The chart shows the division of household tasks by gender in Great Britain.

The bar chart illustrates how much minutes of household spend by two sex in great Britain.
Overall, people who females prefer and take part in all activites, but in gardening and maintenance odd jobs, male spend time higher than female.In addition, both two gender spend time for take care of their children and play.
The statastics of activites in kitchen like cooking, baking, washing up spent by girl account for 74 minutes, compared to only 30 minutes of their girl counterpart. Similarity, the figure for minutes which female spend time for cleaning house and tidying up at home was at 58, which was 45% higher than of male at 13 minutes.And the data of clothes, washing, ironing, sewing are higher than male, at 25 minutes and 2 minutes.49 minutes of gardening and take care of their pet, compared to about 21 minutes in the female in great Britain. The figure for time which spent by male maintenance and odd jobs, followed by 26 minutes, higher than female at 9.5 minutes.
Both of gender often spend their time for take care of their children and play with them, followed by 45 minutes in mother and 20 minutes in father.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"household spend" -> "household expenditure"
Explanation: Using "expenditure" instead of "spend" provides a more formal and accurate term for the amount of time allocated to various activities within the household.
"people who females prefer" -> "females generally prefer"
Explanation: "People who females prefer" is grammatically incorrect. Using "females generally prefer" clarifies the subject and improves the sentence structure.
"in gardening and maintenance odd jobs" -> "in gardening and odd maintenance jobs"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase to "gardening and odd maintenance jobs" maintains clarity and improves the flow of the sentence.
"spend time higher than female" -> "spend more time than females"
Explanation: "Spend more time than females" is a grammatically correct and clearer way to express the comparison.
"take care of their children and play" -> "care for their children and engage in play"
Explanation: "Care for their children and engage in play" provides a more specific and active description of the activities involved.
"statastics" -> "statistics"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "statastics" to "statistics" ensures accuracy in the presentation of data.
"like cooking, baking, washing up spent by girl account" -> "such as cooking, baking, and washing up are undertaken by girls"
Explanation: Replacing "like cooking, baking, washing up spent by girl account" with "such as cooking, baking, and washing up are undertaken by girls" provides a more grammatically correct and descriptive sentence structure.
"Similarity" -> "Similarly"
Explanation: Using "Similarly" at the beginning of the sentence improves the transition and coherence in the paragraph.
"which was 45% higher than of male at 13 minutes" -> "which was 45% higher than that of males, at 13 minutes"
Explanation: Adding "that of" before "males" and adjusting the structure to "at 13 minutes" improves the clarity and precision of the comparison.
"And the data of clothes" -> "Furthermore, the time spent on clothes-related activities"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence to "Furthermore, the time spent on clothes-related activities" improves the sentence flow and clarity.
"are higher than male" -> "is higher than that of males"
Explanation: Changing "are higher than male" to "is higher than that of males" maintains grammatical accuracy and clarity in the comparison.
"49 minutes of gardening and take care of their pet" -> "49 minutes on gardening and pet care"
Explanation: Simplifying the expression to "49 minutes on gardening and pet care" maintains clarity and conciseness.
"compared to about 21 minutes in the female" -> "compared to approximately 21 minutes for females"
Explanation: Using "for females" instead of "in the female" improves the grammatical structure of the comparison.
"maintenance and odd jobs" -> "maintenance and miscellaneous tasks"
Explanation: "Miscellaneous tasks" is a more specific and descriptive term than "odd jobs," enhancing the precision of the description.
"Both of gender often spend their time for take care of their children" -> "Both genders often spend time caring for their children"
Explanation: Simplifying the sentence to "Both genders often spend time caring for their children" maintains clarity and conciseness while correcting the grammatical structure.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by describing the division of household tasks by gender in Great Britain. It covers some key features, such as activities in the kitchen, gardening, and childcare. However, there are several issues that hinder clarity and coherence. The language and organization are often unclear, leading to difficulties in understanding. Some details are inaccurate, and there is a lack of consistency in presenting the data.
How to improve: To improve, ensure that the essay clearly presents all key features without confusion or repetition. Focus on providing accurate information using clear and concise language. Pay attention to organization and coherence to enhance the overall clarity of the essay. Additionally, strive for accuracy in data presentation and avoid irrelevant details.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay attempts to convey information about the division of household tasks by gender in Great Britain, but it suffers from several coherence and cohesion issues.

