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The chart illustrates the proportion of water used for 6 products and the percentage of total income generated from these products in the same year.

The chart illustrates the proportion of water used for 6 products and the
percentage of total income generated from these products in the same year.

The pie chart illustrated the percentage of water used for six products and the proportion of total income generated by these product in 2004. Overall, Rice and Fruits stood out for their significant water usage, but Fruits provided the highest income, whereas Dandelion used a moderate amounts of water but yielded the least revenue.
In term of water consumption, Rice accounted for the largest share at 46%, while Fruits used 28%. Vegetables, Dandelion and Lime have much smaller shares, using 8% , 8% and 3% of the total water, respectively. This indicates that Rice production was highly water-intensive in comparison to other products.
On the income side, fruit generated the highest percentage of revenue at 40%, followed by Rice, which accounted for 31%. Cereal contributed 12%, while Vegestables and Lime each provided 7% and 6% of the income. Dandelion brought in the smallest share at 4%.
An imbalance highlights the need for more efficients water management stretegies, especially in agricultural practices.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "illustrated the percentage" -> "illustrated the proportions"
    Explanation: "Proportions" is a more precise term in this context, as it refers specifically to the relationship of parts to a whole, which is more appropriate for discussing data representation.

  2. "the proportion of total income generated by these product" -> "the proportion of total income generated by these products"
    Explanation: "Products" should be plural to match the context of multiple items being discussed.

  3. "but Fruits provided the highest income" -> "while Fruits generated the highest income"
    Explanation: "Generated" is a more formal and precise term than "provided," which enhances the academic tone of the sentence.

  4. "used a moderate amounts of water" -> "used a moderate amount of water"
    Explanation: "Amount" should be singular to agree with "a," correcting the grammatical error.

  5. "In term of water consumption" -> "In terms of water consumption"
    Explanation: The phrase should be plural ("terms") to accurately reflect the idiomatic expression.

  6. "have much smaller shares" -> "have significantly smaller shares"
    Explanation: "Significantly" adds clarity and precision, indicating a notable difference in the shares.

  7. "This indicates that Rice production was highly water-intensive in comparison to other products." -> "This indicates that rice production was highly water-intensive compared to other products."
    Explanation: "Rice" should be lowercase as it is not a proper noun in this context. Additionally, "in comparison to" can be simplified to "compared to" for conciseness.

  8. "fruit generated the highest percentage of revenue" -> "Fruits generated the highest proportion of revenue"
    Explanation: "Fruits" should be plural for consistency, and "proportion" is a more precise term than "percentage" in this context.

  9. "Cereal contributed 12%, while Vegestables and Lime each provided 7% and 6% of the income." -> "Cereals contributed 12%, while Vegetables and Lime each accounted for 7% and 6% of the income."
    Explanation: "Cereals" should be plural for consistency, and "accounted for" is a more formal phrase than "provided."

  10. "An imbalance highlights the need for more efficients water management stretegies" -> "An imbalance highlights the need for more efficient water management strategies"
    Explanation: "Efficient" should be singular to match the context, and "strategies" is the correct spelling, improving clarity and professionalism.

These changes enhance the precision and formality of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the data presented in the charts, highlighting the key features of water usage and income generation for each product. The essay adequately presents the key features of the data, but some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "Rice production was highly water-intensive in comparison to other products," which is not entirely accurate, as Fruits also uses a significant amount of water.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate and relevant details about the data. For example, the essay could state that "Rice and Fruits are the two most water-intensive products, accounting for 46% and 28% of total water usage, respectively." The essay could also provide more specific information about the income generated by each product, such as "Fruits generated the highest percentage of revenue at 40%, while Rice accounted for 31%." Additionally, the essay could be improved by using more precise language and avoiding unnecessary repetition. For example, the essay could replace the phrase "in term of" with "in terms of" and avoid repeating the phrase "the total water" multiple times.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression. The introduction effectively sets the context, and the body paragraphs logically follow the structure of comparing water usage and income generation. However, there are instances of mechanical cohesion, such as the use of phrases like "in term of" instead of "in terms of," which detracts from the overall fluency. Additionally, the referencing could be clearer, particularly in the transition between discussing water usage and income. While paragraphing is present, it could be more logically organized to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay should focus on improving the clarity of cohesive devices and ensuring that transitions between ideas are smooth and logical. Using a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively and ensuring that all references are clear would enhance coherence. Additionally, refining paragraph structure to ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear central topic and flows logically into the next would strengthen the overall organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, such as "water consumption," "income," and "water-intensive." However, there are attempts to use less common vocabulary, like "efficients" (which should be "efficient") and "strategies," but inaccuracies in word choice and spelling are present. While the meaning is generally clear, errors in spelling and word formation (e.g., "Vegestables" instead of "Vegetables") do occur, which may cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes ensuring correct spelling and word forms. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and expressions, while maintaining clarity, would elevate the overall quality of the essay. Regular practice with vocabulary exercises and proofreading for spelling errors can also help improve performance in this area.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with some grammatical errors present. While the overall meaning is clear, issues such as "in term of water consumption" (should be "in terms of water consumption") and "efficints" (should be "efficient") indicate a lack of accuracy. Additionally, the phrase "but yielded the least revenue" could be more clearly articulated. The essay does attempt to use a variety of structures, but the errors in grammar and punctuation occasionally hinder communication.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and reducing errors. This can be done by proofreading the essay to catch and correct mistakes before submission. Additionally, incorporating a broader range of complex sentence structures and ensuring that all sentences are grammatically correct will improve the overall quality of the writing. Practicing with more varied sentence constructions and seeking feedback on drafts can also help in refining grammatical skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie chart illustrates the percentage of water used for six products and the proportion of total income generated by these products in 2004. Overall, rice and fruits stood out for their significant water usage, with fruits providing the highest income, whereas dandelion used a moderate amount of water but yielded the least revenue.

In terms of water consumption, rice accounted for the largest share at 46%, while fruits used 28%. Vegetables, dandelion, and lime had much smaller shares, using 8%, 8%, and 3% of the total water, respectively. This indicates that rice production was highly water-intensive in comparison to other products.

On the income side, fruits generated the highest percentage of revenue at 40%, followed by rice, which accounted for 31%. Cereal contributed 12%, while vegetables and lime each provided 7% and 6% of the income. Dandelion brought in the smallest share at 4%.

An imbalance highlights the need for more efficient water management strategies, especially in agricultural practices.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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