The chart below shows the state of dissertations done by students in a UK university from 1990 to 2010

The provided bar chart indicates the completion of the dissertation projects among students in a particular university in the UK every decade from 1990 to 2010.
Overall, while student numbers completing on time, late and rewriting projects increased, fewer students failed to submit their dissertations over the given period. Notably, the number of dissertations completed punctually were by far the most prevalent among 4 conditions.
Regarding the number of projects completed punctually and those completed late, in 1990, the former topped the chart with 150 projects. This number consistently increased before reaching its peak at over 350, which was over two times higher than the figure for the initial year. Similarly, there was an upward trend in the counts of dissertations done late, albeit at a slower pace. Commencing with 25 projects, this number increased to 50 after two decades.
Moving on to the remaining state of dissertations, more than 50 dissertation projects remained unwritten, followed by a moderate drop to just under 10. Conversely, from just over 5 students who rewrote their projects, this number rose to nearly 50 before experiencing a decline of 5 in 2010.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"completion of the dissertation projects" -> "completion of dissertation projects"
Explanation: "the" is unnecessary before "dissertation projects" as it is already clear we are discussing specific projects.
"while student numbers completing on time" -> "while the number of students completing on time"
Explanation: Adding "the number of" before "students" clarifies the subject of the sentence.
"fewer students failed to submit their dissertations" -> "a decreased number of students failed to submit their dissertations"
Explanation: "fewer" is less formal; "a decreased number of" provides a more precise and formal expression.
"the number of dissertations completed punctually were by far the most prevalent" -> "the punctual completion of dissertations was by far the most prevalent"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality; "punctual completion of dissertations" is more precise than "number of dissertations completed punctually."
"Regarding the number of projects completed punctually and those completed late" -> "Regarding punctual and late project completions"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase for conciseness and clarity; "punctual and late project completions" maintains the intended meaning.
"which was over two times higher than the figure for the initial year" -> "which was more than double the figure for the initial year"
Explanation: "more than double" is a more precise and sophisticated expression than "over two times higher."
"albeit at a slower pace" -> "although at a slower rate"
Explanation: "pace" refers to speed, while "rate" encompasses the idea of speed or frequency, providing a more accurate description in this context.
"Commencing with 25 projects" -> "Starting with 25 projects"
Explanation: "Commencing" is less commonly used; "starting" is simpler and more direct.
"Moving on to the remaining state of dissertations" -> "Turning to the status of the remaining dissertations"
Explanation: "Remaining state" is awkward; "status" is a more appropriate term in this context, and "turning to" transitions more smoothly.
"more than 50 dissertation projects remained unwritten" -> "over 50 dissertation projects remained incomplete"
Explanation: "unwritten" doesn’t convey the full meaning; "incomplete" is more precise and encompasses various reasons why projects were not submitted.
"before experiencing a decline of 5 in 2010" -> "before declining by 5 in 2010"
Explanation: "experiencing a decline" is unnecessarily wordy; "declining by 5" is concise and clear.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the trends in dissertation completion over the given period. It presents a clear summary of the main trends, including the increase in timely completions, late submissions, and rewriting of projects, as well as the decrease in failures to submit. Key features and bullet points are clearly presented and highlighted, such as the rise in on-time completions and the gradual increase in late submissions. However, the essay could be more fully extended in some areas, such as providing additional context or analysis to enhance the understanding of the trends.

How to improve:
To improve, the essay could expand on the significance of the trends observed, providing further analysis or implications of the data presented. Additionally, providing more specific details, such as the exact numbers or percentages, would strengthen the analysis and support the overall argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, with clear progression throughout the essay. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, focusing on different aspects of the data presented in the bar chart. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices to connect ideas, such as transition words and phrases like "Overall," "Regarding," and "Moving on to." However, there are some instances of overuse of certain cohesive devices, such as the repetition of "over" in "over the given period" and "over two times higher." Paragraphing is used sufficiently and appropriately to separate different ideas, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve:
To further improve coherence and cohesion, the essay could vary its use of cohesive devices more and avoid repetitive phrases. Additionally, ensuring consistency in paragraphing and avoiding minor grammatical errors would enhance the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. It effectively conveys the information from the provided bar chart regarding the completion status of dissertation projects over the specified time period. There is evidence of the use of less common lexical items, and the essay shows awareness of style and collocation. Although occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation are present, they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource further, strive for greater variety in vocabulary usage and aim for more precise word choices. Additionally, pay closer attention to spelling and word formation to minimize errors and enhance overall clarity.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures, including the use of introductory phrases, compound sentences, and relative clauses. There is evidence of good control of grammar and punctuation, with frequent error-free sentences. However, some minor errors and inaccuracies are present, such as awkward phrasing ("while student numbers completing on time"), inconsistent tense usage ("were by far the most prevalent" instead of "was"), and occasional punctuation errors (missing comma after "Similarly").

How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, ensure consistent and precise use of tense throughout the essay. Review the phrasing to ensure clarity and coherence, avoiding awkward constructions. Pay attention to punctuation, particularly in complex sentences, to maintain clarity and readability. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors will help refine the overall accuracy of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar chart illustrates the progression of dissertation completion among students at a UK university over the period spanning from 1990 to 2010. Overall, there was a general increase in the number of students completing their projects on time, late, and through rewriting, while there was a decrease in the number of students failing to submit their dissertations.

Notably, the most prevalent condition observed was the punctual completion of dissertations. Beginning with 150 projects in 1990, this figure steadily rose, reaching a peak of over 350 projects by 2010, more than double the initial count. Similarly, there was an upward trajectory in the completion of dissertations done late, although the pace of increase was slower. Starting with 25 projects in 1990, this number climbed to 50 by the year 2010.

Turning to the remaining states of dissertations, the number of projects left unwritten stood at more than 50 initially, then decreased to just under 10 by the end of the period. Conversely, the count of students who rewrote their projects increased from slightly over 5 in 1990 to nearly 50 in 2010, with a slight decrease observed in the final year, dropping by 5.