The chart below shows the results of a survey of people who visited four types of tourist attraction in Britain in 1999. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the results of a survey of people who visited four types of tourist attraction in Britain in 1999.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart illustrates the proportions of visitors who went to Britain and experienced four different tourist attracting catergories in 1999, while the table shows 5 more specific categorized sections in Theme Parks.
Overall, the Theme Parks was the popular choices for most people who visited, and the Wildlife parks and Zoos was the least in the pie chart. While the table shows that the Blackpool Pleasure was chosen much more than the other.
Regarding the pie chart, the Theme Parks and Museums & Galleries was the two most chosen by visitors which is only a slight higher for the Theme parks, which is 38 percent and 37 percent for the Museums and Galleries. The two remaining could be considered as the least because even if these two is combined, they would only account for a qurater. The Historic houses and Monuments only makes up for 16 percent and the Wildlife parks and Zoos was only 9 percent.
On the other hand, among the five smaller categories in the Theme Parks, the Blackpool Pleasure Beach is dominant the others by making up for a most a half. Subsequently, the Alton Towers and Pleasureland, Southport were only 17 percent and 16 percent in order. Lastly, the Chessington World of Adventures and Legoland, Windsor share the same distribution which is only 10 percent for both in the chart.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The pie chart illustrates the proportions of visitors who went to Britain and experienced four different tourist attracting catergories" -> "The pie chart illustrates the proportions of visitors to Britain and their experiences in four different tourist categories"
Explanation: Replacing "went to Britain and experienced" with "to Britain and their experiences in" clarifies the relationship between the visitors and their activities, and using "tourist categories" instead of "tourist attracting catergories" corrects the spelling and enhances the formality of the phrase.
"the table shows 5 more specific categorized sections in Theme Parks" -> "the table presents five more specific categories within Theme Parks"
Explanation: Changing "shows" to "presents" and "categorized sections" to "categories" refines the academic tone and corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence more precise and formal.
"the Theme Parks was the popular choices" -> "Theme Parks was the most popular choice"
Explanation: Correcting "the popular choices" to "the most popular choice" fixes the grammatical error and simplifies the phrase for clarity and formality.
"the Wildlife parks and Zoos was the least" -> "Wildlife parks and Zoos were the least popular"
Explanation: Adding "were" corrects the verb agreement, and replacing "the least" with "the least popular" specifies the comparison, enhancing clarity and formality.
"the Blackpool Pleasure was chosen much more than the other" -> "Blackpool Pleasure was significantly more popular than others"
Explanation: Replacing "the other" with "others" corrects the pronoun usage, and "significantly more popular" replaces "much more" for a more precise and formal expression.
"the Theme Parks and Museums & Galleries was the two most chosen by visitors" -> "Theme Parks and Museums & Galleries were the two most popular among visitors"
Explanation: Correcting "was" to "were" for subject-verb agreement and replacing "most chosen" with "most popular" refines the language for academic style.
"even if these two is combined" -> "even when these two are combined"
Explanation: Changing "is" to "are" corrects the subject-verb agreement, and "when" is more appropriate than "if" in this context, indicating a hypothetical scenario.
"a qurater" -> "a quarter"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "quarter" to "a quarter" fixes a typographical error.
"The Historic houses and Monuments only makes up for 16 percent" -> "Historic houses and Monuments comprise only 16 percent"
Explanation: Changing "makes up for" to "comprise" corrects the idiomatic expression and enhances the formality of the sentence.
"dominant the others" -> "dominated the others"
Explanation: Correcting "dominant" to "dominated" fixes a grammatical error, ensuring the verb agrees with the subject.
"making up for a most a half" -> "accounting for more than half"
Explanation: Replacing "making up for a most a half" with "accounting for more than half" corrects the awkward and incorrect phrasing, providing a clearer and more formal expression.
"share the same distribution which is only 10 percent for both" -> "share the same distribution, each accounting for 10 percent"
Explanation: Replacing "which is only 10 percent for both" with "each accounting for 10 percent" simplifies and clarifies the sentence structure, making it more direct and formal.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the data, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also presents and adequately highlights key features/ bullet points, but details may be irrelevant, inappropriate or inaccurate.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay could also be improved by providing more accurate and relevant details. For example, the essay states that "the Blackpool Pleasure Beach is dominant the others by making up for a most a half". This statement is inaccurate, as the Blackpool Pleasure Beach only makes up for 47% of the total. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, the essay states that "the two remaining could be considered as the least because even if these two is combined, they would only account for a qurater". This statement could be improved by using more precise language, such as "the two remaining categories account for only 25% of the total".

