and 2008, the connections between ideas are often unclear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, contributing to a lack of fluidity in the writing. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, which detracts from the coherence of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly structuring the essay with logical paragraphing that follows a clear progression of ideas. Using a wider range of cohesive devices accurately will help connect sentences and ideas more smoothly. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that comparisons are explicitly stated will improve clarity and overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about the chart, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks precision. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "the increased trend tend to be surpassed others," which affects clarity. Additionally, there are several spelling and grammatical mistakes that may cause some difficulty for the reader, such as "when it affects in Travelling to work" and "the last one is Relaxing at home." Overall, while the essay attempts to engage with the task, the lexical resource is insufficient to convey the information effectively.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise terms related to the topic. Practicing the use of synonyms and less common lexical items can help avoid repetition. Additionally, paying attention to grammatical structures and ensuring correct word forms will improve clarity. Reading high-quality sample essays can also provide insights into effective vocabulary usage and collocation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and attempts to use complex sentences, but these attempts often lead to inaccuracies. There are frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms and awkward phrasing, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. While the overall meaning is conveyed, the errors detract from the clarity and effectiveness of the communication.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Practice constructing clear and coherent complex sentences. Ensure that conjunctions and relative clauses are used correctly.
Verb Tenses: Pay attention to verb forms and tenses to ensure they align with the time periods being discussed (e.g., using past tense consistently when referring to 1958).
Punctuation: Improve punctuation usage to enhance readability. For example, commas should be used to separate clauses and items in a list.
Proofreading: After writing, take time to proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors and awkward phrases. This will help in producing error-free sentences.
Practice: Engage in regular writing practice and seek feedback to identify common errors and areas for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given pie chart illustrates how working adults in a particular region spent their time on various activities between 1958 and 2008.

Overall, it appears that the trends for Travelling to work, Working, and Relaxing at home showed an increase, while Sleeping and Going out with friends or family also experienced an upward trend. The only surprising exception in balance is the category labeled Other.

In 2008, Working rose slightly from 33% to 44%, maintaining its status as the highest activity. Similarly, Travelling to work followed a comparable trend, increasing from 2% in the past to a significant 8% in 2008, although it still remained the lowest category compared to Relaxing at home, which peaked at 13%, up from 8% over the entire period.

Conversely, Sleeping experienced a slight decline, decreasing from 33% in 1958 to 24% in 2008. In contrast, Going out with friends or family saw a dramatic decline, starting at around 19% at its peak and dropping to a disappointing 6% in 2008. Finally, the category Other remained stable over time, consistently holding at 6%.