the chart shows information relating to people within 15 15-minute drive service in a particular region in the UK.

The bar chart displays the rates of British residents commuting to primary destinations within 15 minutes, varying by those living in urban and suburban zones.
Overall, people inhabiting both central and rural areas can easily access the doctor and the secondary school within 15 minutes of driving, whereas primary school is not completely closed to those residing in the outskirts.
It is evident that all citizens can travel to four given places within 15 minutes, while the proportion of rural dwellers does not follow the same trend. Regarding the statistics of primary school, a large disparity is recorded in the figures for the city inhabitants and remote ones, as just over two-thirds of rural people can commute to primary school within 15 minutes, compared to 100% of people living downtown.
Furthermore, the entire city population can reach the post office within 15 minutes, roughly 10% higher than the segment of outer areas, which occupies over 90%. In contrast, a similar trajectory is witnessed in the doctor and secondary school data, with exactly 100% of people from these two areas finding the two places accessible within 15 minutes.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar chart displays" -> "The bar chart illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is more precise and academically appropriate than "displays" for describing the presentation of data in a visual format like a bar chart.
"varying by those living in urban and suburban zones" -> "differing between residents of urban and suburban areas"
Explanation: "Differing between" is more formal and precise than "varying by," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in academic writing.
"can easily access" -> "have easy access to"
Explanation: "Have easy access to" is a more formal and direct way to express the ability to easily reach a location, which is preferred in academic writing.
"not completely closed to" -> "not entirely inaccessible to"
Explanation: "Not entirely inaccessible to" corrects the grammatical error and uses more precise language suitable for an academic context.
"It is evident that" -> "It is clear that"
Explanation: "It is clear that" is a more formal and commonly used phrase in academic writing than "It is evident that."
"does not follow the same trend" -> "does not conform to the same pattern"
Explanation: "Conform to the same pattern" is a more precise and formal way to describe consistency or lack thereof in data trends.
"a large disparity is recorded in the figures" -> "a significant disparity is observed in the data"
Explanation: "Observed in the data" is more specific and formal than "recorded in the figures," which is less precise and slightly informal.
"just over two-thirds" -> "approximately two-thirds"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise and formal than "just over," which can sound colloquial.
"occupies over 90%" -> "accounts for more than 90%"
Explanation: "Accounts for more than 90%" is a more formal expression than "occupies over 90%," which is less commonly used in academic writing.
"a similar trajectory is witnessed" -> "a similar pattern is observed"
Explanation: "Pattern is observed" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "trajectory," which can be misleading in this context.
"exactly 100%" -> "precisely 100%"
Explanation: "Precisely" is more formal and academic than "exactly," which is slightly informal for this context.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the chart, including the key differences between urban and rural areas. It also highlights some key features, such as the fact that all city dwellers can access the post office within 15 minutes, while only 90% of rural dwellers can. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant, such as the statement that "a similar trajectory is witnessed in the doctor and secondary school data, with exactly 100% of people from these two areas finding the two places accessible within 15 minutes." This statement is not relevant to the main trends of the chart and does not add anything to the overall analysis.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing more on the key features of the chart and providing more detailed analysis of the data. The essay could also be made more concise by removing irrelevant details. For example, the essay could be improved by removing the sentence "It is evident that all citizens can travel to four given places within 15 minutes, while the proportion of rural dwellers does not follow the same trend." This sentence is not necessary to understand the main trends of the chart and could be removed to make the essay more concise.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating a clear progression throughout. The central topic of each paragraph is presented effectively, and there is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately. However, there are instances of slightly awkward phrasing and some minor issues with cohesion that prevent it from reaching a higher band. The paragraphing is generally effective, but could benefit from clearer topic sentences to enhance coherence.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on refining the use of cohesive devices to ensure they enhance rather than disrupt the flow of ideas. Additionally, improving the clarity of paragraphing by including clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph would help guide the reader more effectively through the essay. Finally, ensuring that all comparisons and contrasts are explicitly stated can enhance overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for flexibility and precision in conveying the information presented in the chart. The use of terms such as "commuting," "inhabiting," "disparity," and "accessible" indicates an awareness of less common lexical items. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the entire city population" which could be more effectively expressed as "the entire population of the city." Additionally, while the vocabulary is generally appropriate, some phrases could be more varied to enhance the overall lexical richness. There are minor errors in word formation, but they do not impede communication.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary and ensure precise word choice throughout the essay. This could involve using synonyms or more specific terms to avoid repetition and enhance clarity. Additionally, paying closer attention to collocations and common phrases in English would improve the naturalness of the language. Finally, proofreading for minor spelling and grammatical errors can help to refine the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors present. However, there are instances where the sentence structure could be more varied, and some grammatical inaccuracies slightly affect clarity. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 7 due to its effective use of complex structures and generally accurate grammar.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the variety of sentence structures used throughout the essay. Additionally, ensuring that all sentences are error-free and that any minor errors are minimized will enhance the overall grammatical accuracy. Practicing more complex grammatical forms and reviewing punctuation rules can also contribute to a stronger performance in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart displays the rates of British residents commuting to primary destinations within 15 minutes, varying between those living in urban and suburban zones. Overall, people residing in both central and rural areas can easily access the doctor and the secondary school within 15 minutes of driving, whereas the primary school is not entirely accessible to those living in the outskirts.

It is evident that all citizens can travel to four specified locations within 15 minutes, although the proportion of rural dwellers does not follow the same trend. Regarding the statistics for the primary school, a significant disparity is observed between city inhabitants and those in remote areas, as just over two-thirds of rural residents can commute to the primary school within 15 minutes, compared to 100% of individuals living downtown.

Furthermore, the entire city population can reach the post office within 15 minutes, which is roughly 10% higher than the segment from outer areas, where over 90% can access it. In contrast, a similar pattern is observed in the data for the doctor and secondary school, with exactly 100% of residents from these two areas finding both places accessible within 15 minutes.