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to summarize the data from the pie chart and table, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which detracts from the overall coherence. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not effectively utilized, making it difficult to follow the flow of information.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the essay should focus on clearer organization of ideas, ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly will help to link sentences and ideas more effectively. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing and substitution will reduce repetition and enhance the overall flow of the essay. Lastly, ensuring logical paragraphing will aid in guiding the reader through the information presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the data, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks precision. There are noticeable errors in spelling (e.g., "catergories," "the popular choices," "could be considered as the least") and word formation (e.g., "the Theme Parks was," "the two remaining could be considered"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. Overall, the essay meets the basic requirements but does not exhibit the range or accuracy needed for a higher band score.

How to improve:

Expand Vocabulary: Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to describe the data more precisely. For example, instead of "the popular choices," consider using "the most favored options" or "the most visited attractions."
Correct Spelling and Word Formation: Pay attention to spelling errors and ensure correct word forms are used. For instance, "categories" instead of "catergories" and "were" instead of "was" when referring to plural subjects.
Enhance Sentence Structure: Vary sentence structures to improve fluency and coherence. Using complex sentences can help convey comparisons and contrasts more effectively.
Practice Collocations: Familiarize yourself with common collocations related to tourism and data description, which can enhance the naturalness of your writing. For example, "account for" instead of "makes up for."

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms with some attempts at complex sentences. While the overall meaning is communicated, frequent grammatical errors and issues with punctuation are present, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "the Theme Parks was the popular choices" and "the two remaining could be considered as the least" exhibit subject-verb agreement errors and awkward phrasing. The essay also contains some inaccuracies in word choice, such as "attracting catergories" instead of "attraction categories" and "making up for a most a half" which is unclear. These issues detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the writing.

How to improve:

Enhance Sentence Variety: Incorporate a greater variety of complex sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical ability. This can include using subordinate clauses and different conjunctions.
Focus on Accuracy: Pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that singular and plural forms are used correctly. Proofreading for grammatical errors before submission can help improve accuracy.
Improve Vocabulary Usage: Use more precise vocabulary and avoid awkward phrases. For example, instead of "the popular choices," consider "the most popular choice" for clarity.
Practice Punctuation: Review punctuation rules to reduce errors and improve the flow of sentences. Proper use of commas and periods can enhance readability.
Seek Feedback: Consider getting feedback from peers or instructors on your writing to identify specific areas for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie chart illustrates the proportions of visitors who went to Britain and experienced four different tourist attraction categories in 1999, while the table shows five more specific categorized sections within Theme Parks. Overall, Theme Parks were the most popular choice for most people who visited, while Wildlife Parks and Zoos attracted the least visitors according to the pie chart. The table indicates that Blackpool Pleasure Beach was chosen significantly more than the others.

Regarding the pie chart, Theme Parks and Museums & Galleries were the two most popular attractions among visitors, with Theme Parks slightly ahead at 38 percent compared to 37 percent for Museums and Galleries. The two remaining categories can be considered the least popular, as even when combined, they account for only a quarter of the total. Historic Houses and Monuments make up 16 percent, while Wildlife Parks and Zoos account for only 9 percent.

On the other hand, among the five smaller categories in Theme Parks, Blackpool Pleasure Beach dominates the others, comprising nearly half of the total. Subsequently, Alton Towers and Pleasureland, Southport follow with 17 percent and 16 percent, respectively. Lastly, Chessington World of Adventures and Legoland, Windsor share the same distribution, each accounting for only 10 percent in the chart.