The chart below shows the price in Euros of 800 grams of four types of bread in one European country from 2001 to 2006 You should write at least 150 words.

The chart below shows the price in Euros of 800 grams of four types of bread in one European country from 2001 to 2006
You should write at least 150 words.

The given chart depicts the variation in price of 800 gram of various kinds of bread in particular European country over 5 – year interval starting in 2001,
Overall, the majority types of bread witnessed a significant increase in their price over the period, except Wholegrain. Also, the figure for Brown bread recorded the most positive tendency at the last year of the survey.
In 2001, 0.8 Euros was the figure for Whole Grain, which was the highest price compared to others. After 1 year, the price of it still tops the list at 1.8 Euros. The similar pattern was true for Brown and White bread, initially, they started at the same point as 0.6 Euros. Then the price per 800 gram of Brown bread was roughly 1.5, while that of White bread was half of the former in the year of 2002. Conversely, albeit starting at the same price of Brown and White bread, Rye bread had a remarkable decrease in its price, by about 0.5 Euros.
From 2002 to 2005, whereas Brown, White and Rye bread experienced a considerable increase, the figure for Whole grain had adverse inclination. To be specific, after the fluctuations in their price, eventually, the figure for Brown and Rye bread reached each peak at 1.6 and 0.7 respectively. Similarly, Given the gradual increase, in the last year of the period, White bread was doubled in price compared to that in 2001, at 1.3 Euros. While the figure for Whole Grain underwent a substantial drop, ultimately, it hit the lowest point with only 0.8 Euros.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given chart depicts" -> "The chart illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "depicts" in the context of presenting data in a chart.
"particular European country" -> "a specific European country"
Explanation: "Specific" is more precise and formal than "particular" in academic writing, enhancing the clarity and specificity of the description.
"witnessed a significant increase" -> "experienced a significant increase"
Explanation: "Experienced" is more commonly used in academic contexts to describe changes in data or trends, making it more suitable than "witnessed."
"the figure for Brown bread recorded the most positive tendency" -> "the price of Brown bread showed the greatest increase"
Explanation: "Showed the greatest increase" is a clearer and more direct way to describe the trend in data, replacing the vague and less formal "recorded the most positive tendency."
"0.8 Euros was the figure for Whole Grain" -> "0.8 Euros was the price of Whole Grain"
Explanation: Clarifying that "0.8 Euros" refers to the price, not just a figure, enhances the accuracy and specificity of the statement.
"the similar pattern was true for Brown and White bread" -> "similarly, Brown and White bread followed the same pattern"
Explanation: "Similarly" is more formal and academic than "the similar pattern was true," and "followed the same pattern" is a more precise way to describe the continuity of trends.
"roughly 1.5" -> "approximately 1.5"
Explanation: "Approximately" is a more formal and precise term than "roughly" in academic writing.
"half of the former" -> "half that of the former"
Explanation: "Half that of the former" is grammatically correct and clearer, avoiding the awkward construction of "half of the former."
"had a remarkable decrease in its price" -> "saw a significant decrease in its price"
Explanation: "Saw a significant decrease" is more formal and academically appropriate than "had a remarkable decrease."
"adverse inclination" -> "decline"
Explanation: "Decline" is a more straightforward and commonly used term in academic writing to describe a decrease, replacing the less common and slightly awkward "adverse inclination."
"Given the gradual increase" -> "As the prices gradually increased"
Explanation: "As the prices gradually increased" provides a clearer and more direct description of the trend, improving the flow and formality of the sentence.
"hit the lowest point" -> "reached its lowest point"
Explanation: "Reached its lowest point" is a more formal and precise way to describe the end of a trend in data analysis.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the chart, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also does not fully extend the key features/bullet points.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the chart. The essay could also be improved by extending the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay could provide more detail about the price of each type of bread in each year. The essay could also provide more analysis of the trends in the chart. For example, the essay could discuss the reasons for the price changes.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, demonstrating a clear overall progression. The writer attempts to structure the response logically by discussing the prices of different types of bread over the specified years. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and unclear referencing, particularly in the transitions between ideas, which can disrupt the flow. While cohesive devices are used, they sometimes appear mechanical or are not employed effectively, leading to some confusion. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better organized into distinct paragraphs for clarity.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the clarity of referencing and ensuring that cohesive devices are used appropriately and varied. Additionally, organizing the essay into clearer paragraphs that each focus on a specific aspect of the data would help improve logical progression. Using more sophisticated linking phrases and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic would also contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the majority types of bread" instead of "the majority of types of bread," and "the figure for Whole Grain" which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are several spelling and grammatical errors, such as "the variation in price of 800 gram" (should be "grams") and "the last year of the survey" (should be "the last year of the period"). These errors do not severely impede communication, but they do detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and ensuring precise word choice. They should also pay attention to collocations and common phrases in English. Reducing grammatical errors and improving spelling will contribute to a more polished essay. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can also help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex structures. While there are some accurate sentences, frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect article usage ("the variation in price of 800 gram" should be "the variation in price of 800 grams") and awkward phrasing ("the majority types of bread witnessed"), detract from the overall clarity. Additionally, punctuation issues are present, which can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of grammatical structures by incorporating more complex sentences and ensuring that they are accurate. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate grammatical errors and improve punctuation will enhance clarity. Practicing the use of varied sentence forms and ensuring subject-verb agreement will also contribute to a stronger performance in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given chart depicts the variation in the price of 800 grams of various kinds of bread in a particular European country over a 5-year interval starting in 2001.

Overall, the majority of types of bread witnessed a significant increase in their prices over the period, except for Wholegrain. Additionally, the figure for Brown bread recorded the most positive trend in the last year of the survey.

In 2001, 0.8 Euros was the price for Whole Grain, which was the highest compared to the others. After one year, the price of Whole Grain still topped the list at 1.8 Euros. A similar pattern was observed for Brown and White bread; initially, they both started at the same point of 0.6 Euros. Then, the price per 800 grams of Brown bread rose to roughly 1.5 Euros, while that of White bread was half of the former in 2002. Conversely, despite starting at the same price as Brown and White bread, Rye bread experienced a remarkable decrease in its price, dropping by about 0.5 Euros.

From 2002 to 2005, while Brown, White, and Rye bread experienced considerable increases, the figure for Whole Grain showed a downward trend. Specifically, after fluctuations in their prices, the figures for Brown and Rye bread eventually peaked at 1.6 Euros and 0.7 Euros, respectively. Similarly, given the gradual increase, in the last year of the period, White bread doubled in price compared to that in 2001, reaching 1.3 Euros. Meanwhile, the figure for Whole Grain underwent a substantial drop, ultimately hitting the lowest point at only 0.8 Euros.