Firstly, the essay lacks coherent organization. It jumps between different activities without a clear progression, making it difficult for the reader to follow the logical flow of information. Additionally, there are numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that hinder comprehension.

In terms of cohesion, while some cohesive devices are used, they are often inaccurate or repetitive. For example, there are instances of unclear referencing and lack of clear transitions between ideas, which disrupts the overall cohesion of the essay. Moreover, the use of paragraphs is inconsistent and confusing, further impacting the clarity of the essay’s structure.

Overall, while the essay attempts to address the task, its lack of coherence and cohesion significantly detracts from its effectiveness.

How to improve:

Organization: Structure the essay in a logical manner with clear progression from one point to another. Group related information together and use clear topic sentences to introduce each paragraph.
Grammar and Clarity: Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and clarity of expression. Proofread the essay carefully to eliminate errors and awkward phrasings that may confuse the reader.
Cohesive Devices: Use a variety of cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transition words effectively to link ideas and maintain coherence throughout the essay.
Paragraphing: Ensure consistent and logical use of paragraphs to separate different ideas or aspects of the topic. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea and be clearly delineated from others.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a somewhat limited range of vocabulary, with some inaccuracies and errors in word choice and word formation. While there is an attempt to use varied vocabulary, it lacks consistency and precision. For instance, there are issues with collocation and word choice, such as "statastics" instead of "statistics," "account for" used incorrectly, and phrases like "the figure for minutes which female spend time." Additionally, there are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation, such as "activites," "females prefer," and "take part in all activites." These errors hinder the clarity and fluency of the essay, causing some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource of the essay, focus on expanding the range of vocabulary used and strive for more accurate and precise word choices. Reviewing and practicing collocations and idiomatic expressions related to the topic can improve the sophistication of the language. Additionally, paying closer attention to spelling and word formation will help avoid errors that disrupt the flow of communication. Reading extensively and practicing writing with attention to vocabulary usage and accuracy will contribute to improvement.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and reveals an attempt to use complex sentences, which often lack accuracy. Errors in basic grammar, such as subject-verb agreement ("how much minutes," "people who females"), incorrect article usage ("a girl counterpart"), and issues with pluralization and prepositions are evident and somewhat frequent. These errors, along with inconsistent and faulty punctuation, occasionally obscure meaning and present challenges to the reader. The sentence constructions attempt complexity but often falter, which aligns with the descriptors for Band 5.

How to Improve:
To improve towards a higher band score, focus on the following:

Practice Basic Grammar: Work on foundational grammar skills such as subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and article application. This can be improved through grammar exercises and targeted practice.
Simplify Sentence Structure: Start with writing simpler, clear sentences to ensure accuracy before gradually introducing more complex structures. This strategy helps in stabilizing grammar usage.
Read and Analyze Model Essays: Analyze essays that score higher bands to understand the use of complex grammatical structures effectively and accurately.
Seek Feedback: Regular feedback from teachers or peers can help identify recurring grammatical issues and misunderstandings in sentence construction.
Regular Practice: Consistent writing practice, followed by review and correction, will aid in gradually reducing the frequency of errors and increasing grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart provides a breakdown of the allocation of household tasks between genders in Great Britain.

Overall, females are more actively involved in household chores, with the exception of gardening and maintenance tasks, where males dedicate more time. Additionally, both genders allocate time to childcare and recreational activities.

In the realm of kitchen activities such as cooking, baking, and washing up, females spend a significantly greater amount of time compared to males, with females dedicating 74 minutes as opposed to males’ 30 minutes. Similarly, females spend 58 minutes on cleaning and tidying the house, which is 45% higher than the 13 minutes spent by males. Furthermore, females spend 25 minutes on laundry, ironing, and sewing, while males allocate only 2 minutes to these tasks.

In terms of outdoor chores, males spend 49 minutes on gardening and pet care, whereas females spend approximately 21 minutes on these activities. Moreover, males dedicate 26 minutes to maintenance and odd jobs, whereas females spend 9.5 minutes on similar tasks.

Both genders engage in childcare and play, with females spending 45 minutes and males spending 20 minutes on these activities.